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<blockquote data-quote="melody" data-source="post: 1063673658" data-attributes="member: 14320"><p><strong><span style="color: Teal">Feminist wisdom</span></strong></p><p></p><p>Inside every older person is a younger person -- wondering what the hell happened.</p><p>-Cora Harvey Armstrong-</p><p></p><p>Inside me lives a skinny woman crying to get out. But I can usually shut the bitch up with cookies.</p><p>(Unknown)</p><p></p><p>The hardest years in life are those between ten and seventy.</p><p>-Helen Hayes (at 73)-</p><p></p><p>I refuse to think of them as chin hairs. I think of them as stray eyebrows.</p><p>-Janette Barber-</p><p></p><p>Things are going to get a lot worse before they get worse.</p><p>-Lily Tomlin-</p><p></p><p>My second favorite household chore is ironing. My first one being -- hitting my head on the top bunk bed until I faint.</p><p>-Erma Bombeck-</p><p></p><p>Old age ain't no place for sissies.</p><p>-Bette Davis-</p><p></p><p>A man's got to do what a man's got to do. A woman must do what he can't.</p><p>-Rhonda Hansome-</p><p></p><p>The phrase "working mother" is redundant.</p><p>-Jane Sellman-</p><p></p><p>Every time I close the door on reality, it comes in through the windows.</p><p>-Jennifer Unlimited-</p><p></p><p>Whatever women must do they must do twice as well as men to be thought half as good. Luckily, this is not difficult.</p><p>-Charlotte Whitton-</p><p></p><p>Thirty-five is when you finally get your head together and your body starts falling apart.</p><p>-Caryn Leschen-</p><p></p><p>I try to take one day at a time -- but sometimes several days attack me at once.</p><p>-Jennifer Unlimited-</p><p></p><p>If you can't be a good example -- then you'll just have to be a horrible warning.</p><p>-Catherine-</p><p></p><p>I'm not offended by all the dumb blonde jokes because I know I'm not dumb -- and I'm also not blonde.</p><p>-Dolly Parton-</p><p></p><p>If high heels were so wonderful, men would still be wearing them.</p><p>-Sue Grafton-</p><p></p><p>I'm not going to vacuum 'til Sears makes one you can ride on.</p><p>-Roseanne Barr-</p><p></p><p>When women are depressed they either eat or go shopping. Men invade another country.</p><p>-Elayne Boosler-</p><p></p><p>Behind every successful man is a surprised woman.</p><p>-Maryon Pearson-</p><p></p><p>In politics, if you want anything said, ask a man. If you want anything done, ask a woman.</p><p>-Margaret Thatcher-</p><p></p><p>I have yet to hear a man ask for advice on how to combine marriage and a career.</p><p>-Gloria Steinem-</p><p></p><p>I am a marvelous housekeeper. Every time I leave a man, I keep his house.</p><p>-Zsa Zsa Gabor-</p><p></p><p><strong><span style="color: Teal">Stuck To The Bathroom Floor</span></strong></p><p></p><p>Sheila, the Aussie housewife, got out of the shower and slipped on the bathroom floor. Instead of falling over forwards or backwards, she did the splits and suctioned-cupped herself to the floor. She yelled out for her husband, “Bruce! Bruce!” and he came running in.</p><p>“Bruce, I’ve bloody suctioned myself to the floor,” she said.</p><p>“S’truth, Sheila!” Bruce said, and tried to pull her up. “You’re stuck fast girl. I’ll go across the road and get me mate Cobber.”</p><p>They came back and they both tried to pull her up from the floor.</p><p>“No way, we can’t do it!” Cobber said, “So let’s try Plan B.”</p><p>“Plan B?” exclaimed Bruce, “What’s that?”</p><p>“I’ll go home and get me hammer and chisel and we’ll break the tiles under her.” replied Cobber.</p><p>“Spot on.” Bruce said, “While you’re doing that, I’ll stay here and play with her nipples.”</p><p>“Play with her nipples?” Cobber said, “Not exactly a good time for that mate!”</p><p>“No…” Bruce replied, “But I reckon if I can get her wet enough, we can slide her into the kitchen where the tiles are a lot cheaper!!!”</p><p><strong><span style="color: Red">________</span></strong></p><p></p><p>Are you aware of the discovery in the human body of a nerve that</p><p>connects the eyeball to the asshole?</p><p>It is called the anal optic nerve.</p><p>It is responsible for giving people a shitty outlook on life.</p><p>If you don't believe me, pull a hair from your ass and see if it</p><p>doesn't bring a tear to your eye.</p><p><strong><span style="color: Red">________</span></strong></p><p></p><p>Did you hear about the near-tragedy at the mall?</p><p>There was a power outage, and twelve blondes were stuck on the</p><p>escalators for over four hours.</p><p>What did the blonde do when she broke her Tupperware?</p><p>Called the plastic surgeon.</p><p>What do you get when you mix PMS with GPS?</p><p>A crazy bitch who will find you!</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="melody, post: 1063673658, member: 14320"] [B][COLOR="Teal"]Feminist wisdom[/COLOR][/B] Inside every older person is a younger person -- wondering what the hell happened. -Cora Harvey Armstrong- Inside me lives a skinny woman crying to get out. But I can usually shut the bitch up with cookies. (Unknown) The hardest years in life are those between ten and seventy. -Helen Hayes (at 73)- I refuse to think of them as chin hairs. I think of them as stray eyebrows. -Janette Barber- Things are going to get a lot worse before they get worse. -Lily Tomlin- My second favorite household chore is ironing. My first one being -- hitting my head on the top bunk bed until I faint. -Erma Bombeck- Old age ain't no place for sissies. -Bette Davis- A man's got to do what a man's got to do. A woman must do what he can't. -Rhonda Hansome- The phrase "working mother" is redundant. -Jane Sellman- Every time I close the door on reality, it comes in through the windows. -Jennifer Unlimited- Whatever women must do they must do twice as well as men to be thought half as good. Luckily, this is not difficult. -Charlotte Whitton- Thirty-five is when you finally get your head together and your body starts falling apart. -Caryn Leschen- I try to take one day at a time -- but sometimes several days attack me at once. -Jennifer Unlimited- If you can't be a good example -- then you'll just have to be a horrible warning. -Catherine- I'm not offended by all the dumb blonde jokes because I know I'm not dumb -- and I'm also not blonde. -Dolly Parton- If high heels were so wonderful, men would still be wearing them. -Sue Grafton- I'm not going to vacuum 'til Sears makes one you can ride on. -Roseanne Barr- When women are depressed they either eat or go shopping. Men invade another country. -Elayne Boosler- Behind every successful man is a surprised woman. -Maryon Pearson- In politics, if you want anything said, ask a man. If you want anything done, ask a woman. -Margaret Thatcher- I have yet to hear a man ask for advice on how to combine marriage and a career. -Gloria Steinem- I am a marvelous housekeeper. Every time I leave a man, I keep his house. -Zsa Zsa Gabor- [B][COLOR="Teal"]Stuck To The Bathroom Floor[/COLOR][/B] Sheila, the Aussie housewife, got out of the shower and slipped on the bathroom floor. Instead of falling over forwards or backwards, she did the splits and suctioned-cupped herself to the floor. She yelled out for her husband, “Bruce! Bruce!” and he came running in. “Bruce, I’ve bloody suctioned myself to the floor,” she said. “S’truth, Sheila!” Bruce said, and tried to pull her up. “You’re stuck fast girl. I’ll go across the road and get me mate Cobber.” They came back and they both tried to pull her up from the floor. “No way, we can’t do it!” Cobber said, “So let’s try Plan B.” “Plan B?” exclaimed Bruce, “What’s that?” “I’ll go home and get me hammer and chisel and we’ll break the tiles under her.” replied Cobber. “Spot on.” Bruce said, “While you’re doing that, I’ll stay here and play with her nipples.” “Play with her nipples?” Cobber said, “Not exactly a good time for that mate!” “No…” Bruce replied, “But I reckon if I can get her wet enough, we can slide her into the kitchen where the tiles are a lot cheaper!!!” [B][COLOR="Red"]________[/COLOR][/B] Are you aware of the discovery in the human body of a nerve that connects the eyeball to the asshole? It is called the anal optic nerve. It is responsible for giving people a shitty outlook on life. If you don't believe me, pull a hair from your ass and see if it doesn't bring a tear to your eye. [B][COLOR="Red"]________[/COLOR][/B] Did you hear about the near-tragedy at the mall? There was a power outage, and twelve blondes were stuck on the escalators for over four hours. What did the blonde do when she broke her Tupperware? Called the plastic surgeon. What do you get when you mix PMS with GPS? A crazy bitch who will find you! [/QUOTE]
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