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Message: <blockquote data-quote="melody" data-source="post: 1063661330" data-attributes="member: 14320">Old One Liners1. What is the leading cause of death with lesbians?Answer: Hair balls.2. How do you know if a blonde has been sending e-mail?Answer: You see a bunch of envelopes stuffed into the disk drive3. What can Life Savers do that men cannot?Answer: Come in five flavors4. What is good on pizza but bad on pussy?Answer: Crust5. Why does Miss Piggy douche with honey?Answer: Because Kermit likes sweet and sour pork6. How can you tell if you have a high sperm count?Answer: If your girlfriend chews before swallowing OMG! OMG! OMG !7. What do you get when you get Raggedy Ann and the Pillsbury Dough Boytogether?Answer: A red headed bitch with a yeast infection8. How do you piss off Winnie The Pooh?Answer: By sticking your finger in his honey9. What is the ultimate rejection?Answer: When your masturbating and your hand falls asleep10. What did Bill Clinton say to Monica?Answer: I told you to lick my erection, not wreck my election.11. What does pizza delivery man and a gynecologist have in common?Answer: Both can smell it but can't eat it12. What do you call a blonde with pigtails?Answer: A blow job with handle bars13. What do you call a group of blondes on roller skates?Answer: A mobile sperm bank.14. What do you call a blonde with a dollar bill over her head?Answer: All you can eat for under a buck.15. What do you get when you mix a rooster with a telephone pole?Answer: A 30ft cock that wants to reach out and touch someone.16. What do you call a virgin on a waterbed?Answer: cherry float.17. What did the sign on the door of the whorehouse say?Answer: Beat IT - we're closed.18. Why do walruses go to Tupperware parties?Answer: To find a tight seal.19. What do you do with 365 used rubbers?Answer: Melt them down, make a tire, and call it a Goodyear.20. What's the difference between sin and shame?Answer: It is a sin to put it in, but it's a shame to pull it out.21. What's the speed limit of sex?Answer: 68; at 69 you have to turn around.22. Why did Raggedy Ann get thrown out of the toy box?Answer: She kept sitting on Pinocchio's face, and moaning, "Lie to me!"23. Why is air a lot like sex?Answer: Because it's no big deal unless you're not getting any.24. What's another name for pickled bread?Answer: Dill-dough25. Why did Frosty the Snowman pull down his pants?Answer: He heard the snow blower coming.26. Why are Monica Lewinsky's cheeks so puffy?Answer: She's withholding evidence27. What's the difference between light and hard?Answer: You can sleep with a light on.28. Why do women rub their eyes when they get out of bed?Answer: Because they don't have balls to scratch.29. Why is sex like a bridge game?Answer: You don't need a partner if you have a good hand.30. What do a Christmas tree and a priest have in common?Answer: Their balls are just for decoration.31. Why don't blind people like to sky dive?Answer: Because it scares the hell out of the dog.Three ExplorersThree explorers were in the deepest darkest jungles of Africa, and were captured by a pigmy tribe.The tribe brings them before the chief, who declares that the explorers were tracking across secret hunting grounds, and the penalty was death.One explorer asks the chief if they are to die, could they chose the way they wanted to go.After much consideration, the chief agreed.The first explorer loved to eat, and wanted to eat himself to death.The tribe puts him in a hut with 10,000 lbs of food, and two guards outside the door to make sure he doesn't escape.The second explorer loved to drink, and wanted to drink himself to death.Again, the tribe puts him in a hut with 10,000 gals of booze, and two guards outside the door to make sure he doesn't escape.The third explored loved to screw women.This took a little time, as the tribe had to construct a large hut and collect 10,000 naked women.They finally got it all together, placed the explorer in the hut with 10,000 naked women, and two guards outside the hut to make sure he didn't escape.Time rolled by, and about 3 months later the chief remembered that he had to see how the punishment of the three explorers turned out.He went to the first hut, and found the man had ate so much, he exploded.He had the two guards clean up the mess and dismissed them.In the second hut, the explorer drank so much, he puked his guts out.The chief had the two guards clean up the mess, and dismissed them.You'd never guess what the chief found in the third hut...10,000 pregnant women, two guards outside the door with red asses, and the explorer jacking off in the corner!~~~~~~~~~~~~~A young apprentice talent agent went out to dinner and a few drinksone night. After a few drinks he met a woman and they had a fewdrinks together then ended up at his place.Things start to get pretty hot and he goes down on her. When hegets close to it he hears something, so he puts his ear closer andhears singing. It's a high pitched sweet voice singing an old song.The man is so excited he forgets all about sex, he gets on the phoneand calls his boss."Hello Joe you gotta hear this," and he puts the phone down by herpussy where the singing is still going on. "Did you hear that Joe,Did you hear it?"Joe says, "What the hell's wrong with you? Did you wake me up atthree o'clock in the morning just to hear some cunt sing!</blockquote>

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