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Message: <blockquote data-quote="melody" data-source="post: 1063566714" data-attributes="member: 14320">Water DepartmentRING!Southeast Treatment Plant, this is Dave..."Is this the water department?"Yes Ma'am, for most of this area..."Good. I have some very technical questions to ask you about thewater"I'll try and help..."Why are my nipples getting so hard?"You're not really serious..."I AM SO!! My nipples... they're hard and they have this whitecoating on them!"Uhhhh, huh... hard, uhhh, nipples with white, uhh... stuff..."Not only that, they're getting warped!"I see..."They used to be soft, pink and round!"I'm sure they were..."Now they really look disgusting!"I'm sure they do..."So I want to know what you're going to do about this!"I really don't think I can help you. Have you discussed this withyour personal physician?"Yes I have! He said I should call you because he thought it wasfrom the water!"I see... uhhhh, just why and how does he think the water is causingthis?"He said cleaning them in boiling water sometimes does that"Sounds painful... can't you just sponge them off?"Painful?! THE BABY BOTTLE NIPPLES ARE THE ONES I'M TALKING ABOUT!"Now I understand..."Are you going to buy me new ones?"Why would we do that?"Because your water ruined these. My baby won't suck them anymore.He's been sick and I think it's from the white stuff... he used toreally suck..."May I ask how old your baby is?"He's six, going on seven"Six... and he refuses the bottle? Maybe he's getting a little oldfor the bottle..."DON'T TELL ME HOW TO RAISE MY CHILD!"I wasn't. How long have you been using these nipples?"Since he was born"Hmmmmm. My guess is the white film is from the calcium carbonate inthe water... kind of like bathtub ring of the nipple... and theyare hard and warped because of being boiled and bitten for sixyears..."So! You are refusing to pay!Well, that's not for me to decide. I was only trying to suggestthey might just be plain worn out."THEY WOULDN'T BE WORN OUT IF YOUR WATER WAS ANY GOOD!"There is really nothing more I can do for you..."JUST HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY MONEY?"Well, why don't you just run down to our main office. There you canfile an insurance claim..."What good would that do? Will they give me the money?"They will investigate and make a judgement whether to settle ornot..."Well, you sure haven't been any help! How do I get them to paymore attention than you have?"Just show them your nipples!! (She has to be blonde, right?)__________Drunk walks up to the host of a party and says, "'Scuse me,but do you have green toilet paper that says, 'Fuck you?'"The host looks disdainfully at the drunk and says, "No, Idon't have green toilet paper that says, 'Fuck you.'""Oh, then I'm terribly sorry," says the drunk, "but I thinkI just wiped my ass with your parrot."_________Q: What's the difference between a child molesterand a fucking freak?A: Political correctness.Q: What does a Jewish woman say just before she has an orgasm?A: "Sorry Mom, but I have to hang up now!"Q: Why are blondes like Corn Flakes?A: Because they're simple, they're easy, and they taste good!Q: What's the most common cause of hearing loss among men?A: His wife saying she wants to talk to him.Q: How long did it take to fill the red sea?A: A very long period. Little Johnny's SnackLittle Johnny was in school one day when the teacherbrought around cookies for snack time."Here, Little Johnny, have a cookie.""I don't fucking want one," declared Johnny.The teacher was shocked. She called Little Johnny's mother andscheduled her to come in for a meeting the next day.When Little Johnny's mother arrived, the teacher had her hidebehind the curtain until snack time came around.As she came to Little Johnny she again said to him,"Here Little Johnny. It's time for your cookie.""I don't fucking want one," stated Little Johnny again.The teacher pulled aside the curtain and said to his mother,"See? Did you hear what he said?""So?" said his mother,"Don't fucking give him one."o0o0o0A guy is driving out in the middle of nowhere, very lost.Finally he spots 2 houses so he goes up to the first house and looks in the door way. He sees an old lady yanking on her boobs and an old man jerking off.He is so freaked out that he goes to the next house and says "What's up with your neighbors?" and the owner of the house says "Oh that’s the Robinson’s, they're both deaf.She's telling him to go milk the cow and he's telling her to go fuck herself!"o0o0o0One day a girl decided to buy some crotchless panties to surprise her boyfriend.She went and bought them, got home, put them on and waited. When the boyfriend got home there she was spread eagle on the bed with only her panties and bra on. "Come over here baby." she says smiling.The boyfriend backs off, "If your pussy can do that to your panties - I ain't going any near it!"</blockquote>

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