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Message: <blockquote data-quote="melody" data-source="post: 1063611593" data-attributes="member: 14320">A Dummies' Guide For Dummy’sDon't throw a brick straight up.Don't take long naps while driving.Walk around toxic waste dumps, not through them.Your body has the correct number of holes in it. Don't make any more.Don't microwave yourself too often.Don't stick body parts into electrical outlets.When using an acetylene torch, don't feel the flame to see if it'ssufficiently hot.If you're on a ball field and someone shouts "Heads up!" don't actuallyraise your head up. Cover it with your arms and duck.Don't tie yourself to an airplane propeller.When you are in bed remember to close your eyes.No matter how tempting it is to be one with nature, stay on the outsideof all fences at the zoo.When sticking thumb tacks into bulletin boards, press on the flat end.Under no circumstances should you ever reproduce.When you find a prize in a box of "Crackerjacks" there is no need toreport it on your income tax return."Time" magazine is not suitable to wear on your wrist. Get a watch.One + one = two. Try to remember that.Don't count the peas in a can. It is not an exact science.If you discover that February only has 28 days, don't report it to theConsumer Fraud Department. Likely they will ignore your complaint.For faster elevator service press the elevator button many times.April 1st is Your special high holy day.-------A Polish woman went to the drugstore and asked the clerk to sell hersome deodorant for her husband. "Certainly, madam," answered the clerk,"would that be the ball type?""Oh, no. It's for under his arms."-------A balding man asked his barber one visit if the barber knew any kindof treatment that would combat hair loss. "Yes," said the barber, "I knowof something very effective. I use fluids from the vagina.""Female fluid? But that's preposterous! You are one of the baldestguys I have ever met!""Oh, on top. Who cares about that? Check out my moustache!"</blockquote>

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