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<blockquote data-quote="melody" data-source="post: 1063477617" data-attributes="member: 14320"><p><strong><span style="color: Teal">Miscellaneous</span></strong></p><p></p><p>A woman came up behind her husband while he was enjoying his morning coffee and slapped him on the back of the head. "I found a piece of paper in your pants pocket with the name 'Marylou' written on it," she said, furious. "You had better have an explanation." "Calm down, honey," the man replied. "Remember last week when I was at the dog track? That was the name of the dog I bet on. "The next morning, his wife snuck up on him and smacked him again." What was that for?" he complained. "Your dog called last night."</p><p></p><p><strong><span style="color: Red">&&&&&</span></strong></p><p></p><p>The teacher hears Lil Jimmie cussing, so she gets pissed off and goes</p><p>bitching to Jimmie's father. She comes to Jimmie's house and notices</p><p>Little Jimmie fucking a goat in the yard.</p><p></p><p>She walks in the house and screams to his father "Your son! Your son! He</p><p>cussed in school and now, now he's being carnal with a goat in the</p><p>yard!"</p><p></p><p>"Son of a bitch! Today is my turn!" shouted his father.</p><p></p><p><strong><span style="color: Red">&&&&&</span></strong></p><p></p><p>What's the difference between a poodle humping</p><p>your leg and a pitbull humping your leg?</p><p>You let the pit bull finish.</p><p></p><p><strong><span style="color: Red">&&&&&</span></strong></p><p></p><p>The Cadbury's Candy Co.</p><p>and Merck Drug Co.</p><p>Have combined to market</p><p>the new Mint flavored</p><p>birth control pill</p><p>that women may take</p><p>immediately before sex.</p><p>The Pill will be distributed by</p><p>the large major drug store chains and Wal-Mart's Pharmacies.</p><p>They're going to be called....</p><p>"Pre-dick-a-mints."</p><p></p><p><strong><span style="color: Teal">Small Talk</span></strong></p><p></p><p>A man spots a nice looking girl in a bar so he goes up and starts small</p><p>talk. Seeing that she didn't back off he asks her name. "Carmen," she</p><p>replies.</p><p>"That's a nice name," he says, warming up the conversation, "Who named</p><p>you, your mother?"</p><p>"No, I named myself," she answers.</p><p>"Oh, that's interesting. Why Carmen?"</p><p>"Because I like cars, and I like men," she says</p><p>looking directly into his eyes. "What's your name?"</p><p>"Beercunt" he replies.</p><p></p><p><strong><span style="color: Red">==============</span></strong></p><p></p><p>A Blonde suspects that her boyfriend is cheating on her. She goes out</p><p>and buys a gun. She goes to his apartment that same day, and, sure enough,</p><p>when she opens the door, she finds him in the arms of a redhead.</p><p>She becomes extremely angry. She opens her purse and pulls out the gun</p><p>to shoot him, but she's suddenly overcome with grief.</p><p>She puts the gun up to the side her head. Her boyfriend yells "Honey,</p><p>don't do it" She replies "Shut up, you're next"</p><p></p><p><strong><span style="color: Red">==============</span></strong></p><p></p><p>BillyBob and Rusty are walkin' through the drug store.</p><p>Rusty turns to BillyBob and asks, "What's the difference between an oral thermometer and a rectal thermometer?"</p><p>BillyBob replied, "I think it's the taste!"</p><p>Judi, the blonde, runs crying into the office.</p><p>"What's wrong?" gasps her best friend Carol.</p><p></p><p><strong><span style="color: Red">==============</span></strong></p><p></p><p>"It's my boyfriend" gushes Judi. He was working on the engine under</p><p>the hood of his car when the lid came down and cut off a finger!"</p><p></p><p>"My god" shrieks Carol. Did it amputate his WHOLE finger?"</p><p></p><p>"No thank goodness" sniffs Judi. But it was the one just next to it!"</p><p></p><p><strong><span style="color: Red">==============</span></strong></p><p></p><p>Men are like ... newborn babies</p><p>They're cute at first, but you get tired of picking up their crap.</p><p></p><p>Men are like ... coffee</p><p>The best ones are rich, hot and can keep you up all night.</p><p></p><p>Men are like ... computers.</p><p>Hard to figure out and never enough memory.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="melody, post: 1063477617, member: 14320"] [B][COLOR="Teal"]Miscellaneous[/COLOR][/B] A woman came up behind her husband while he was enjoying his morning coffee and slapped him on the back of the head. "I found a piece of paper in your pants pocket with the name 'Marylou' written on it," she said, furious. "You had better have an explanation." "Calm down, honey," the man replied. "Remember last week when I was at the dog track? That was the name of the dog I bet on. "The next morning, his wife snuck up on him and smacked him again." What was that for?" he complained. "Your dog called last night." [B][COLOR="Red"]&&&&&[/COLOR][/B] The teacher hears Lil Jimmie cussing, so she gets pissed off and goes bitching to Jimmie's father. She comes to Jimmie's house and notices Little Jimmie fucking a goat in the yard. She walks in the house and screams to his father "Your son! Your son! He cussed in school and now, now he's being carnal with a goat in the yard!" "Son of a bitch! Today is my turn!" shouted his father. [B][COLOR="Red"]&&&&&[/COLOR][/B] What's the difference between a poodle humping your leg and a pitbull humping your leg? You let the pit bull finish. [B][COLOR="Red"]&&&&&[/COLOR][/B] The Cadbury's Candy Co. and Merck Drug Co. Have combined to market the new Mint flavored birth control pill that women may take immediately before sex. The Pill will be distributed by the large major drug store chains and Wal-Mart's Pharmacies. They're going to be called.... "Pre-dick-a-mints." [B][COLOR="Teal"]Small Talk[/COLOR][/B] A man spots a nice looking girl in a bar so he goes up and starts small talk. Seeing that she didn't back off he asks her name. "Carmen," she replies. "That's a nice name," he says, warming up the conversation, "Who named you, your mother?" "No, I named myself," she answers. "Oh, that's interesting. Why Carmen?" "Because I like cars, and I like men," she says looking directly into his eyes. "What's your name?" "Beercunt" he replies. [B][COLOR="Red"]==============[/COLOR][/B] A Blonde suspects that her boyfriend is cheating on her. She goes out and buys a gun. She goes to his apartment that same day, and, sure enough, when she opens the door, she finds him in the arms of a redhead. She becomes extremely angry. She opens her purse and pulls out the gun to shoot him, but she's suddenly overcome with grief. She puts the gun up to the side her head. Her boyfriend yells "Honey, don't do it" She replies "Shut up, you're next" [B][COLOR="Red"]==============[/COLOR][/B] BillyBob and Rusty are walkin' through the drug store. Rusty turns to BillyBob and asks, "What's the difference between an oral thermometer and a rectal thermometer?" BillyBob replied, "I think it's the taste!" Judi, the blonde, runs crying into the office. "What's wrong?" gasps her best friend Carol. [B][COLOR="Red"]==============[/COLOR][/B] "It's my boyfriend" gushes Judi. He was working on the engine under the hood of his car when the lid came down and cut off a finger!" "My god" shrieks Carol. Did it amputate his WHOLE finger?" "No thank goodness" sniffs Judi. But it was the one just next to it!" [B][COLOR="Red"]==============[/COLOR][/B] Men are like ... newborn babies They're cute at first, but you get tired of picking up their crap. Men are like ... coffee The best ones are rich, hot and can keep you up all night. Men are like ... computers. Hard to figure out and never enough memory. [/QUOTE]
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