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Message: <blockquote data-quote="melody" data-source="post: 1063544398" data-attributes="member: 14320">Broke Man In A Whorehouse.A guy is horny a hell - but broke. He goes to a whorehouse with $5.00, and begs the Madame to give him whatever she can for it. She says "I'm sorry, but that will only cover the rent for ten minutes, and none of my hookers work for free!" The guy gets the room, but has nothing to fuck. He looks out on the ledge of the building and sees a pigeon. Quietly, he opens the window, grabs the poor bird and just fucks the living shit out of it. Satisfied, he goes home.Next week, he returns to the whorehouse, with his pay cheque. He says to the Madame, "I got lots of money now...give me a hooker!". The Madame replies "All of them are busy now, why don't you go to the peep show and get yourself in the mood?". The guy does, and is enjoying the show, when he turns to the guy next to him and says, "Hey, these chicks really know what they're doing huh?", The guy responds, "Yeah, but you should have been here last week, there was this guy fucking a pigeon!"Two necrophiliacs are at work in the morgue.One of them turns to the other and says, "You shouldhave seen this hot chick they brought in last week.They pulled her out of the water after she'd beenthere for three weeks. Man, I'm tellin' you, her clitwas just like a pickle.""What," the other asks, "green?"."No," says the first, "a bit sour."A hunter kills a deer and brings it home. He decides to clean and serve the venison for supper. He knows his kids are fussy eaters, and won't eat it if they know what it is - so he does not tell them. His little boy keeps asking him, "What's for supper?" "You'll see", says his dad. They start eating supper and his daughter keeps asking what they're eating. "Ok," says her dad, "here's a hint, its what your mother sometimes calls me." "We're eating asshole!!", she screams.A pregnant woman with her first child, paid a visit to her obstetrician's office. After the exam, she shyly said, "My husband wants me to ask you...", to which the doctor replies "I know...I know..." placing a reassuring hand on her shoulder. "I get asked that all the time. Sex is fine until late in the pregnancy." "No, that's not it," the woman confessed. "He wants to know if I can still mow the lawn." Drive Through Cash Machines(ATM) To enable new users to use this facility, the following procedures have been drawn up.MALE PROCEDURE1.. Drive up to cash machine.2.. Roll down car window.3.. Insert card into machine and enter PIN.4.. Enter amount of cash required and withdraw.5.. Retrieve card, cash and receipt.6.. Roll up window.7.. Drive off.FEMALE PROCEDURE1.. Drive up to cash machine.2.. Put car in reverse and back up to required distance to align car window to machine.3.. Restart stalled engine.4.. Roll down car window.5.. Find handbag, remove all contents onto passengers seat to locate card.6.. Attempt to insert card into machine.7.. Open car door to allow easier access to machine due to its excessive distance from car.8.. Insert card.9.. Re-insert card the right way up.10.. Re-enter handbag to find diary with your PIN written on the inside back page.11.. Enter PIN.12.. Press cancel and re-enter correct PIN.13.. Enter amount of cash required.14.. Check make-up in rear view mirror.15.. Retrieve cash and receipt.16.. Empty handbag again to locate wallet and place cash inside.17.. Place receipt in back of check book.18.. Re-check make-up again.19.. Drive forward 10 feet.20.. Put car in reverse and back up to cash machine.21.. Retrieve card.22.. Re- empty handbag, locate card holder, and place card into slot.23.. Re-check make-up24.. Restart stalled engine and pull out.25.. Drive for 3 or 4 miles.26.. Release hand brake.How do we know God is a man?Because if God were a woman, sperm would taste like chocolate!Why are there so many homes for battered women? Because they just don't fucking listen!! If girls are made of sugar & spice, how come they all smell like Anchovies?Why do women get their belly buttons pierced?So they have a place to hang an air freshener!What's the difference between a pussy and a cunt. ? Answer: A pussy is that furry thing between a woman's legs that feels so good, and tastes so good and us guys have so much fun with, And a cunt is what owns it.</blockquote>

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