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<blockquote data-quote="melody" data-source="post: 1063712941" data-attributes="member: 14320"><p><strong><span style="color: Teal">The Neighbor</span></strong></p><p></p><p>A man and his wife were preparing to go out for the evening. She had</p><p>just stepped out of the shower and he was shaving. Suddenly the door</p><p>bell rang. "Would you get that?" the husband said. Even though she was</p><p>naked with wet hair she pulled a bath robe on and proceeded to answer</p><p>the door bell.</p><p></p><p>Upon opening the door she discovered the next door neighbor on their</p><p>doorstep. He gazed at her a moment and suddenly said "I'll give you $500</p><p>to open that robe and let me have a look". She was somewhat taken aback</p><p>but upon reflection thought that it would be an easy way to earn $500</p><p>and, while embarrassing, no one would ever know. So she spread apart her</p><p>robe for him to see.</p><p></p><p>After feasting his eyes on her naked body for several minutes, he</p><p>handed her $500 and left.</p><p></p><p>So, she closed her robe and slammed the door. "Who was it?" her husband</p><p>yelled. " The next door neighbor." she replied. "Did he give you that</p><p>$500 he owes me?" asked her husband.</p><p></p><p></p><p>A beautiful woman went to the gynecologist.</p><p>The doctor took one look at the woman and all his</p><p>Professionalism flew out the window.</p><p>He immediately told her to get undressed.</p><p></p><p>After she disrobed the doctor began to stroke her thigh.</p><p>While doing so he asked her, "Do you know what I am doing?"</p><p></p><p>"Yes," she replied, "You are checking for abrasions</p><p>Or Dermatological abnormalities."</p><p></p><p>"That's right," said the doctor. He then began to</p><p>Fondle her breasts.</p><p></p><p>"Do you know what I am doing now?" he asked.</p><p></p><p>"Yes," she said, "You are checking for lumps</p><p>Which might indicate Breast Cancer."</p><p></p><p>"Correct," replied the shady doctor.</p><p></p><p>Finally, he mounted his patient and started having sexual intercourse</p><p>With her. He asked, "Do you know what I am doing now?"</p><p></p><p>"Yes," she said, "You're getting herpes:</p><p>Which is why I came here in the first place."</p><p></p><p><strong><span style="color: Teal">Sex Quiz For Real Men</span></strong></p><p></p><p>1. In the company of females, intercourse should be referred to as:</p><p>A. Lovemaking.</p><p>B. Screwing.</p><p>C. Taking the pigskin bus to tuna town.</p><p></p><p>2. You should make love to a woman for the first time only after</p><p>you've both shared:</p><p>A. Your views about what you expect from a sexual relationship.</p><p>B. Your blood-test results.</p><p>C. Five tequila slammers.</p><p></p><p>3. You time your orgasm so that:</p><p>A. Your partner climaxes first.</p><p>B. You both climax simultaneously.</p><p>C. You don't miss ESPN Sports Center.</p><p></p><p>4. Passionate, spontaneous sex on the kitchen floor is:</p><p>A. Healthy, creative love-play.</p><p>B. Not the sort of thing your wife/girlfriend would agree to.</p><p>C. Not the sort of thing your wife/girlfriend needs to ever</p><p>find out about.</p><p></p><p>5. Spending the whole night cuddling a woman you've just had</p><p>sex with is:</p><p>A. The best part of the experience.</p><p>B. The second best part of the experience.</p><p>C. $100 extra.</p><p></p><p>6. Your wife/girlfriend says she's gained five pounds in the last</p><p>month. You tell her that it is:</p><p>A. Of no influence on your affectionate feelings for her.</p><p>B. Not a problem, she can join your gym.</p><p>C. A conservative estimate.</p><p></p><p>7. You think today's sensitive, caring man is:</p><p>A. A myth.</p><p>B. An oxymoron.</p><p>C. A moron.</p><p></p><p>8. Foreplay is to sex as:</p><p>A. An appetizer is to entree.</p><p>B. Primer is to paint.</p><p>C. A long line is to an amusement park ride.</p><p></p><p>9. Which of the following are you most likely to find yourself saying</p><p>at the end of a relationship?</p><p>A. "I hope we can still be friends."</p><p>B. "I'm not in right now, please leave a message at the beep."</p><p>C. "Welcome to Dumpsville. Population, YOU."</p><p></p><p>10. A woman who is uncomfortable watching you masturbate:</p><p>A. Probably needs a little more time before she can cope with that sort</p><p>of intimacy.</p><p>B. Is uptight and a waste of time.</p><p>C. Shouldn't have sat next to you on the bus in the first place.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="melody, post: 1063712941, member: 14320"] [B][COLOR="Teal"]The Neighbor[/COLOR][/B] A man and his wife were preparing to go out for the evening. She had just stepped out of the shower and he was shaving. Suddenly the door bell rang. "Would you get that?" the husband said. Even though she was naked with wet hair she pulled a bath robe on and proceeded to answer the door bell. Upon opening the door she discovered the next door neighbor on their doorstep. He gazed at her a moment and suddenly said "I'll give you $500 to open that robe and let me have a look". She was somewhat taken aback but upon reflection thought that it would be an easy way to earn $500 and, while embarrassing, no one would ever know. So she spread apart her robe for him to see. After feasting his eyes on her naked body for several minutes, he handed her $500 and left. So, she closed her robe and slammed the door. "Who was it?" her husband yelled. " The next door neighbor." she replied. "Did he give you that $500 he owes me?" asked her husband. A beautiful woman went to the gynecologist. The doctor took one look at the woman and all his Professionalism flew out the window. He immediately told her to get undressed. After she disrobed the doctor began to stroke her thigh. While doing so he asked her, "Do you know what I am doing?" "Yes," she replied, "You are checking for abrasions Or Dermatological abnormalities." "That's right," said the doctor. He then began to Fondle her breasts. "Do you know what I am doing now?" he asked. "Yes," she said, "You are checking for lumps Which might indicate Breast Cancer." "Correct," replied the shady doctor. Finally, he mounted his patient and started having sexual intercourse With her. He asked, "Do you know what I am doing now?" "Yes," she said, "You're getting herpes: Which is why I came here in the first place." [B][COLOR="Teal"]Sex Quiz For Real Men[/COLOR][/B] 1. In the company of females, intercourse should be referred to as: A. Lovemaking. B. Screwing. C. Taking the pigskin bus to tuna town. 2. You should make love to a woman for the first time only after you've both shared: A. Your views about what you expect from a sexual relationship. B. Your blood-test results. C. Five tequila slammers. 3. You time your orgasm so that: A. Your partner climaxes first. B. You both climax simultaneously. C. You don't miss ESPN Sports Center. 4. Passionate, spontaneous sex on the kitchen floor is: A. Healthy, creative love-play. B. Not the sort of thing your wife/girlfriend would agree to. C. Not the sort of thing your wife/girlfriend needs to ever find out about. 5. Spending the whole night cuddling a woman you've just had sex with is: A. The best part of the experience. B. The second best part of the experience. C. $100 extra. 6. Your wife/girlfriend says she's gained five pounds in the last month. You tell her that it is: A. Of no influence on your affectionate feelings for her. B. Not a problem, she can join your gym. C. A conservative estimate. 7. You think today's sensitive, caring man is: A. A myth. B. An oxymoron. C. A moron. 8. Foreplay is to sex as: A. An appetizer is to entree. B. Primer is to paint. C. A long line is to an amusement park ride. 9. Which of the following are you most likely to find yourself saying at the end of a relationship? A. "I hope we can still be friends." B. "I'm not in right now, please leave a message at the beep." C. "Welcome to Dumpsville. Population, YOU." 10. A woman who is uncomfortable watching you masturbate: A. Probably needs a little more time before she can cope with that sort of intimacy. B. Is uptight and a waste of time. C. Shouldn't have sat next to you on the bus in the first place. [/QUOTE]
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