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Message: <blockquote data-quote="melody" data-source="post: 1063419310" data-attributes="member: 14320">VOODOO DICKThis lady walks into her psychiatrist one day and says: "Doctor, Ijust can't have an orgasm.""Do you masturbate?", he says."No luck". is the reply."How about cunnilingus?""Nope""Kick-start vibrator?""Wakes up the neighbors, but not me." she complains."Hmm, looks like a problem. Wait here." the doctor says as he walksinto the next room.He walks out with a black velvet case and places it on his lap. Hereyes widen as he opens it, revealing its contents."What is it", she gasps."It's a VOODOO DICK," he proclaims, as he hoists the foot-long,meaty shaft from the case."It is VERY powerful, but it can fulfill your every desire. Watch.VOODOO DICK, hand!" he commands.The dick leaps across his lap into his open palm faster than the eyecan see."Ooooh", she sighs."VOODOO DICK, box." The dick returns in a shot to its case."You may take this, but you must promise NOT to abuse its power."Certainly, of course, anything you say" she sputters, the wetness inher mouth matched by the wetness in her panties.So she takes the magic missile with her, thanking the good doctorand hurrying out to her car.But she can't wait to get home, so she prys the lid open on the seatnext to her."VOODOO DICK, hand!" she commands.It flies eagerly into her hand. She is amazed by the size of thisveiny tool, and quickly removes her underwear."VOODOO DICK, pussy!" she screams, and it obliges.Burying itself inside her in an instant, she gasps with pleasure."VOODOO DICK, fuck me."It begins to thrust in and out."VOODOO DICK, faster!"It quickens the pace while the woman sits in sexual bliss.Unbelievable sensations course through her body."VOODOO DICK, harder!"It pounds away furiously as orgasms begin, one after the other.Soon the woman begins to tire, unaccustomed to this sort ofsatisfaction."VOODOO DICK, stop."BUT IT WON'T STOP"VOODOO DICK, stop now!", she yells.It continues its relentless assault."Quit it, VOODOO DICK. That hurts"It is oblivious to her desires.She finally manages to wrench it from her pussy and throw it out thewindow.Just as she gets the window rolled up, it is there against theglass, trying to get in.She quickly starts the car and screeches away in terror.60, 70, 80 mph.The VOODOO DICK hot on (and for) her tail.90, 100.The woman starts to pull away as the dick fades away behind the lastcorner.Sirens blare.The women is babbling senselessly as the officer approaches her car."You-you have to let me go. There is this-this thing - gotta go" sheyells."Lady, you were doing 100 miles an hour. What the hell is yourproblem?""You don't under-understand. There is this VOODOO DICK followingme." she sputters."A WHAT?", the cop yells."A magic VOODOO DICK. It's after me!" she exclaims.To which the cop replies, "VOODOO DICK, my ass!"Try Something NewA couple has been ****** for three months, and the sex is getting dull.One night they're lying in bed when the girl says, "Harry, want to trysomething new? It's very kinky."He says, "Sure."She says, "Stand over me and take a shit on me."He stands up, straddles her, squats a bit, and takes a dump on herchest.She says, "Now lie in it on top of me and screw me."He lies on top of her, with the shit oozing between them, and she giveshim the wildest hump he's ever had.The next time they're lying in bed, it's boring and she asks him to doit again. He stands over her and grinds out a huge turd onto her chest.Then he lies on her, and they have another incredible lay.As time goes on, Harry really gets into it. He eats like a horse on thedays before their dates, because it seems the more he craps on her, thebetter the sex is.One Thursday night, he has the runs, so on Friday morning he eats a fewcheese sandwiches and downs a whole bottle of Kaopectate before he goesto work, so he won't wheedle down his legs at the office.That night, he goes to her house, they go in the bedroom and getundressed, she lies on the bed, he stands over her, and squats down, andgrunts...but nothing comes out. He strains a bit, and grunts, and thenllbbt!...a little fart...but nothing of any substance. For a fewminutes, he's pushing and grunting, when suddenly he hears her crying.He says, "Honey, what's wrong?"She says, "You're seeing someone else, aren't you???"~*~^~*~^~*~^~*~^~*~Q. Why was the leper caught speeding?A. Because he couldn't take his foot off the accelerator.Q. How do you make a dog drink?A. Stick it in a blender.Q. How can you tell if a Valentine card is from a leper?A. The tongue's still in the envelope.</blockquote>

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