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Message: <blockquote data-quote="melody" data-source="post: 1063479984" data-attributes="member: 14320">A guy was visiting Toronto and asked where he could find a good whore house. He was given an address and told to ask for Sally.He went to the address and requested Sally. She took him to a room, stripped down and said, "Go ahead and put it in, but let me know how it is."After a few strokes he said, "It's a little bit loose."She told him to get off for a minute, reached down and fiddled about with her privates. "Try it now." she said.He entered her again and it was perfect, nice and tight.After he finished he asked, "How do you manage to adjust it's size to fit anyone?""Easy," she said, "I've been in this business so long that I've developed warts on one side and worm holes on the other. I just button them up."[:::::]There was a young girl in BerlinWho was fucked by an elderly FinnThough he diddled his best,And fucked her with zestShe kept asking, "hey Pop, is it in?"[:::::]It was a slow afternoon at the pharmacy whenAnthony, the pharmacist, saw a young, buxomblonde walk into the drugstore. The beautifulblonde sashayed up to the counter and askedAnthony, "Do you sell extra large condoms?"The pharmacist replied, "Yes we do. Would youlike to buy some?"The blonde responds, "No sir, but do you mindif I wait around here until someone does?"[:::::]A guy walks into a pharmacy and asks for a bottle of Viagra.The pharmacist says, "Do you have a prescription?"The guy says, "No, but here's a picture of my wife."[:::::]A man goes to a shrink and says, "Doctor, my wife is unfaithful to me. Every evening, she goes to Larry's bar and picks up men. In fact, She sleeps with anybody who asks her! I'm going crazy. What do you think I should do?" "Relax," says the Doctor, "take a deep breath and calm down. Now, tell me, exactly where is Larry's bar?"At the card shop: A woman was spending a long time looking at the cards, finally shaking her head, "No." A clerk came over and asked, "May I help you?" "I don't know," said the woman. "Do you have any 'Sorry I laughed at your dick' cards?"A guy calls the hospital. He says, "You gotta send help! My wife's going into labor!" The nurse says, "Calm down. Is this her first child?" He says, "No! This is her fucking husband!"Marriage Contract For WomenI, the undersigned, a female accepting a marriage proposal, agree that...Section 1.In the unlikely event of my not having an orgasm after you've drunkenly rolled on top of me and pumped away for five *whole* minutes,wheezing like an old man with emphysema, I shall politely fake one.Section 1.01And it'll be a really good act too, with me saying stuff like "So THIS is what hot monkey love is all about!" and howling like a cat that's being repeatedly jabbed with a pin.Section 1.02I will never ask for more *foreplay*.Section 2.I fully understand that a woman's main role in any relationship is to take the blame. So when you stub your toe in the bathroom or your football team loses, I agree that - by some complex scientific equation incomprehensible to woman - it will be my fault. Even if I wasn't there.` Section 3.Whenever my friends and I get together for a girl's night out, I will tell them that you are better hung than a large balled Himalayan yak, and an elephant would jealous of your genitalia.Section 3.01I shall mention *often* your sexual prowess and longevity in the bedroom.Section 3.02And I will also mention this to YOUR friends. A lot.Section 4.After sex (which I will NEVER refer to as "making love"), I will not expect you to cuddle me for hours till your arm goes dead. Nor will I let my hair annoyingly get in your face.Section 4.01I will never, ever give your penis a "cute" nickname.Section 5.In bed, I will be as keen as mustard to try any novel sexual position you fancy. Especially ones where I do all the work and you just lie there, grinning.Section 5.01I will ruthlessly interrogate my attractive female friends and inform you if any of them have the slightest bi-sexual tendencies. Then I'll invite them around for dinner. And hide their car keys so they have to stay.Section 5.02I promise to work out at the gym for two hours a day in order to keep my body sexually desirable to you, even though your intake of beer may cause your gut to swell to proportions of a nine month pregnancy.Section 5.03I promise never to bring up your hair loss and the fact that a baby's butt and/or honeydew melon is somewhat similar.Section 5.04I promise to shave every *possible* inch of my body, and will always love your *weekend* beard...Section 6.After we split up, I will never sleep with any of your friends or colleagues. Or anyone else you have ever met. Or may one day meet. And if men attempt to talk to me, I will solemnly inform them that you have"ruined me for other men".Section 6.I understand that mechanical objects like cars, computer games, and remote control devices are beyond the comprehension of women. I will only make a fool of myself if I attempt to operate them, so you're in charge of anything *mechanical*.Section 6.01With the exception of the following household items: iron, washing machine and dryer, stove, refrigerator, garbage disposal, garbage can, vacuum cleaner, diapers and toilets.Being of sound mind and body, I enter this relationship contract.Signed ____________________________________ (female)</blockquote>

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