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<blockquote data-quote="twistedangel" data-source="post: 545372" data-attributes="member: 2684"><p><strong>1.</strong> What do you call a man with half a brain?</p><p>Gifted.</p><p></p><p></p><p><strong>2.</strong> What's the difference between government bonds and men?</p><p>Bonds Mature.</p><p></p><p></p><p><strong>3.</strong> What is the difference between a man and a catfish?</p><p>One is a bottom-feeding scum-sucker and the other is a fish.</p><p></p><p></p><p><strong>4.</strong> What did God say after creating man?</p><p>I can do better.</p><p></p><p></p><p><strong>5.</strong> Husband: Want a quickie?</p><p>Wife: As opposed to what?</p><p></p><p></p><p><strong>6.</strong> Why do men want to marry virgins?</p><p>They can't stand criticism.</p><p></p><p></p><p><strong>7.</strong> I went to the County Fair. They had one of those "Believe it or not?"</p><p>Shows. They had a man born with a penis and a brain.</p><p></p><p></p><p><strong>8.</strong> What do you have whan you have two little balls in your hand?</p><p>A man's undivided attention.</p><p></p><p></p><p><strong>9.</strong> What are two reasons why men don't mind their own business?</p><p>1. No mind.</p><p>2. No business.</p><p></p><p></p><p><strong>10.</strong> How is a man like a snowstorm?</p><p>Because you don't know when he's coming, how many inches you'll</p><p>get, or how long it'll stay.</p><p></p><p></p><p><img> <strong>11.</strong> Did you hear about the banker who's a great lover?</p><p>He knows first-hand the penalty for early withdrawal.</p><p></p><p></p><p><strong>12.</strong> Why are men like laxatives?</p><p>They irritate the shit out of you.</p><p></p><p></p><p><strong>13.</strong> What do you call an intelligent man in America?</p><p>A tourist.</p><p></p><p></p><p><strong>14.</strong> Why do jocks play on artificial turf?</p><p>To keep them from grazing.</p><p></p><p></p><p><strong>15.</strong> If men got pregnant....</p><p>abortion would be available in convienience</p><p>stores and drive-through windows.</p><p></p><p></p><p><strong>16.</strong> Why do men name their penises?</p><p>Because they want to be on a first-name basis with the person who</p><p>makes all their decisions.</p><p></p><p></p><p><strong>17.</strong> Why is it so hard for women to find men that are sensitive, caring, and</p><p>good-looking?</p><p>Because they already have boyfriends.</p><p></p><p></p><p><strong>18.</strong> Why do men like masturbation?</p><p>It's sex with someone they love.</p><p></p><p></p><p><strong>19.</strong> How do some men define Roe vs. Wade?</p><p>Two ways to cross a river.</p><p></p><p></p><p><strong>20.</strong> What is gross stupidity?</p><p>144 men in one room.</p><p></p><p></p><p><strong>21.</strong> Husband: I don't know why you wear a bra; you've got nothing to put in it.</p><p>Wife: You wear briefs, don't you?</p><p></p><p></p><p><strong>22.</strong> What's the difference between a porcupine and a Corvette?</p><p>The porcupine has pricks on the outside.</p><p></p><p></p><p><strong>23.</strong> How many men does it take to pop popcorn?</p><p>Three. One to hold the pan and two others to show off and shake</p><p>the stove.</p><p></p><p></p><p><strong>24.</strong> What is a man's view of safe sex?</p><p>A padded headboard.</p><p></p><p></p><p><strong>25.</strong> How do men sort their laundry?</p><p>"Fifthy" and "Filthy but Wearable".</p><p></p><p></p><p><strong>26.</strong> Only a man would buy a $500 car and put a $4000 stereo in it.</p><p></p><p></p><p><strong>27.</strong> Why did God create man?</p><p>Because a vibrator can't mow the lawn.</p><p></p><p></p><p><strong>28.</strong> Why were men given larger brains than dogs?</p><p>So they wouldn't hump women's legs at cocktail parties.</p><p></p><p></p><p><strong>29.</strong> Two guys were strolling down the street when one guy exclaimed, "how sad -</p><p>a dead bird." The other man looked up and said, "where?"</p><p></p><p></p><p><strong>30.</strong> Why does the stupid man put ice in his condom?</p><p>To keep the swelling down.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="twistedangel, post: 545372, member: 2684"] [b]1.[/b] What do you call a man with half a brain? Gifted. [b]2.[/b] What's the difference between government bonds and men? Bonds Mature. [b]3.[/b] What is the difference between a man and a catfish? One is a bottom-feeding scum-sucker and the other is a fish. [b]4.[/b] What did God say after creating man? I can do better. [b]5.[/b] Husband: Want a quickie? Wife: As opposed to what? [b]6.[/b] Why do men want to marry virgins? They can't stand criticism. [b]7.[/b] I went to the County Fair. They had one of those "Believe it or not?" Shows. They had a man born with a penis and a brain. [b]8.[/b] What do you have whan you have two little balls in your hand? A man's undivided attention. [b]9.[/b] What are two reasons why men don't mind their own business? 1. No mind. 2. No business. [b]10.[/b] How is a man like a snowstorm? Because you don't know when he's coming, how many inches you'll get, or how long it'll stay. <img> [b]11.[/b] Did you hear about the banker who's a great lover? He knows first-hand the penalty for early withdrawal. [b]12.[/b] Why are men like laxatives? They irritate the shit out of you. [b]13.[/b] What do you call an intelligent man in America? A tourist. [b]14.[/b] Why do jocks play on artificial turf? To keep them from grazing. [b]15.[/b] If men got pregnant.... abortion would be available in convienience stores and drive-through windows. [b]16.[/b] Why do men name their penises? Because they want to be on a first-name basis with the person who makes all their decisions. [b]17.[/b] Why is it so hard for women to find men that are sensitive, caring, and good-looking? Because they already have boyfriends. [b]18.[/b] Why do men like masturbation? It's sex with someone they love. [b]19.[/b] How do some men define Roe vs. Wade? Two ways to cross a river. [b]20.[/b] What is gross stupidity? 144 men in one room. [b]21.[/b] Husband: I don't know why you wear a bra; you've got nothing to put in it. Wife: You wear briefs, don't you? [b]22.[/b] What's the difference between a porcupine and a Corvette? The porcupine has pricks on the outside. [b]23.[/b] How many men does it take to pop popcorn? Three. One to hold the pan and two others to show off and shake the stove. [b]24.[/b] What is a man's view of safe sex? A padded headboard. [b]25.[/b] How do men sort their laundry? "Fifthy" and "Filthy but Wearable". [b]26.[/b] Only a man would buy a $500 car and put a $4000 stereo in it. [b]27.[/b] Why did God create man? Because a vibrator can't mow the lawn. [b]28.[/b] Why were men given larger brains than dogs? So they wouldn't hump women's legs at cocktail parties. [b]29.[/b] Two guys were strolling down the street when one guy exclaimed, "how sad - a dead bird." The other man looked up and said, "where?" [b]30.[/b] Why does the stupid man put ice in his condom? To keep the swelling down. [/QUOTE]
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