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<blockquote data-quote="melody" data-source="post: 1063565271" data-attributes="member: 14320"><p><strong><span style="color: Teal">Unwinding</span></strong></p><p></p><p>A man comes home from a tough day of work looking to unwind. After a</p><p>relaxing dinner with his wife, they retired to bed. So, both go to</p><p>their separate beds, however the man was not yet ready to slumber. The</p><p>man called over to his wife, "My little boopey-boo, I'm lonely."</p><p>So the woman gets out of bed and crosses her room to the husband. On</p><p>the way she trips on the carpet and falls on her face. The husband</p><p>with a concerned look on his face says, "Oh, did my little honey-woney</p><p>fall on her little nosey- wosey?"</p><p>The woman gets up and enters the man's bed. The two have passionate</p><p>sex and afterwards the women rolls out. As she is returning to her</p><p>bed, she once again catches her foot on the carpet and falls flat on</p><p>her face.</p><p>The man looks over his shoulder at his wife lying on the floor and</p><p>says, "Clumsy bitch."</p><p></p><p><strong><span style="color: Red">====================</span></strong></p><p></p><p>Q: What's more disgusting than a love bite on a haemorrhoid?</p><p>A: The bloke that put it there!</p><p></p><p>Q: How is a faggot like a pretty girl?</p><p>A: They both only fuck assholes!</p><p></p><p>Q: What's 4x3?</p><p>A: Twice the age of my girlfriend!</p><p></p><p><strong><span style="color: Red">====================</span></strong></p><p></p><p>A Pissed-off wife was complaining about her husband spending all</p><p>his time at the pub, so one night he took her along with him.</p><p>"What'll ya have?" he asked.</p><p>"Oh, I don't know. The same as you I suppose," she replied.</p><p>So the husband ordered a couple of Jack Daniel's and threw his down</p><p>in one go.</p><p>His wife watched him, then took a sip from her glass and immediately</p><p>spat it out.</p><p>"Yuck, it's bloody shit!" she spluttered. "I don't know how you can</p><p>drink this stuff!"</p><p>"Well, there you go," cried the husband. "And you think I'm out enjoying</p><p>myself every night!"</p><p></p><p><strong><span style="color: Teal">A Long Journey</span></strong></p><p></p><p>This guy jumps on a train and is going on a long journey to a city.</p><p>Anyway he sits down next to this old lady who is holding this jar full</p><p>of oysters.</p><p></p><p>The train speeds off, and during the journey the guy starts to get a</p><p>bit hungry and is starting to eye off the jar full of oysters. He is</p><p>just about to give up on the idea of asking the granny for some of her</p><p>oysters when she falls asleep. The guy sees his chance, and waits for</p><p>the best opportunity to grab the jar off the granny.</p><p></p><p>The train flies into a tunnel, the guy grabs the jar carefully off the</p><p>granny. He opens the jar and drinks down some of the oysters. They taste</p><p>a bit funny but it settles his hunger a bit. He carefully puts the jar</p><p>back in the grannies hand, and she keeps on sleeping not noticing a thing.</p><p></p><p>The guy settles back for an hour, until he started getting hungry again.</p><p>The old lady is still asleep, and he sees no problem in eating more of</p><p>her oysters. So he slyly grabs the jar off her, and drinks down the rest</p><p>of its contents. He throws the jar out the window, thinking "what the hey,</p><p>she'll probably forget that she had the jar of oysters".</p><p></p><p>Ten minutes later the old lady wakes up and starts coughing. A very</p><p>violent cough. She looks around, and finally says in a rough voice,</p><p>"Okay, who stole my phlem jar?".</p><p></p><p><strong><span style="color: Red">====================</span></strong></p><p></p><p>Q: What is the definition of Gross?</p><p>A1: Kissing your grandmother and she slips you the tongue.</p><p>A2: Biting into a hot dog and it has veins.</p><p>A3: When you throw your undies at the wall, and they stick.</p><p>A4: You're sitting on you grandfather's lap and he pop a boner.</p><p>A5: Your little brother has lost his scab collection and you're</p><p>eating his corn flakes.</p><p>A6: Finding a string in your bloody mary.</p><p>Q. What's the definition of "bonus?"</p><p>A. You're fucking a pregnant woman and the fetus gives you a blow job.</p><p>Q : What's got 2 legs and bleeds?</p><p>A : Half a dog.</p><p>Q: Why do women have periods?</p><p>A: Because they deserve them</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="melody, post: 1063565271, member: 14320"] [B][COLOR="Teal"]Unwinding[/COLOR][/B] A man comes home from a tough day of work looking to unwind. After a relaxing dinner with his wife, they retired to bed. So, both go to their separate beds, however the man was not yet ready to slumber. The man called over to his wife, "My little boopey-boo, I'm lonely." So the woman gets out of bed and crosses her room to the husband. On the way she trips on the carpet and falls on her face. The husband with a concerned look on his face says, "Oh, did my little honey-woney fall on her little nosey- wosey?" The woman gets up and enters the man's bed. The two have passionate sex and afterwards the women rolls out. As she is returning to her bed, she once again catches her foot on the carpet and falls flat on her face. The man looks over his shoulder at his wife lying on the floor and says, "Clumsy bitch." [B][COLOR="Red"]====================[/COLOR][/B] Q: What's more disgusting than a love bite on a haemorrhoid? A: The bloke that put it there! Q: How is a faggot like a pretty girl? A: They both only fuck assholes! Q: What's 4x3? A: Twice the age of my girlfriend! [B][COLOR="Red"]====================[/COLOR][/B] A Pissed-off wife was complaining about her husband spending all his time at the pub, so one night he took her along with him. "What'll ya have?" he asked. "Oh, I don't know. The same as you I suppose," she replied. So the husband ordered a couple of Jack Daniel's and threw his down in one go. His wife watched him, then took a sip from her glass and immediately spat it out. "Yuck, it's bloody shit!" she spluttered. "I don't know how you can drink this stuff!" "Well, there you go," cried the husband. "And you think I'm out enjoying myself every night!" [B][COLOR="Teal"]A Long Journey[/COLOR][/B] This guy jumps on a train and is going on a long journey to a city. Anyway he sits down next to this old lady who is holding this jar full of oysters. The train speeds off, and during the journey the guy starts to get a bit hungry and is starting to eye off the jar full of oysters. He is just about to give up on the idea of asking the granny for some of her oysters when she falls asleep. The guy sees his chance, and waits for the best opportunity to grab the jar off the granny. The train flies into a tunnel, the guy grabs the jar carefully off the granny. He opens the jar and drinks down some of the oysters. They taste a bit funny but it settles his hunger a bit. He carefully puts the jar back in the grannies hand, and she keeps on sleeping not noticing a thing. The guy settles back for an hour, until he started getting hungry again. The old lady is still asleep, and he sees no problem in eating more of her oysters. So he slyly grabs the jar off her, and drinks down the rest of its contents. He throws the jar out the window, thinking "what the hey, she'll probably forget that she had the jar of oysters". Ten minutes later the old lady wakes up and starts coughing. A very violent cough. She looks around, and finally says in a rough voice, "Okay, who stole my phlem jar?". [B][COLOR="Red"]====================[/COLOR][/B] Q: What is the definition of Gross? A1: Kissing your grandmother and she slips you the tongue. A2: Biting into a hot dog and it has veins. A3: When you throw your undies at the wall, and they stick. A4: You're sitting on you grandfather's lap and he pop a boner. A5: Your little brother has lost his scab collection and you're eating his corn flakes. A6: Finding a string in your bloody mary. Q. What's the definition of "bonus?" A. You're fucking a pregnant woman and the fetus gives you a blow job. Q : What's got 2 legs and bleeds? A : Half a dog. Q: Why do women have periods? A: Because they deserve them [/QUOTE]
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