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Message: <blockquote data-quote="melody" data-source="post: 1063692970" data-attributes="member: 14320">A Wealthy SocialiteA wealthy socialite had a night out on the town with her friends. Sheawoke the next morning, totally naked and with a monster of a hang-over.So she rang for the butler and asked for a cup of strong black coffee."Geeves" she said, "I can't remember a thing about last night. How did Iget to bed?""Well Madam, I carried you upstairs and put you to bed" "But my dress?""It seemed a pity to crumple it, so I took it off and hung it up" "Butwhat about my underwear?""I thought the elastic might stop the circulation, so I took the libertyof removing them"."What a night!" she said. "I must have been tight!" "Only the firsttime, Madam."@@@An 8 year old girl ran in the house and asked her mom "am I old enoughto have a baby?".Mom being very surprised at the question quickly answered - NO you aretoo young.The little turned around, ran back out doors and yelled - OK boys backin the tent same game.@@@A few days before his proctological exam, a one eyed man accidentallyswallowed his glass eye.He was worried for a while, but there were no ill effects, so he forgotabout it.Once he was in the doctor's office, the man followed instructions,undressed, and bent over. The first thing the proctologist saw when helooked up the man's ass was that eye staring right back at him. "Youknow, " said the doctor, "you really have to learn to trust me."The Piss List or...Why Pissing Standing Up Ain't All It's Cracked Up To BeMorning Missile.This is only one of the reasons why the morning ritual can be a lessthan pleasant experience. Actually, pissing any time with a hard-on is areally difficult task, not just in the morning.Split directions.You're anxiously waiting to relieve yourself. Then, when it comes out,it shoots out in two different directions! Usually happens after a nightof passionate love making which leaves you so tired you don't showerbefore you go to sleep.Hey! You pissed on my shoe!Usually happens in public rest rooms or at road-side "piss stops".Sleepiness, hangovers or split directions (see above) are usually toblame.Urination spasm.When you get this weird orgasm-like spasm that happens just when youbegin to piss. Sometimes your whole body shakes uncontrollably.Putting the seat up.This is actually a hygiene thing. You don't like to touch any part ofthe toilet before you touch Mr. Johnson. After you're finished you'lltouch anything, even elephant diarrhea.Putting the seat back down.Ladies, this is really a big pain in the butt. Guys - easy solution!Next time you need to piss, don't put up the seat. When the old ladysits down on that wet (and cold) seat, she won't ever complain about youleaving it up again.Stage fright.Once in a while, in a public restroom with a dozen or so guys allwhizzing at the same time, the piss just refuses to come out. How badyou have to go really has nothing to do with it, either. Plus, after afew minutes of you just standing there, doing nothing, the other guysstart giving you those funny looks...Those nasty fumes.Sometimes, when your urine is especially acidic, when it is so hot thatsteam rises from it, when the color is so yellow it looks like Germandark beer, you just wish that you had a pair of nose plugs. And forgetturning your head. You'll just smell the fumes from the guy next to you.Dick trickle.For some reason, right after you finish pissing and put Mr. Johnsonaway, no matter how hard you shake, a little more piss decides totrickle out, leaving a cool, moist area in your underwear, and a growingdark spot on your pants.Usually happens right before a first date or an important businessmeeting.Those damn zippers.You don't know real pain until you've zipped your dick up in yourzipper. And, you know that you won't be able to pull your zipper backdown by yourself, because you know what it felt like going up! On suchoccasions, you need a closefriend with a blindfold, a pair of vice grips, and a handful of valium.A sound-proof room would be nice, too!Leg splash.Usually happens whenever you aren't wearing long pants (shorts, a robeor underwear are optional). Caused by your stream hitting the water andsplashing all over everything around it! The only thing worse is if youraim is really badand you start pissing on the seat, right next to your leg.</blockquote>

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