Reply to thread

See what others are reading now! Try Forums > Current Activity

Message: <blockquote data-quote="melody" data-source="post: 1063641567" data-attributes="member: 14320">Standing At The UrinalDarrell was standing at a urinal in a bar bathroom when thisenormous guys walks in, unzips his pants and exposes the biggestdick in the world -- four feet long, five inches thick and violentlyred and angry.The monster looks at Darrell, grabs his huge dick with both hands,like holding a baseball bat, and gives it an almighty swing,smashing the porcelain sink to pieces!He growls and leers at the now frightened Darrell, looks around andwith another almighty swing, smashes the condom vending machineright off the wall!After another hideous growl he slams his huge dick against the sideof the urinal several times, bending the stainless steel intocontorted shapes!All of a sudden he stops, looks Darrell straight in the eye andshouts, "The next place this porcelain smashing, vender bending,urinal destroyer is going... is up your ass buddy!"With that, Darrell lets out a sigh of relief and says, "Thank Godfor that, I thought you were going to HIT me with it."~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~An acquaintance of my dear friendPut a rodent into his hind end.Though you might think it queerHe was one Ricky Gere,And he loves to feel that f*cker squirm in his arse.There once was a man from Kansas,Who's nuts were made out of brassIn stormy weather,he'd clack them togetherand lightning shot out of his assThere once was a man from HavanaScrewed a girl on a player pianoAt the height of their feverHer ass hit the leverAnd Yes he has no banana... Tips on how to MasturbationIf you're a girl1) Get something small if it's your first time, like a lip glosscontainer. Make sure it's got a rounded tip.2) Put a little water on it.3) Get yourself on the ground or your bed. Make sure you'recomfortable.4) Put your feet up on something. Make sure they are higher thanyour head. Spread your legs.5) For the ultimate experience, relax first. Just lay there.Think about nothing. And DON'T BE NERVOUS.6) Slowly begin to touch your breasts.Feel them (have your eyes closed or open but if they are open makesure you're not focusing on anything)7) Keep one hand on your breast and slowly move the other one downto your thigh.Move your hand up and down your thigh while massaging your breast.8) With your breast hand, slowly take the lip gloss container oryour object of choice. Your clit might start to get a weird feelinglike you really want to touch it. DON'T.9) Tease yourself with the object by gently rubbing the spot betweenyour poop hole and vagina. This will drive you nuts. Slowly beginto touch and massage the part right above the hole. (I suggest youknow where it is before you start all this.)10) Rub for a while. Gently, occasionally harder but not too hardyet.11) At this point you should be aching to rub harder and just getgoing. Again, don't. If you do not feel this yet, continue theteasing, very gently.12) Slowly move your fingers to the hole, don't put them in, butjust finger it softly.13) Take your object and place it near the hole and your other hand.Take your free hand off the hole and start to massage your clitharder. (That's the spot above the hole)14) Slowly stick the object in. Gently, it shouldn't feel good yet.It might hurt a small amount going in. That means you've bumped asensitive spot. That's not a bad thing, just angle it a little andkeep going.15) Once it's in as far as it can be without losing it to yourpussy, begin slowly moving it in and out a little. Don't take itall the way out, just a little. Get faster, and faster. Startmassaging your clit HARD. Go nuts. You might feel like your on thebrink of an orgasm. You might have one. This feels very good.16) Then stick it in all the way and start pushing it back and forthhitting the sides of your hole. Faster, faster. Massage clitagain.17) Repeat steps 15 and 16 as much as you want. If you take it outfor longer than 30 seconds, I suggest you excite yourself again withthe teasing. Since you have already done it, you're going to wantit worse.18) I would stop with the lip gloss for now, don't go on tosomething bigger. Save that for another night. You could be soreafter this but you shouldn't be unless you used something large.If you're a boy1)Read this.2)Rub penis.</blockquote>