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Message: <blockquote data-quote="melody" data-source="post: 1063604511" data-attributes="member: 14320">MEN'S THOUGHTS DURING LOVE MAKINGKissing/Light Petting:What he hopes you're thinking: "Oh, I can't resist: I'm powerless before your seductive ways!"What he's afraid you're thinking: "Garlic breath--ewwww! "**UndressingWhat he hopes you're thinking: "My God, look at the SIZE of that!"What he's afraid you're thinking: "My God, look at the size of that!"**Foreplay/Oral SexWhat he hopes you're thinking: "I could worship at the alter of your impressive manhood for hours."What he's afraid you're thinking: "If he doesn't warn me before he cums, I'm going to kill him."**PenetrationWhat he hopes you're thinking: "You stallion, you're splitting me in half!"What he's afraid you're thinking: "Is it in yet?"**Your OrgasmWhat he hopes you're thinking: "Yes, (his name here), yes!"What he's afraid you're thinking: "I deserve an Academy Award for this performance. "What he's even more afraid you're thinking: "Yes, (other guy's name here), yes!"**Postcoital BlissWhat he hopes you're thinking: "Now I know what an earthquake feels like."What he's afraid you're thinking: "Maybe I should let my lesbian friend Sue take me to that females-only dance club after all."**********Two old friends are having coffee when the first woman says,"I hear that you've been telling people that I'm ugly!""Oh, no! I've just been saying that your new hairdo makes youlook less attractive.""I also heard that you've been calling me fat!""Oh, no! I just said that the way you wear those stripes makesyou look larger than you really are.""I also heard that you're saying that my husband has a wart onhis dick!""Oh, no! I only said that it feels like he has a wart on hisdick!"~THE REAL MAN'S TEST~This is a test DESIGNED BY REAL MEN, intended FOR REAL MEN ONLY.Circle the best answer to each question below. Answers below1. Impotence isa. rude or disrespectful behaviorb. helpful when you need dinner reservations or theater ticketsc. when you care enough to give her a break from her sexual duties2. A menstrual cycle hasa. three wheelsb. two wheelsc. no wheels...it just drags along3. The G-spot isa. a key on the pianob. close to the F-spotc. imaginary - dreamed up by feminists to persecute men4. Masturbate refers toa. the best fishing lure for big fishb. everyone joining in the discussionc. the rewards enjoyed by a man who does his best work alone5. Premature ejaculation isa. a man younger than 18 having sexb. soiling your new PLAYBOY before you get to the centerfoldc. the ultimate testament to your woman's overpowering sex appeal6. A Douche isa. one rank above Earlb. a playing card with the number "2"c. French for "You're fresh out of luck tonight"7 Lesbian refers toa. someone from the Middle Eastb. a French word for "the well"c. a woman trying to do what a man does better8. Vagina isa. a heart diseaseb. a state near Washington DCc. like a Club Med - a retreat where kids aren't your responsibility9. Pornography isa. the business of making recordsb. the science of loaning money against hocked valuablesc. better than foreplay - you're ready before she hits the sheets10. KOTEX isa. a radio station in Los Angelesb. a synthetic fiber for outerwearc. a chastity belt for women who don't need one11. A wet dream is likely to occura. when your roof begins to leak at nightb. reading the Sports Illustrated swimsuit editionc. when a work accident has disabled both your handsSCORING: The correct answer to all questions is (c).If you got 11 CORRECT:You are a real man. The only romantic challenge you face is findinga woman worthy of your attentions.If you got 6-9 CORRECT:You are still a man...but you need to spend more time riding inpickup trucks, talking to chicks on sex hotlines, visiting internetpornography sites...If you got 1-5 CORRECT:Liberals, feminists, fairies and wimps are chipping away at yourmanhood. Stay away from open, honest discussions of sexuality...anyone's sexuality!if you got NONE CORRECT:It's time for sex change surgery, testosterone replacement therapy,monastic life or marriage.</blockquote>

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