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Message: <blockquote data-quote="melody" data-source="post: 1063444674" data-attributes="member: 14320">Safe Sex OptionsThese days, safe sex isn't just a good idea, it's a matter of life and death. Here are some valuable tips to help you "play it safe":- Do not blow dealers for crack; blow regular citizens for cash, then buy the crack directly.- Think about parents' nude bodies during foreplay; resultant loss of erection will prevent potential unsafe sex.- Don't fall for lines like, "God protects his servants in the clergy from harm."- Do not, no matter how much peers may pressure you, allow anyone to get to third base with you.- Make sure all open sores on penis have thoroughly dried and scabbed over before use.- When taking four cocks in the ass, make sure to have an equal amount of cock in your mouth to reduce the risk of CHI imbalance.- Before fellating an anonymous man in back room of bar, be sure to ask, "You don't have AIDS, do you?"- Douse penis liberally with D-Con roach spray before penetrating ape.- You CAN get it from kissing -- tear out partner's tongue before any mouth-to-mouth contact.- To prevent radiation exposure, use only lead-based condoms.- If you must engage in unsafe sex, take time out beforehand to hope for the best.________________The businessman spent a good half an hour in the hotel loungebragging to the hooker about how big his dick was. Finally shesuggested they retire to his room and check it out, and hewillingly agreed.The guy stripped off his clothes, jumped on top of the hooker,entered her, and said triumphantly, "Why don't you open yourmouth, baby, so I can see the end of my prick?""Open my mouth?" scoffed the hooker. "Why don't you wiggle yourass so I can feel it?"________________In the check out at the food storeA nun was advising the poor:"Hey you up in front!That's too many items ,you cunt!And no food stamps for beer ya dumb whore."Original Jacko's Q's & A'sQ: Why's Michael cutting down on public appearances?A: He wants to spend more time with the kids.Q: How are Michael's friends like U.S. veterans?A: They all get fucked in the end.Q: How will they ensure that Michael gets a thorough body search?A: Hire a Catholic priest to do it.Q: What will they call the upcoming movie about Michael Jackson?A: "The African Queen."Q: How do we know Michael Jackson isn't really a virgin?A: He's got children out the ass.Q: Did you hear that Michael Jackson is running for President?A: His campaign slogan is "Leave No Child's Behind."Q: What happens when Michael talks about sex?A: It's all very tongue in cheek.Q: What does Michael have in common with NASA?A: It's been 25 years since his first moon landing.Q: What do Michael's ass and an LA jail have in common?A: Both hold the juice.Q: What has 18 balls and 3 pubic hairs?A: A Michael Jackson slumber party.Q: What do Michael Jackson and Willie Shoemaker have in common?A: Both ride four year olds.Q: How do we know Michael Jackson is ready to release another album?A: He has a lot of stuff in the can.Q: What will they call Michael's new TV series?A: "Anus and Andy."Q: What do Michael and Mrs. Perot have in common?A: Both fuck little assholes.Q: Why does Michael travel with a huge road crew?A: He always has a lot of shit to pack.Q: Why doesn't Michael sleep with boys anymore?A: He's tired of all the cracks.Q: Why did Michael go to college?A: To get his Bachelor of Arse degree.Q: Why's Michael trying out for the NBA?A: He's a crack shooter.Q: Why's Michael opening a sperm bank?A: He always has a shitload of semen.Q: Who's Michael Jackson's favorite poet?A: Emily Dick in son.Q: What's the difference between Michael and a proctologist?A: A proctologist doesn't pay for the assholes he's poked around in.Q: Why doesn't Michael have orgasms?A: The big payoff comes a couple of months later.Q: Why has Michael been appearing on children's shows lately?A: He has a lot to plug.Q: What's the most difficult stain to try to remove from a little boy'sunderpants?A: Michael Jackson's makeup.Q: Have you heard about the new Michael Jackson candy bar?A: It's made from white chocolate, and contains no nuts.</blockquote>

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