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<blockquote data-quote="melody" data-source="post: 1063684307" data-attributes="member: 14320"><p><strong><span style="color: Teal">First Game Of Golf</span></strong></p><p></p><p>A Husband takes his wife to play her first game of golf. Of course, the</p><p>wife promptly hacked her first shot right through the window of the biggest</p><p>house adjacent to the course. The husband cringed, 'I warned you to be</p><p>careful!</p><p>Now we'll have to go up there, find the owner, apologize and see how</p><p>much your lousy drive is going to cost us.'</p><p></p><p>So the couple walked up to the house and knocked on the door. A warm</p><p>voice said, 'Come on in.' When they opened the door they saw the damage that</p><p>was done: glass was all over the place and a broken antique bottle was lying</p><p>on ts side near the pieces of window glass. A man reclining on the couch</p><p>asked, 'Are you the people that broke my window?'</p><p>'Uh...yeah! , sir. We're sure sorry about that,' the husband replied.</p><p>'Oh, no apology is necessary. Actually I want to thank you. You see, I'm</p><p>a genie and I've been trapped in that bottle for a thousand years. Now</p><p>that you've released me, I'm allowed to grant three wishes. I'll give you</p><p>each one wish, but if you don't mind, I'll keep the last one for myself.'</p><p>'Wow, that's great!' the husband said. He pondered a moment and blurted</p><p>out,</p><p>'I'd like a million dollars a year for the rest of my life.'</p><p>'No problem,' said the genie 'You've got it, it's the least I can do.</p><p>And I'll guarantee you a long, healthy life!'</p><p>'And now you, young lady, what do you want?' the genie asked.</p><p>'I'd like to own a gorgeous home in every country in the world complete</p><p>with servants,' she said. 'Consider it done,' the genie said. 'And your homes</p><p>will always be safe from fire, burglary and natural disasters!'</p><p>'And now,' the couple asked in unison, 'what's your wish, genie?'</p><p>'Well, since I've been trapped in that bottle, and haven't been with a</p><p>woman in more than a thousand years, my wish is to have sex with your wife.'</p><p></p><p>The husband looked at his wife and said, 'Gee, honey, you know we both</p><p>now have a fortune and all those houses. What do you think?' She mulled it</p><p>over for a few moments and said, 'You know, you're right. Considering our</p><p>good fortune, I guess I wouldn't mind but what about you, honey?'</p><p>'You know I love you sweetheart,' said the husband. I'd do the same for</p><p>you!' So the genie and the woman went upstairs where they spent the rest</p><p>of the afternoon enjoying each other.</p><p></p><p>The genie was insatiable. After about three hours of non-stop sex, the</p><p>genie rolled over and looked directly into her eyes and asked, 'How old are</p><p>you and your husband?'</p><p>'Why, we're both 35,' she responded breathlessly.</p><p>'No Kidding,' he said.</p><p>'Thirty-five years old and you both still believe in genies?'</p><p></p><p><strong><span style="color: Red">()()()()()</span></strong></p><p></p><p>The waitress in a greasy spoon restaurant asked his customer if he</p><p>were ready to order.</p><p>"Yes," the man replied, "but first I'd like to know how you prepare</p><p>your chickens."</p><p>"Well," answered the waitress, "first off we jest tell them straight</p><p>out that they are gonna die."</p><p></p><p><strong><span style="color: Red">()()()()()</span></strong></p><p></p><p>A blond guy told his pal, "I am going to break up with Muffy."</p><p>"What did she do to deserve that?" his friend asked.</p><p>"She told me she is bi-sexual."</p><p>"Dude! That sounds hot!" his friend answered. "So, what's the</p><p>problem?"</p><p>"What's the problem?" the blond guy exclaimed, "Who wants to</p><p>fuck just twice a year?"</p><p></p><p><strong><span style="color: Teal">Top 10 Reasons For Getting Out Of Sex:</span></strong></p><p></p><p>10. I'd love to honey, but I just banged your sister.</p><p></p><p>9. We're out of paper bags for your head again.</p><p></p><p>8. You haven't shaved in so long I'm afraid I'd feel I was making love to Big Foot.</p><p></p><p>7. You're 20 bucks short.</p><p></p><p>6. We're out of gin again.</p><p></p><p>5. I used my last sponge for the dishes.</p><p></p><p>4. Sorry, this isn't a conjugal visit.</p><p></p><p>3. I can't tonight honey, I spent myself earlier watching all those porno's.</p><p></p><p>2. Only if you put on this wig and act like a Chinese hooker.</p><p></p><p>1. Your gynecologist just called. You still have crabs, and you know I don't like seafood.</p><p></p><p><strong><span style="color: Red">========</span></strong></p><p></p><p>How do you get a lesbian to like you?</p><p>Don't be a dick.</p><p>What do lawyers and prostitutes have in common?</p><p>They're both paid to get you off.</p><p></p><p>"Daddy?" a young boy asked his dad, "How much does it cost to get</p><p>married?"</p><p>The father replied, "I don't know son, I'm still paying for mine."</p><p></p><p>Why do so many women fake orgasms?</p><p>Because so many men fake foreplay.</p><p></p><p><strong><span style="color: Red">========</span></strong></p><p></p><p>One morning a husband a wife were having breakfast together when the</p><p>wife said to her husband,</p><p>"You know the neighbor lady told me she and her husband have sex every</p><p>day. Why can't you do that?"</p><p></p><p>The husband replied, "Because, I hardly know the woman."</p><p></p><p><strong><span style="color: Red">========</span></strong></p><p></p><p>How do you know your mistress or wife has gained too much weight?</p><p>She fits into your clothes.</p><p></p><p>What did the left testicle say to the right testicle?</p><p>This guy in the middle is a dick.</p><p></p><p><strong><span style="color: Red">========</span></strong></p><p></p><p>"My teacher is really giving me a tuff time" Little Johnny told his</p><p>father.</p><p></p><p>"Handle it this way Johnny," his father advised. "Take special care with</p><p>your personal appearance and attire. Pay attention in class. And do your</p><p>assignments and homework promptly."</p><p></p><p>"I really don't think that'll help Dad," Johnny sighed. "She hissed at</p><p>me during study break that she's 3 weeks overdue."</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="melody, post: 1063684307, member: 14320"] [B][COLOR="Teal"]First Game Of Golf[/COLOR][/B] A Husband takes his wife to play her first game of golf. Of course, the wife promptly hacked her first shot right through the window of the biggest house adjacent to the course. The husband cringed, 'I warned you to be careful! Now we'll have to go up there, find the owner, apologize and see how much your lousy drive is going to cost us.' So the couple walked up to the house and knocked on the door. A warm voice said, 'Come on in.' When they opened the door they saw the damage that was done: glass was all over the place and a broken antique bottle was lying on ts side near the pieces of window glass. A man reclining on the couch asked, 'Are you the people that broke my window?' 'Uh...yeah! , sir. We're sure sorry about that,' the husband replied. 'Oh, no apology is necessary. Actually I want to thank you. You see, I'm a genie and I've been trapped in that bottle for a thousand years. Now that you've released me, I'm allowed to grant three wishes. I'll give you each one wish, but if you don't mind, I'll keep the last one for myself.' 'Wow, that's great!' the husband said. He pondered a moment and blurted out, 'I'd like a million dollars a year for the rest of my life.' 'No problem,' said the genie 'You've got it, it's the least I can do. And I'll guarantee you a long, healthy life!' 'And now you, young lady, what do you want?' the genie asked. 'I'd like to own a gorgeous home in every country in the world complete with servants,' she said. 'Consider it done,' the genie said. 'And your homes will always be safe from fire, burglary and natural disasters!' 'And now,' the couple asked in unison, 'what's your wish, genie?' 'Well, since I've been trapped in that bottle, and haven't been with a woman in more than a thousand years, my wish is to have sex with your wife.' The husband looked at his wife and said, 'Gee, honey, you know we both now have a fortune and all those houses. What do you think?' She mulled it over for a few moments and said, 'You know, you're right. Considering our good fortune, I guess I wouldn't mind but what about you, honey?' 'You know I love you sweetheart,' said the husband. I'd do the same for you!' So the genie and the woman went upstairs where they spent the rest of the afternoon enjoying each other. The genie was insatiable. After about three hours of non-stop sex, the genie rolled over and looked directly into her eyes and asked, 'How old are you and your husband?' 'Why, we're both 35,' she responded breathlessly. 'No Kidding,' he said. 'Thirty-five years old and you both still believe in genies?' [B][COLOR="Red"]()()()()()[/COLOR][/B] The waitress in a greasy spoon restaurant asked his customer if he were ready to order. "Yes," the man replied, "but first I'd like to know how you prepare your chickens." "Well," answered the waitress, "first off we jest tell them straight out that they are gonna die." [B][COLOR="Red"]()()()()()[/COLOR][/B] A blond guy told his pal, "I am going to break up with Muffy." "What did she do to deserve that?" his friend asked. "She told me she is bi-sexual." "Dude! That sounds hot!" his friend answered. "So, what's the problem?" "What's the problem?" the blond guy exclaimed, "Who wants to fuck just twice a year?" [B][COLOR="Teal"]Top 10 Reasons For Getting Out Of Sex:[/COLOR][/B] 10. I'd love to honey, but I just banged your sister. 9. We're out of paper bags for your head again. 8. You haven't shaved in so long I'm afraid I'd feel I was making love to Big Foot. 7. You're 20 bucks short. 6. We're out of gin again. 5. I used my last sponge for the dishes. 4. Sorry, this isn't a conjugal visit. 3. I can't tonight honey, I spent myself earlier watching all those porno's. 2. Only if you put on this wig and act like a Chinese hooker. 1. Your gynecologist just called. You still have crabs, and you know I don't like seafood. [B][COLOR="Red"]========[/COLOR][/B] How do you get a lesbian to like you? Don't be a dick. What do lawyers and prostitutes have in common? They're both paid to get you off. "Daddy?" a young boy asked his dad, "How much does it cost to get married?" The father replied, "I don't know son, I'm still paying for mine." Why do so many women fake orgasms? Because so many men fake foreplay. [B][COLOR="Red"]========[/COLOR][/B] One morning a husband a wife were having breakfast together when the wife said to her husband, "You know the neighbor lady told me she and her husband have sex every day. Why can't you do that?" The husband replied, "Because, I hardly know the woman." [B][COLOR="Red"]========[/COLOR][/B] How do you know your mistress or wife has gained too much weight? She fits into your clothes. What did the left testicle say to the right testicle? This guy in the middle is a dick. [B][COLOR="Red"]========[/COLOR][/B] "My teacher is really giving me a tuff time" Little Johnny told his father. "Handle it this way Johnny," his father advised. "Take special care with your personal appearance and attire. Pay attention in class. And do your assignments and homework promptly." "I really don't think that'll help Dad," Johnny sighed. "She hissed at me during study break that she's 3 weeks overdue." [/QUOTE]
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