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Message: <blockquote data-quote="melody" data-source="post: 1063583048" data-attributes="member: 14320">WHAT HALLMARK DOESN'T PRINTSo your daughter's a hooker, and it spoiled your day. Look at the brightside, it's really good pay.My tire was thumping. I thought it was flat. When I looked at thetire... I noticed your cat. Sorry!Heard your wife left you, How upset you must be. But don't fret aboutit... She moved in with me.Looking back over the years that we've been together, I can't help butwonder? What the hell was I thinking?Congratulations on your wedding day! Too bad no one likes your husband.How could two people as beautiful as you... Have such an ugly baby?I've always wanted to have someone to hold, someone to love. Afterhaving met you ... I've changed my mind.I must admit, you brought Religion into my life... I never believed inHell till I met you.As the days go by, I think of how lucky I am... That you're not here toruin it for me.Congratulations on your promotion. Before you go ... would you like totake this knife out of my back? You'll probably need it again.Someday I hope to get married. But not to you.Happy birthday! You look great for your age... Almost Lifelike!When we were together, you always said you'd die for me. Now that we'vebroken up, I think it's time you kept your promise.We have been friends for a very long time... what say we stop?I'm so miserable without you .... it's almost like you're here. .:~*~:. .:~*~:. .:~*~:. .:~*~:. .:~*~:.Q: Why are hurricanes normally named after women?A: Because when they come, they're wild and wet. But then they go, theytake your house and car with them.A Farmer I Know Named O'DooleHas A Long And Incredible Tool.He Can Use It to Plow,Or To Diddle a Cow,Or Just As A Cue Stick For Pool.Q: What are the small bumps around a woman's nipples for?A: It's Braille for suck here..:~*~:.WOMEN'S HUMOR:My husband came home with a tube of K Y jelly and said,"This will make you happy tonight."He was right. When he went out of the bedroom, I squirted it all overthe doorknobs and he couldn't get back in.</blockquote>