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Message: <blockquote data-quote="melody" data-source="post: 1063595376" data-attributes="member: 14320">MY Wife's Love"I'm worried that I'm losing my wife's love," the husband told thecounselor."Has she started to neglect you?""Not at all," the dejected man replied. "She meets me at the door with acold drink and a warm kiss. My shirts are always ironed, she's a greatcook, the house is always neat, she keeps the kids out of my hair. Shelets me choose the television shows we watch and she never objects tokinky sex or says she has a headache.""So what's the problem?""Maybe I'm just being too sensitive," the husband ventured, "but atnight, when she thinks I'm sleeping, she puts her lips close to my earand whispers, 'Die! You son of a bitch, die!'"@@@A man comes home from work and is greeted by his wifedressed in a teddy."Tie me up," she purrs, "and you can do anything you want."So he ties her up and goes out for a round of golf.@@@A guy walks into a bar and orders twelve shots ofthe best whiskey in the house. The bartender proceedsto fill twelve shot glasses and stares , puzzled, atthe guy as he begins to drink them down, one by one.As the guy is finishing the eleventh shot, the bartenderasks, "What's the occasion?" The guy says,"I'm celebrating my first blowjob!", as he finishes offthe last shot."Well," says the bartender, "in that case, here haveone on the house " and he fills another shot glass."No thanks," says the guy, "If twelve didn't get thetaste out of my mouth, one more won't!" An Elderly CoupleAn elderly couple sat through a porno movie twice. They didn't get upto leave until the theater was ready to close for the night. "You folksmust've enjoyed the show," the usher said."Disgusting," said the old lady. "It was revolting," her husband added."Then why did you sit through it twice?" the usher asks."We had to wait until you turned up the house lights," the old ladyreplied. "We couldn't find my panties, and his teeth were in them!"xxxBob: "My doctor says if I don't give up sex, I'll be dead in a week."Bill: "Why is that?"Bob: "I've been screwing his wife."xxxJeff was seeing his doctor. The doctor said, "I havegood news and bad news.""What's the bad news?""Your wife has syphillis.""Jeez! What could possibly be good news.""She didn't get it from you."xxxTwo high-school buddies were attending the senior prom."Suzy wants to go out to my car. She's really hot," one boy said. "I'mreally nervous. I know I'll goof up!""Take it easy," his friend assured him. "All you gotta do is complimenther. Chicks love to be complimented. You'll have her in the palm of yourhand."About a half-hour later the young man came back, rubbing a black eye."Shit, man! What happened to you?!" his buddy asked."I took your advice.""Didn't you compliment her?""Sure I did. We got in my car and started kissing. I told her that forsuch full lips, hers sure tasted sweet. She liked that. After awhile Istarted feeling her tits, and I told her that for such large breaststhey sure were firm. She like that too.""It sounds like you were doing great," his friend said."Well," the other answered, "that's when everything went wrong. I gother dress up and her panties off, and I tried to think of anothercompliment.""What did you say?""For such a large crack, it doesn't stink much."</blockquote>

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