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Message: <blockquote data-quote="melody" data-source="post: 1063414202" data-attributes="member: 14320">Stranded On An IslandThere were three people stranded on an island, a brunette, a redhead,and a blonde. The brunette looked over the water to the mainland andestimated about 20 miles to shore.So she announced, "Im going to try to swim to shore." So she swam outfive miles, and got really tired. She swam out ten miles and got sotired that she couldn't go on. She drowned.The second one, the redhead, said to herself, "I wonder if she madeit?""I guess it's better to try to get to the mainland than stay here andstarve." So she attempts to swim out.The redhead had a lot more endurance than the brunette, as she swam out10 miles before she even got tired. After 15 miles, she was too tiredto go on, so she drowned,So the blonde thought to herself, "I wonder if they made it?" "I thinkI'd better try to make it too." So she swam out 5 miles, 10 miles, 15miles, 19 miles from the island.The shore was just in sight but she said, "Im too tired to go on!"So she swam back.============================================What do you call a fly buzzing inside a blonde's head?A Space InvaderWhat's a blondes favorite rock group?Air Supply============================================A typical family of hillbillies, Paw , Maw , Jethro and little Sally.One day, Jethro asked, "Paw, what is Sex?"Paw says, "Since you are a big boy I will show you." Paw hollers, "Mawget yourself in here!" Paw then says, "Maw, take your clothes off andget on the bed. Now spread your legs."Paw says, "Jethro see that thar little hole? Now watch this!"In the midst of Paw's demonstration Little Sally comes in and exclaims,"What is going on?"Jethro answers, "Paw is teaching me about sex."Little Sally asks, "What is Sex?"Jethro replies, "See that little hole on Paw? Now watch this!"Wintry WeatherDecember 8 - 6:00 PMIt started to snow. The first snow of the season and the wife and Itook our cocktails and sat for hours by the window watching the hugesoft flakes drift down from heaven. It looked like a Grandma MosesPrint. So romantic, we felt like newlyweds again. I love snow!December 9We woke to a beautiful blanket of crystal white snow covering everyinch of the landscape. What a fantastic sight! Can there be a morelovely place in the whole world? Moving here was the best idea I'veever had! Shoveled for the first time in years and felt like a boyagain. I did both our driveway and the sidewalks. This afternoonthe snow plow came along and covered up the sidewalks and closed inthe driveway, so I got to shovel again. What a perfect life!December 12The sun has melted all our lovely snow. Such a disappointment! Myneighbor tells me not to worry - we'll definitely have a whiteChristmas. No snow on Christmas would be awful! Bob says we'llhave so much snow by the end of winter, that I'll never want to seesnow again. I don't think that's possible. Bob is such a nice man,I'm glad he's our neighbor.December 14Snow, lovely snow! 8 inches last night. The temperature droppedto - 20. The cold makes everything sparkle so. The wind took mybreath away, but I warmed up by shoveling the driveway andsidewalks. This is the life! The snow plow came back thisafternoon and buried everything again. I didn't realize I wouldhave to do quite this much shoveling, but I'll certainly get back inshape this way. I wish I wouldn't huff and puff so.December 1520 inches forecast. Sold my van and bought a 4x4 Blazer. Boughtsnow tires for the wife's car and 2 extra shovels. Stocked thefreezer. The wife wants a wood stove in case the electricity goesout. I think that's silly. We aren't in Alaska, after all.December 16Ice storm this morning. Fell on my rear end on the ice in thedriveway putting down salt. Hurt like heck. The wife laughed foran hour, which I think was very cruel.December 17Still way below freezing. Roads are too icy to go anywhere.Electricity was off for 5 hours. I had to pile the blankets on tostay warm. Nothing to do but stare at the wife and try not toirritate her. Guess I should've bought a wood stove, but won'tadmit it to her. I hate it when she's right. I can't believe I'mfreezing to death in my own living room.December 20Electricity's back on, but had another 14 inches of the darn stufflast night. More shoveling! Took all day. The darn snow plow cameby twice. Tried to find a neighbor kid to shovel, but they saidthey're too busy playing hockey. I think they're lying. Called theonly hardware store around to see about buying a snow blower andthey're out. Might have another shipment in March. I think they'relying. Bob says I have to shovel or the city will have it done andbill me. I think he's lying.December 22Bob was right about a white Christmas because 13 more inches of thewhite crap fell today, and it's so cold, it probably won't melt tillAugust. Took me 45 minutes to get all dressed up to go out toshovel and then I had to use the bathroom. By the time I gotundressed, use the bathroom and dressed again, I was too tired toshovel. Tried to hire Bob who has a plow on his truck for the restof the winter, but he says he's too busy. I think the idiot islying.December 23Only 2 inches of snow today. And it warmed up to 0. The wifewanted me to decorate the front of the house this morning. What isshe, nuts?!! Why didn't she tell me to do that a month ago? Shesays she did, but I think she's lying.December 246 inches - Snow packed so hard by snow plow, I broke the shovel.Thought I was having a heart attack. If I ever catch the son of agun who drives that snow plow, I'll drag him through the snow by hisrear and beat him to death with my broken shovel. I know he hidesaround the corner and waits for me to finish shoveling and then hecomes down the street at a 100 miles an hour and throws snow allover where I've just been! Tonight the wife wanted me to singChristmas carols with her and open our presents, but I was too busywatching for the darned snow plow.December 25Merry Bah-humbug Christmas! 20 more inches of the darn stufftonight - Snowed in. The idea of shoveling makes my blood boil.Ohh, I hate the snow! Then the snow plow driver came by asking fora donation and I hit him over the head with my shovel. The wifesays I have a bad attitude. I think she's a idiot. If I have towatch "It's A Wonderful Life" one more time, I'm going to stuff herinto the microwave.December 26Still snowed in. Why the heck did I ever move here? It was all HERidea. She's really getting on my nerves.December 27Temperature dropped to - 30 and the pipes froze; plumber came after14 hours of waiting for him, he only charged me $1,400 to replaceall my pipes.December 28Warmed up to above - 20. Still snowed in. That WITCH is driving mecrazy!!!December 2910 more inches. Bob says I have to shovel the roof or it could cavein. That's the silliest thing I ever heard. How dumb does he thinkI am?December 30Roof caved in. I beat up the snow plow driver, and now he is suingme for a million dollars, not only the beating I gave him, but alsofor trying to shove the broken snow shovel up his rear. The wifewent home to her mother. Nine more inches predicted.December 31I set fire to what's left of the house. No more shoveling.January 8Feel so good. I just love those little white pills they keep givingme. Why am I tied to the bed?</blockquote>