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Message: <blockquote data-quote="melody" data-source="post: 1063436361" data-attributes="member: 14320"> The WitnessA man returning home a day early from a business trip got into a taxiat the airport. It was after midnight.While en route to his home, he asked the cabby if he would be a witnessas he suspected his wife was having an affair and he intended to catchher in the act. For $100, the cabby agreed.Quietly arriving at the house, the husband and cabby tiptoed into thebedroom. The husband switched on the lights, yanked the blanket backand there was his wife in bed with another man.The husband put a gun to the naked man's head.The wife shouted, "Don't do it! This man has been very generous! I liedwhen I told you I inherited money.He paid for the new golf clubs I bought you. He paid for the CorvetteI bought for you. He paid for our new cabin cruiser. He paid for ourhouse at the lake. He paid for our country club membership, and he even paysthe monthly dues!"Shaking his head from side-to-side the husband slowly lowered the gun.He looked over at the cab driver and said, "What would you do?"The cabby said, "I'd cover his ass up with that blanket before hecatches a cold."=====Why Men Get Out Of BedA recent survey was conducted to discover why men get out of bed in the middle of the night:- 5% said it was to get a glass of water.- 12% said it was to go to the toilet.- 83% said it was to go home=====A man rushes into his house and yells to his wife, "Martha, pack up your things! I just won the National lottery!" Martha responds excitedly, "Shall I pack for warm weather or cold?!" The man responds, "I don't care ... just so long as you're out of the house by noon!"ShipwreckedA man was washed up on a beach after a shipwreck. Only a sheep anda sheepdog were washed up with him. After looking around, herealized that they were stranded on a deserted island.After being there awhile, he got into the habit of taking his twoanimal companions to the beach every evening to watch the sunset.One particular evening, the sky was a fiery red with beautifulcirrus clouds, the breeze was warm and gentle - a perfect night forromance.As they sat there, the sheep started looking better and better tothe lonely man. Soon, he leaned over to the sheep and put his armaround it.But the sheepdog, ever protective of the sheep, growled fiercelyuntil the man took his arm from around the sheep. After that, thethree of them continued to enjoy the sunsets together, but there wasno more cuddling.A few weeks passed by and, lo and behold, there was anothershipwreck. The only survivor was Sarah Palin. That evening, theman brought Sarah to the evening beach ritual. It was anotherbeautiful evening - red sky, cirrus clouds, a warm and gentlebreeze - perfect for a night of romance. Pretty soon, the manstarted to get those "feelings" again. He fought the urges as longas he could but he finally gave in and leaned over to Sarah and toldher he hadn't had sex for months.Sarah batted her eyelashes and asked if there was anything shecould do for him.He said, "Take the dog for a walk."--------A blonde patient was being counseled by the doctor at the localhealth clinic. "Until the penicillin cleans out your infection, youcan't have any relations whatsoever!" The young girl replied,"Okay,but what about friends and neighbors?"?"So he asked me what I wanted, and I told him, 'A long, strong,stiff one.'" "Oh, my!" "Yeah, but you should have seen his face whenI said, 'I meant a drink!'"?What does a blonde call a blow job in a Honda?Her Civic duty?How can a girl tell when her date suffers from prematureejaculation?When he comes walking in the door.?Why do nurses make poor lovers?Because they always wait for the swelling to go down!?How does a lesbian hold her liquor?By the ears.?What does a prostitute have at the end of her shift?A box of assorted creams!=====A singer named Ursula GrevilleHad a lousy affair with the devilHer bush was so thickIt obstructed his prickSo he sent for the Barber of Seville</blockquote>

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