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Message: <blockquote data-quote="melody" data-source="post: 1063633156" data-attributes="member: 14320">Would I Like To Have Sex With You?I'd rather ...Masturbate with a cheese grater.Slide down a barbed wire banister into a bucket of alcohol.Stick my genitals in a beehive.Crush my foreskin between two tables whilst being bitch whippedby a fat, mustached geek named Spyros.Have a porcupine inserted violently into my rectum.Sandpaper a wildcat's ass.Dry fuck a polar bear in a phone booth.Cram my dick in the ass of a bear with inflamed hemorrhoids.Try to open a beer bottle with my sphincter... and not a twist off either.Poke a Grizzly Bear in the ass with a short stick.Stick a Hartz flea brush up my ass and jog a mile.Watch Rosie O'Donnell and Roseanne mud wrestle... in the nude. Have sex with Pee Wee Herman in the daylight, without a bag toput over his head.-=-=-=-=-=The 15 year old girl is going on her first date, and her mother warns her not to let the boy put his hands up her dress.The girl agrees, and the mother is reassured that her daughter will not let the boy put his hands up her dress.The boy and girl go out, and after a movie and a nosh they are parked in lover's lane.He makes a move and tries to put his hands up her dress.She stops him once, twice and three times.He's all disappointed.Then she tells him why, "I promised my mother that I wouldn't let you put your hands up my dress.But, you can put your hands down the back of my dress, and it's the second hole you come to!"Ex-Wive's Descriptions Any of you guys have an ex-wife out there that might fit thesedescriptions....*She's been on her knees more times than Billy Graham.*She's been laid on more kitchen floors than linoleum.*She's done more screwing than Black and Decker.*She's responsible for more merry men than Robin Hood.*She's turned more tricks than Houdini has.*She's been in more motel rooms than the Bible.*She's been boarded more times than Amtrak.*She's been mounted more often than Trigger.*She's been involved with more animals than Marlin Perkins has.*She's entertained more troops than Bob Hope.*She's been at more bedsides than Dr. Kildare has.*She's been turned more ways than Rubik's Cube.*She's spent more time under men than barstools.*She's seen more traffic than the George Washington Bridge.*She's had more turnovers than the International House of Pancakes.*She's been under more sheets than the Ku Klux Klan.*She's had more marines land on her bed than on Iwo Jima.*Hoover classifies her tongue as a vacuum cleaner.*Her body has been declared a national recreation area.*Her diaphragms come with a service contract.*She has an IUD with a beeper!*She uses industrial strength douche.*Her gynecologist entered her in the Grand Canyon look-alike contest.*Her underwear is by Rubbermaid.*Her pantyhose has a pet door.*She was hospitalized for six months when a truck driver mistook her for the*Holland Tunnel.Two morticians are sitting around at the end of the day:"Did you see that cute redhead they brought in yesterday?""Yeah, she was really something!""Did you see the clit on that girl?""Yeah, it was like a pickle!""Well, it wasn't that big . . .""No, but it was that sour!"</blockquote>