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Message: <blockquote data-quote="melody" data-source="post: 1063565805" data-attributes="member: 14320"> John Was DesperateAfter many years at sea, John returned to his home village whileon leave. He hadn't had a woman for may years and was desperate.He immediately searched for a brothel. After searching, he findsa suitable establishment.After entering the brothel, he asks the madam how much for awoman.$100 she replies 'I can't afford that, I only have $50 'I'msorry sir but we have nothing for as little as $50 'But pleasehelp me.. I'm desperate... I have been at sea for many years....I need a woman... any woman!' The lady thinks for a moment andgrins to herself.'Well if you are that desperate... go to room 23 down thehallway.' Grateful to the madam, he searches for room 23.He finally finds the room and enters. Inside he discovers themost grotesque woman alive. Spots on her face, greasy hair etc.'How do you want me luv?' 'Errr, on your back with your legs inthe air!' When she lays on her back and parts her legs, he ishorrified to see crabs running in between her legs.'Yuck, I ain't doing that''Well, I can turn on all fours!' she replies'Ok' says the man and immediately she gets on all fours.'Oh my god... you have shit all over your arse.. that's sick''Well there is one more way we can do this.''Is there?' he asks'Yeah...' and she removes an eye from its socket. 'Stick yourdick in there... go on!' He places his dick in the empty socketand starts pumping hard.Minutes later he orgasms violently.'That was fantastic... how 'bout you?' 'Great... when will yoube in town next?''In about 2-3 years time!''Great, I'll keep an eye out for you then!'A man is getting ready to fuck his new girlfriend for the firsttime. He tries to push his dick in, but he can't get it in. Hetries and tries, but to no avail. Finally he pushes inside herand starts giving it to her. He says, "Damn, this hurts. It'sso tight I can barely take it."She says, "OK. Let me go to the bathroom and make it a littleeasier."He climbs off and she disappears for a few moments. When shereturns, she lays down and he climbs back on top of her. Heslides in again, and this time it's much easier."Ahhh. That's more like it. Did you put some KY jelly inthere?""Nope," she replies, "I just peeled off the fucking scabs..."PlasteredA husband is in the habit of coming home plastered to the gills eachnight and each night he throws up in the bathroom sink.His wife warns him each time, that one of these days, he will puke hisguts out. He of course pays no attention. The wife is so disgusted withhis behavior, that she decides to play a little joke on him.While her husband is out drinking one night, she searches the highwaysfor roadkill. She places a bunch of dead animal guts in the bathroomsink and waits for the return of her inebriated husband.He comes home, drunk as usual, and as usual pukes in the bathroom sink.He comes to bed but is more quiet than normal. She asks him if anythingis wrong. He says, "Honey, you were right. It finally happened.I puked my guts out in the sink."She can barely contain her laughter at this point.He continues on to say, "But with the help of the good Lord and aspoon, I got em all back in!"-----------Interview with TarzanTarzan leaves the jungle, comes to civilization, and applies for a job.Interviewer: Name?Tarzan: Me Tarzan...Interviewer: Married?Tarzan: Wife JaneInterviewer: Children?Tarzan: Son boyInterviewer: Anything else to your name besides Tarzan?Tarzan: Tarzan, King of the JungleInterviewer: Jane's Whole NameTarzan: Jane's Hole named Pussy-----------Little Freddy was puzzled as to his origin."How did I get here, Mommy?"His mother said, using a well-worn phrase, "God sent you.""And did God send YOU, too Mommy?""Yes, Freddy, He did.""And GRANDMA and GREAT GRANDMA and DADDY, too?"Again the answer was "Yes, Freddy, He did." Little Freddy shookhis head in disbelief. "Then you mean to tell me there's been no*fucking* in this family for 100 years?!?!?No wonder everyone is so cranky!"</blockquote>

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