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Message: <blockquote data-quote="melody" data-source="post: 1063680659" data-attributes="member: 14320"> Grandma And GrandpaGrandma & grandpa laying in bed one night, when grandma says to grandpa,"Hey, grandpa now that you're retired, is there anything that you always wanted but never got?""Yeh, there is", said grandpa."What is it?" asked grandma. "Maybe I can get it for you.""Well, grandma, I always wanted a blow-job," said grandpa."A blow-job is what you want, then a blow-job is what you'll get. But I don't know how to give you one," said grandma.Grandpa says, "Well I've often heard the boys at the plant before I retired, say that in order to get it right,their wives practiced on Ketchup bottles."Grandma says, "O.K. I'll practice all day tomorrow and give you a blow-job when we go to bed."The following night grandpa was waiting patiently with a super hard-on. Grandma approached grandpa,grabbed his penis with her left hand and began punching the top of grandpa's penis with her right hand.zzzzzHENPECKED HUSBANDS* He comes right out and says what she tells him to Think.* She does not have to raise the roof, all she hasTo do is raise an eyebrow.* He always has the last word - he says, "I'm sorry".* He was a man about town; she has turned him intoA mouse around the house.* The last big decision she let him make was whetherTo wash or to dry.* He was a dude before marriage - now he isSubdued.* He goes to a woman dentist - it's a relief to be toldTo open his mouth instead of to shut it.zzzzzA soldier known only as SargeHad sex with a hooker named MargeThough only a gruntHe assaulted her cuntAnd gave her a hon'rable discharge.Granny's ShrimpLittle Johnny runs into the living room one day and says, "Mom, whyhas Granny got a shrimp between her legs?""Don't be silly; Granny hasn't got a shrimp between her legs!" hismother replies.But Little Johnny is insistent "She has, she has!" he shouts.With this his mother grabs Little Johnny by the hand and says, "Ok,I have had enough of your foolishness. Show me!"Little Johnny drags his mother into grandma's room where, being avery hot evening, Granny is fast asleep on top of her bed with noclothes on. Little Johnny drags his mother to the end of the bedand points between Granny's legs. "Look I told you so" he says."See the little shrimp!"His mother calmly decides she had better explain. "OK, Johnny, Iknow it looks a bit like a little shrimp but it's called aclitoris.""That's funny" retorts Little Johnny "It tastes like shrimp..."There was a young girl named O'MalleyWho wanted to dance in the ballet.She got roars of applauseWhen she kicked off her drawersBut her hair and her bush didn't tally.There Was A Young Lass Of DecaturWho'd Become A Wild Masturbator.''Men Are Miss or HitWhen Tickling My Clit,That I've Purchased A Big New Vibrator.Q. How long is the average woman in labor?A. Whatever she says, divided by two.Q. My wife is five months pregnant and so moody that sometimes she’s borderline irrational.A. So what’s your question?One day, a family of a mother and two boys, Timmy and Tommy, were riding in their car on the way to church. Timmy leaned over, smacked Tommy across the head, and Tommy yelled out "Ouch you fucking wanker!" later that day in church, the mom went to talk to the priest. she said "Father, my boys just won't stop swearing and I don't know what to do." the priest says "Well, have you tried smacking them?" she said "No, doesn't the church look down on that?" the priest says "Well, yes, but in some cases we'll make an exception." The next day, the two boys come down for breakfast and she asks Tommy what he wants for breakfast. Tommy says "Well, gimme some fucking waffles." The mom backhands Tommy so hard, he flies out of his chair and lands against the door. shocked and terrified by this, Timmy becomes very quiet. his mother asks him what he wants for breakfast, and his reply was "Well you can bet your sweet ass I don't want no fucking waffles!"</blockquote>

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