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Message: <blockquote data-quote="melody" data-source="post: 1063482441" data-attributes="member: 14320">Leaning In His ChairAn old bloke in the nursing home couldn't talk. One day, while he was sitting in a chair,a nurse walked by and noticed that he was leaning to the right. She sat him upright in hischair and told him to sit still. A while later, the nurse came by again, and this time shenoticed that he was leaning to the left. She straightened him up and told him again tosit still, or else he might fall out of his chair. The next time she made her rounds, she sawthe old guy leaning forward, about to topple headfirst to the floor, so she tied him intothe chair for his own good.Later on in the day, his daughter came to visit, and seeing her father strapped into hischair, asked him what was wrong. The old bloke handed her a note, which she unfoldedand read.It said, "They won't let me fart."==========A little girl was licking a lollipop at a hairdressers and drops it into a heap of cut hair lyingon the floor, the hairdresser says to her: Oh, "have you got hair on your lollipop"?"No", answers the little girl, "I'm only three."==========A little boy asked his mother, "Mummy, am I descended froma monkey?"The mother replied, "I don't know, son, I never met your father'sfolks."==========THERE are three stages on sex in every relationship, and here they are":Anywhere sex - when you first meet you do it anywhere.Bedroom sex - After the kids are asleep you have it in the bedroom.Hallway sex - You pass each other in the hall and say, "Fuck you!"Difficult To Say When You're Drunk*Things that are difficult to say when you're drunk:a) Innovativeb) Preliminaryc) Proliferationd) CinnamonThings that are VERY difficult to say when you're drunk:a) Specificityb) British Constitutionc) Passive-aggressive disorderd) TransubstantiateThings that are ABSOLUTELY IMPOSSIBLE to say when you're drunk:a) Thanks, but I don't want to sleep with you.b) Nope, no more booze for me.c) Sorry, but you're not really my type.d) No kebab for me, thank you.e) Good evening officer, isn't it lovely out tonight?f) I'm not interested in fighting you.g) Oh, I just couldn't - no one wants to hear me sing.h) Thank you, but I won't make any attempt to dance, I have noco-ordination. I'd hate to look like a fool.i) Where is the nearest toilet? I refuse to vomit in the street. j)I must be going home now as I have work in the morning.There was a young fellow named Keith,who liked to be fondled beneath.When she used her lips,He wiggled his hips,But not when the bitch used her teeth.____________________________There was a young lady named HicksWho delighted to play with men's pricks,Which she would embellishWith evident relish,And make them stand up and do tricks.</blockquote>

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