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Message: <blockquote data-quote="melody" data-source="post: 1063581191" data-attributes="member: 14320">Sex On MarsThe year is 2222 and Charlie and Maureen land on Mars after accumulating enough Frequent Flier miles.They meet a Martian couple and are talking about all sorts of things. Charlie asks if Mars has a stock market, if they have laptop computers, how they make money, etc.Finally, Maureen brings up the subject of sex.'Just how do you guys do it?' asks Maureen.The Martian responds, 'Pretty much the way you do.'A discussion ensues and finally the couples decide to swap partners for the night and experience one another.. Maureen and the male Martian go off to a bedroom where the Martian strips. He's got only a teeny, weenie member about half an inch long and just a quarter-inch thick.'I don't think this is going to work,' says Maureen.'Why?' he asks. 'What's the matter?''Well,' she replies, 'it's just not long enough to reach me!''No problem,' he says, and proceeds to slap his forehead with his palm. With each slap of his forehead, his member grows until it's quite impressively long.'Well,' she says, 'that's quite impressive, but it is still narrow.''No problem,' he says, and starts pulling his ears. With each pull, his member grows wider and wider until the entire measurement is extremely exciting to the woman.'Wow!' she exclaims, as they fell into bed and made mad passionate love.The next day the couples rejoin their other partners and go their separate ways. As they walked along, Charlie asks, 'Well, was it any good?''I hate to say it,' says Maureen, 'but it was wonderful. How about you?''It was horrible,' he replies. 'All I got was a headache . She kept slapping my forehead and pulling my ears. The mortician calls Mrs. Banley, and says, "Excuse me Mrs. Banley, but I can't seem to close the lid to your husband's coffin because he has a huge erection." To which she replies, "Why don't you cut it off and stick it up his ass? That's the only hole in town it hasn't been in."*A couple is lying in bed. The man says, "I am going to make you the happiest woman in the world" The woman says, "I'll miss you."*I've never gone to bed with an ugly man, but I've woken up with a few.*Patient: "Doc, you gotta help me. I'm under a lot of stress. I keep losing my temper with people."*Doctor: "Tell me about your problem."Patient: "I just did, you fucking jackass!"An old man in the nursing home got a bottle of wine for his birthday. He talked the old lady in the next room into sharing it with him.After they were both totally bombed, he started groping the old lady and pulling at her clothes. He managed to get her blouse and bra off before she stopped him.She said, "I can't do this, I have acute angina".The old guy says "God, I hope so, you've got the ugliest tits I've ever seen."Important News For Women On Sex And Health...~*~ Every blowjob you give adds one month to your life.~*~ If you swallow, the protein ingested is equivalent to fiveporterhouse steaks - but contains only 150 calories.~*~ A hand-job a day keeps arthritis away.~*~ Every ten minutes of love-making is equivalent to thirty minutes onthe treadmill.~*~ Doing it doggie-style will erase crow's feet and wrinkles.~*~ Intercourse prevents divorce.~*~ Regular screwing releases Vitamin F, which increases the number ofbrain cells.~*~ Sex eliminates headaches.~*~ Obeying the Eleventh Commandment, "Thou shalt make thy man hard,"triples your chances of getting into heaven.~*~ Inviting an attractive female friend into bed with you and yourlover earns you a diamond choker for your birthday.~*~^~*~^~*~^~*~^~*~^~*~^~*~^~*~^~*~^~*~^~*~^~*~^~*~^~*~^~*~Two men were discussing how tight ass cold their wives were regardingsex. The first fellow says "My wife's so cold I can put a glass of waterin bed with her and the next morning its turned to ice."The second fellow says "Hell, every time my old lady spreads her legsthe furnace kicks in!"~*~^~*~^~*~^~*~^~*~^~*~^~*~^~*~^~*~^~*~^~*~^~*~^~*~^~*~^~*~First soft drink makerQ: Who was the first soft drink maker?A: Adam-He made Eve's cherry popFirst carpenterQ: who was the first carpenter?A: Eve- she made Adams banana standThe logoQ: What's the logo for the new Polish tampon?A: "We may not be number 1, but were still up there!"The earthquakeQ: Did you hear about the Mexico City earthquake?A: It did $100 million worth of improvements.</blockquote>