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Message: <blockquote data-quote="melody" data-source="post: 1063687603" data-attributes="member: 14320">A Blind Lumber ManThe foreman at the lumberyard needed a replacement for an employee who just quit;and while he wasn't eager to hire the blind man (because of the obvious risks involved), the blind man begged for the chance."You'll see," he said. "Just put me in front of a pile of lumber. I sniff the lumber and know what type it is I will stack it accordingly."So the foreman agreed to give it a shot.Positioning the blind man in front of a stack of wood, he asked what type it was. Ahhhhhhhhhh..." said the blind man, taking a deep breath. "Pine, twelve-foot," and stacked it in place.The foreman was surprised and repeated the test with oak and redwood, fir and mahogany, but the blind man didn't miss once.Then, getting a sly look on his face, the foreman called up to the office secretary."There's a blind man applying for a job and I don't want to hire him.He says he can tell what kind of wood we have just by sniffing it.I want to confuse him.. come back here, take off all your clothes and lay on top of that pile of wood."The secretary stripped naked and draped herself across the wood.Sniffing furiously, the blind man then looked puzzled. "Gee, I don't believe I've ever smelled wood like that before... let me take another sniff."He went closer and sniffed the wood again."DAMN, I have no idea what that is... can you turn it over?"The secretary turned over.The blind man went near the pile of wood and took another deep sniff."Well?" the foreman asked. "What kind of wood is THAT?""Hmmm..." said the blind man, "I'm not sure, but near as I can tell, it's the shit house door off a tuna boat."------------Two senior citizens were bragging about their sex lives in the elderlyhomes."Can you still do it? I have sex with my wife twice a week. How many canyou do?""Oh, I do it almost every night of the week!" "Almost everynight!!?????""Yup! Monday, almost. Tuesday, almost. Wednesday,............"BleedingAround lunchtime Sheryl left school and headed for home, crying becauseher first period had started and she had no idea what it was.The girl's teacher was reluctant to get involved, so she suggestedSheryl talk to her mom.She was walking home when she ran into little Johnny."Why are you crying? Asked little Johnny."I'm crying because I'm bleeding," she replied."Give me a look," said little Johnny.She lifted her skirt and showed him."Fuc*in' hell!" said little Johnny. "No wonder you're bleeding somebastard's cut off your cock!"=======A policeman cruising past a bar after closing time notices two motor bikes still parked out front. He goes around the back of the pub only to find two bikers, one with his fingers up the ass of the other."So, what's going on here?" the cop asks.The biker replies, "My mate here has had too much to drink and I'm trying to make him vomit."The cop says, "I think you should be sticking your fingers down his THROAT!"The biker replies, "That's what I'm going to do next!"=======Why don't Jewish mothers drink?Alcohol interferes with their suffering.Where does a Jewish husband hide money from his wife?Under the vacuum cleaner.=======A blonde arrived for her first golf lesson and the pro asked her totake a swing at a ball to see how she'd do.The blonde did so and completely duffed the shot.The pro said "Your swing is good but you're gripping the club toohard grip the club gently as you would your husband's penis.".The blonde took another shot and nailed the ball 275 yardsstraight down the fairway.The pro said "That was excellent!! Let's try it again, only thistime take the club out of your mouth."</blockquote>

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