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<blockquote data-quote="melody" data-source="post: 1063683691" data-attributes="member: 14320"><p><strong><span style="color: Teal">Things Never To Say During Sex...</span></strong></p><p><strong><span style="color: Teal">Part 2</span></strong></p><p></p><p>42) I think my dad is listening at the door.</p><p>43) smile for the camera, honey!!!</p><p>44) take off that damn monkey glove!!</p><p>45) get your hand out of there!!</p><p>46) I think the condom broke 10 minutes ago.</p><p>47) I knew you wore a padded bra!!</p><p>48) cover me boys, I'm going in!!!</p><p>49) DIVE! DIVE! DIVE!</p><p>50) Fire one!</p><p>51) God, that is small!!</p><p>52) hold on, let me change the channel...</p><p>53) who smells like fish?</p><p>54) is it O.K. if my mom (and/or dad) joins in?</p><p>55) your best-friend does it much better.</p><p>56) hope you don't mind I left my boots on.</p><p>57) hurry up, the motor's runnin'.</p><p>58) you're fogging up the wind-shield.</p><p>59) can I borrow 5 bucks?</p><p>60) what the hell noise was that?!</p><p>61) stop moaning, you sound so stupid.</p><p>62) shut up, bitch! (worse if the girl says it)</p><p>63) you know, you're not really attractive.</p><p>64) I'm sorry, I was not listening.</p><p>65) what, oh yea, I love you too, now let me concentrate!!</p><p>66) stop interrupting me!!</p><p>67) I have to take a shit.</p><p>68) did I leave the iron on?</p><p>69) your breath is funky.</p><p>70) (start singing Green Day) .</p><p>71) is it O.K. if I call someone, its O.K. though, keep going....</p><p>72) its OK honey, I can imagine that its bigger.</p><p>73) god I wish you were a real woman.</p><p>74) why can't you ever shave your legs?</p><p>75) by the way, when I drove over here, I ran over your dog....</p><p>76) oh Susan, Susan... I mean donna.... shit.</p><p>77) your breast milk is like my mom's....</p><p>78) you're hairy!!</p><p>79) your "happy trail" led me to a dead end.</p><p>80) is it O.K. if I never see you again?</p><p>81) did I forget to tell you I got worms from my cat?</p><p>82) don't make that face at me!</p><p>83) all of a sudden I have a headache.</p><p>84) you're boring.</p><p></p><p><strong><span style="color: Teal">IN HONOR OF STUPID PEOPLE....</span></strong></p><p></p><p>In case you needed further proof that the human race is doomed through</p><p>stupidity, here are more actual label instructions on consumer goods.</p><p></p><p>On a Sears hairdryer</p><p>"Do not use while sleeping."</p><p>(But I just don't have time when I'm awake!)</p><p></p><p>On a bag of Fritos</p><p>"You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside."</p><p>(The shoplifter special?)</p><p></p><p>On a bar of Dial soap</p><p>"Directions: Use like regular soap."</p><p>(As opposed to....)</p><p></p><p>On some Swanson frozen dinners</p><p>"Serving suggestion: Defrost."</p><p>(But, it's just a suggestion.)</p><p></p><p>On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom)</p><p>"Do not turn upside down."</p><p>(Well...duh, a bit late, huh!)</p><p></p><p>On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding</p><p>"Product will be hot after heating."</p><p>(And you thought?)</p><p></p><p>On an auto sun screen</p><p>"Do not cover windshield while driving."</p><p>(Where's the challenge?)</p><p></p><p>On packaging for a Rowenta iron</p><p>"Do not iron clothes on body."</p><p>(But wouldn't this save me time?)</p><p></p><p>On Boot's Children Cough Medicine</p><p>"Do not drive a car or operate machinery after taking this</p><p>medication."</p><p>(Yeah, you tell a 5 year-old he can't drive.)</p><p></p><p>On Nytol Sleep Aid</p><p>"Warning: May cause drowsiness."</p><p>(There goes my whole night!)</p><p></p><p>On most brands of Christmas lights</p><p>"For indoor or outdoor use only."</p><p>(As opposed to....)</p><p></p><p>On a Japanese food processor</p><p>"Not to be used for the other use."</p><p>(Now, somebody out there, help me on this.)</p><p></p><p>On Sainsbury's peanuts</p><p>"Warning: contains nuts."</p><p>(Duh)</p><p></p><p>On an American Airlines packet of nuts</p><p>"Instructions: Open packet, eat nuts."</p><p>(Then use Dial soap like regular soap.)</p><p></p><p>On a laser pointer</p><p>"Do not look directly into laser with remaining eye."</p><p>(Why didn't I read that first?)</p><p></p><p>On a child's Superman costume</p><p>"Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly."</p><p>(That's gotta be false advertising.)</p><p></p><p>On a Swedish chainsaw</p><p>"Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands or genitals."</p><p>(Hands, I can understand... but genitals?! It takes a REAL man!)</p><p></p><p>Excuse me, I've got to go out and get me a Swedish chainsaw....</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="melody, post: 1063683691, member: 14320"] [B][COLOR="Teal"]Things Never To Say During Sex... Part 2[/COLOR][/B] 42) I think my dad is listening at the door. 43) smile for the camera, honey!!! 44) take off that damn monkey glove!! 45) get your hand out of there!! 46) I think the condom broke 10 minutes ago. 47) I knew you wore a padded bra!! 48) cover me boys, I'm going in!!! 49) DIVE! DIVE! DIVE! 50) Fire one! 51) God, that is small!! 52) hold on, let me change the channel... 53) who smells like fish? 54) is it O.K. if my mom (and/or dad) joins in? 55) your best-friend does it much better. 56) hope you don't mind I left my boots on. 57) hurry up, the motor's runnin'. 58) you're fogging up the wind-shield. 59) can I borrow 5 bucks? 60) what the hell noise was that?! 61) stop moaning, you sound so stupid. 62) shut up, bitch! (worse if the girl says it) 63) you know, you're not really attractive. 64) I'm sorry, I was not listening. 65) what, oh yea, I love you too, now let me concentrate!! 66) stop interrupting me!! 67) I have to take a shit. 68) did I leave the iron on? 69) your breath is funky. 70) (start singing Green Day) . 71) is it O.K. if I call someone, its O.K. though, keep going.... 72) its OK honey, I can imagine that its bigger. 73) god I wish you were a real woman. 74) why can't you ever shave your legs? 75) by the way, when I drove over here, I ran over your dog.... 76) oh Susan, Susan... I mean donna.... shit. 77) your breast milk is like my mom's.... 78) you're hairy!! 79) your "happy trail" led me to a dead end. 80) is it O.K. if I never see you again? 81) did I forget to tell you I got worms from my cat? 82) don't make that face at me! 83) all of a sudden I have a headache. 84) you're boring. [B][COLOR="Teal"]IN HONOR OF STUPID PEOPLE....[/COLOR][/B] In case you needed further proof that the human race is doomed through stupidity, here are more actual label instructions on consumer goods. On a Sears hairdryer "Do not use while sleeping." (But I just don't have time when I'm awake!) On a bag of Fritos "You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside." (The shoplifter special?) On a bar of Dial soap "Directions: Use like regular soap." (As opposed to....) On some Swanson frozen dinners "Serving suggestion: Defrost." (But, it's just a suggestion.) On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom) "Do not turn upside down." (Well...duh, a bit late, huh!) On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding "Product will be hot after heating." (And you thought?) On an auto sun screen "Do not cover windshield while driving." (Where's the challenge?) On packaging for a Rowenta iron "Do not iron clothes on body." (But wouldn't this save me time?) On Boot's Children Cough Medicine "Do not drive a car or operate machinery after taking this medication." (Yeah, you tell a 5 year-old he can't drive.) On Nytol Sleep Aid "Warning: May cause drowsiness." (There goes my whole night!) On most brands of Christmas lights "For indoor or outdoor use only." (As opposed to....) On a Japanese food processor "Not to be used for the other use." (Now, somebody out there, help me on this.) On Sainsbury's peanuts "Warning: contains nuts." (Duh) On an American Airlines packet of nuts "Instructions: Open packet, eat nuts." (Then use Dial soap like regular soap.) On a laser pointer "Do not look directly into laser with remaining eye." (Why didn't I read that first?) On a child's Superman costume "Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly." (That's gotta be false advertising.) On a Swedish chainsaw "Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands or genitals." (Hands, I can understand... but genitals?! It takes a REAL man!) Excuse me, I've got to go out and get me a Swedish chainsaw.... [/QUOTE]
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