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Message: <blockquote data-quote="melody" data-source="post: 1063468307" data-attributes="member: 14320">Girl Getting Driver's LicenseThere was a young girl who lived up in the hills of Tennessee. She was about to turn sixteen, and couldn't wait to get her driver's license.She had been subjected to much ribbing from her older brother, telling her that she was too dumb to get her license.When the big day came around, she passed the test with flying colors.She rushed home and asked her father if she could use the car that night so she and her friend could go in to town where all the cool kids were at.The father said, "Sure honey, but you'll have to give me a blow-job first."Wanting to go to town real bad, she agreed.As she went down on her father, she suddenly jumped up an said "Dad your dick tastes like shit"Oh yea, her father replied, "I forgot, your brother's got the car tonight."===Samples for the DoctorA man goes to his doctor for an annual check up.The doctor says "I'll need you to come back tomorrow with a urine sample, a poo sample and a sperm sample".The man replies "Right so doctor, I'll bring'em by tomorrow"When he gets home his wife askes "Well what did he say ?"The man replies "He needs me to bring in a pair of your underwear."===A man has been going out with this chick for 2 years, and he has never touched her in his life. One night she gets really pissed off with this (cos she's a bit of a randy mare at the best of times) and says to him, "Why haven't you ever shagged me? We've been going out for 2 years now and all you have done is kissed me and touched my tits!!"He looks scared and replies, "Well, when I was 6 my mum told me that a girl's fanny had teeth and would bite my dick off if it came near"She laughed like a drain and led him into the room, pulled up her skirt and showed him her eager beaver."See", she said, "it doesn't have any teeth!!!""Well", he replied, "I'm not fucking surprised with gums like that!" Joey-Jim was tooling along the road one fine day when the local policeman, a friend of his, pulled him over. "What's wrong, Seamus?" Joey-Jim asked. "Well didn't ya know, Joey-Jim, that your wife fell out of the car about five miles back?" said Seamus. "Ah, praise the Almighty!" he replied with relief. "I thought I'd gone deaf!"Four Leaf CloverTwo Irishmen were walking home after a night on the beer when a severed head rolled along the ground. Mick picked it up to his face and said to Paddy "Jez, that look like Sean" to which Paddy replied "No Sean was taller than that" * * * * LeprechaunMcQuillan walked into a bar and ordered martini after martini, each time removing the olives and placing them in a jar. When the jar was filled with olives and all the drinks consumed, the Irishman started to leave. "S'cuse me," said a customer, who was puzzled over what McQuillan had done. "What was that all about?" "Nothing," said the Irishman, "my wife just sent me out for a jar of olives."*****LeprechaunCasey McCarthy had just arrived in New York City and was amazed at the enormity of everything. Having drunk a pint or two on the flight over, he sorely needed to relieve himself. The first door he entered happened to be a large health club, and he asked the clerk if he might use the men's room. The clerk said certainly and told Casey the men's room was the third door down the corridor on the left. Now Casey, trying to appear sober, weaved his way down the hallway remembering some of the directions. When he reached the third door, he turned RIGHT , opened the door and immediately fell into the deep end of a pool. The clerk, realizing Casey's mistake, ran down the hall and burst through the door, prepared to save him, and heard Casey shout, "Don't flush, I'm in here!"* * * *An Irish drunk stumbles along a Baptismal service on a Sunday afternoon down by the river. Puzzled at the non-Catholic service, he proceeds to stumble down into the water and stands next to the Minister. The Minister turns, notices the old drunk and says, "Mister, are you ready to find Jesus?"The drunk looks back, ever the open-minded fellow, and says, "Yes sir, I am."The Minister then dunks the fellow under the water and pulls him right back up."Have you found Jesus?" the Minister asked."No, I didn't!" said the drunk.The Minister then dunks him under for a quite a bit longer, brings him up and says, "Now brother, have you found Jesus?""No, I did not!" said the drunk again.Disgusted, the Minister holds the man under for at least 30 seconds this time, brings him up and demands, "For the grace of God, have you found Jesus yet?!!!??"The old drunk wipes his eyes and pleads, "Are you sure this is where he fell in?"* * * *A drunken Irishman gets up from the bar and heads for the bathroom. A few minutes later, a loud, blood curdling scream is heard coming from the bathroom. A few minutes later, another loud scream reverberates throughout the bar. The bartender goes to the bathroom to investigate why the drunk is screaming."What's all the screaming about in there"? "You're scaring my customers!""I'm just sitting here on the toilet and every time I flush something comes up and squeezes the hell out of my balls!"With that, the bartender opens the door, looks in and says....."You idiot--You're sitting on the mop bucket!"</blockquote>

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