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Message: <blockquote data-quote="melody" data-source="post: 1063638281" data-attributes="member: 14320">A kid goes up to his father and says, "Hey, Pop, do you know how old I am today?"His father says, "No...how old?"He says, "I'm eleven!"He goes into the kitchen and says to his grandmother, "Hey, Grandma, know how old I am today?"She says, "Come closer..."She unzips his jeans and reaches her thin, spotted arm down into his underwear.She fondles his genitals for a few minutes and then she says, "You're eleven."He says, "How could you tell?"She says, "I heard you tell your father." ______Mentally picture yourself near a stream. Birds are chirping in the crisp,cool mountain air.Nothing can bother you here. No one knows this secret place.You are in total seclusion from that place called the "world."The soothing sound of a gentle waterfall fills the air with a cascadeof serenity.The water is so clear that you can easily make out the face of theperson whose head you are holding under the water.There now.......feeling better?______Q: Speaking of elephants, what does an elephant use for a vibrator?A: An epileptic.Q: Why does Dr. Pepper come in a bottle?A: Because his wife died.Q: Did you hear about the new all-black western movie that just came out?A: It's called, "Ride, Motherfucker, Ride."______An extremely elderly couple went before a judge and sought a divorce. The judge read the paperwork and said, "Let me get this straight.You have been married for 59 years and now you want a divorce? How doyou explain that?""Well, your honor," said the wife, "We knew the only decent thingto do was to wait until all the kids had died first."______A little boy wearing a cowboy hat and toy sixguns walked intoan ice cream store and asked for a banana split. The girl waiting onhim said, "OK, would you like your nuts crushed?""Fuck no, lady! How would you like your tits shot off?"@@@I once knew this bloke from Cape HornWho wished he had never been bornAnd he wouldn't have beenIf his Father had seenThat the end of the rubber was tornbbbbbOne night a husband and wife were asleep in bed when the telephone suddenly rang.The husband picked the phone up and said, "Hello? What? It's 2 am! What do you think I am, the fucking weatherman or something?" and slammed the phone down.The wife looked over totally bewildered and asked, "Who was that?""I don't know," replied the husband, "It was just some stupid guy asking if the coast was clear!"bbbbbA teacher was asking her class what their fathers did. Whenshe asked young Johnny, he said, "My father's dead, Miss.""Oh, I am sorry, Johnny. In that case, what did he do before he died?""He went blue and collapsed."bbbbbJerry was walking near a ladies fashion store when he observed this knockout blonde approaching him.He says to the lady, "You are a gal with my favorite kind of legs!"The blonde asks, "And just what kind of legs are they?"Jerry says, " They have feet on one end and pussy on the other!"</blockquote>