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Message: <blockquote data-quote="melody" data-source="post: 1063415736" data-attributes="member: 14320">Delivery RoomA woman is in the delivery room giving birth, the doctor tells her to push. She does and the baby's head pops out. The doctor says, "Oh! Your baby has slanted eyes." To which she replies "Yeah I heard them Chinese men were pretty good, so I decided to give them a try.”The doctor shrugs it off and tells her to push again. This time the baby's body comes out. "Holy Shit, your baby has a white body," the doctor says. "Yeah I heard them white men were pretty good so I decided to give them a try," she said.The doctor shrugs it off again and tells her to push again and that will be it. So she does and the legs come out. "Holy Shit! Your baby has black legs," the doctor said. "Yeah I heard them black men were pretty good so I decided to give them a try," she said.So the doctor shrugs it off again and ties the umbilical cord and slaps the baby on the ass, it starts to cry. The doctor turns to the woman and asks, "How are you going to deal with a baby who has slanted eyes, white body, and black legs?" The woman replies "I'm just glad it didn't bark!"///////A mother is in the kitchen making supper for her family when her young daughter walks in. "Mommy, where do babies come from?" After thinking about it for a moment, the mother explains, "Well, dear, a girl and a boy fall in love and get married. Then, one night they go into their room, hug and kiss, and have sex." The child looks puzzled. The Mother continues, "That means that daddy puts his penis in the mommy's vagina. That's how you get a baby, dear." The child replies, "But, the other night when I came into your bedroom, you had daddy's penis in your mouth. What do you get when you do that, Mommy?" "Jewelry, dear."///////A wise man once said you should treat your woman like a vacuum cleaner........Once she stops sucking......Change the fucking bag///////A family are driving behind a dustcart when a dildo flies out and hits their windscreen. Embarrased, and to protect her young sons innocence, the woman says it was an insect, to which one of the boys replied "I'm surprised it can fly with a cock like that!"///////Man goes into brothel in Amsterdam and asks the madam for the fattest bird with the saggiest tits and a minge like a ripped out old fireplace, the madam says "feeling kinky sir?""No" replies the man, "just fucking homesick" ! Things To RememberLove means never having to say, "Does that twenty include the spanking?"To truly love another, you must first love yourself. And it wouldn't kill youto wash your hands in between either.When it becomes a crime to love, you should probably consider ****** outsidethe family.They say a smile is a gift which is free to the giver and precious to therecipient. But giving the finger is free, too, and I find it more personaland sincere.We cannot see the future. We cannot change the past. We can only live in thenow with an eye towards gaining enough power in the future to wreak revengeon everyone who ever screwed us in the past.If Life hands you lemons today, smile and give thanks. Then when Life isn'tlooking, give him a quick knee to the groin. That'll learn him.Dreaming frees the soul, energizes the spirit and allows you to do thingsthat would get your ass thrown in jail if you really tried them.She Was Soooooooooooooo Blonde:...she took a ruler to bed to see how long she slept....she thought General Motors was in the army....she thought Meow Mix was a CD for cats....she studied for a blood test....she thought she needed a token to get on "Soul Train."...she sold the car for gas money!...when she missed the 44 bus, she took the 22 bus twice instead.</blockquote>