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JeSt fOr LaUgHs...
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<blockquote data-quote="melody" data-source="post: 1063735018" data-attributes="member: 14320"><p><strong><span style="color: Teal">Giving Confession</span></strong></p><p></p><p>A priest is giving confession but he drank a little too much communion</p><p>wine before hand and had to piss really bad. So when the next guy was</p><p>done with his confession the priest asked him, "Would you mind sitting</p><p>in for me while I piss?"</p><p>The man being a pleasant soul said sure no problem. So the priest</p><p>showed the man a list of sins and the corresponding penances to go</p><p>along with them. So the man was pretty secure that he had things under</p><p>control.</p><p>The man was going along giving away Our Fathers, Hail Mary's, Rosaries</p><p>and everything was going good. Then a lady came in said, "Forgive me</p><p>Father for I have sinned. I gave my boyfriend a blowjob."</p><p>So the man looked on his list for Blowjob but couldn't find it.</p><p>He crossed reference it with Head, Sucked Dick, and Oral Sex but</p><p>couldn't find a penance.</p><p>So he asked an Altar Boy, "Hey, what does the priest give for a</p><p>blowjob?"</p><p>To which the kid replied, "He usually gives us two candy bars and a</p><p>soda pop."</p><p></p><p></p><p>If a blonde who dyes her hair brown is "Artificial Intelligence," what</p><p>would you call a brunette who bleached her hair blonde? </p><p>"Artificial stupidity?"</p><p></p><p>What do you call a blonde with two brain cells?</p><p>Pregnant with twins.</p><p></p><p>Why was the blonde reviewing the ABCs?</p><p>She was studying for a multiple choice test.</p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>A Ballerina goes to the doctor, "Doc I am having terrible trouble with</p><p>the most awful wind. Every time I pirouette I fart," she cries.</p><p></p><p>"Hmmm," says the Doctor, "I'd like to see that if possible." The</p><p>ballerina get up, pirouettes and Phrrrt... farts loudly.</p><p></p><p>"That's amazing, do it again."</p><p></p><p>Again the pirouette is accompanied by a loud fart.</p><p></p><p>"Hmmm," says the Doctor. "I think I may be able to help." He bends down</p><p>and picks up a long pole with a curious hook on the end.</p><p></p><p>The ballerina jumps back in alarm, "What are you going to do with</p><p>that?"</p><p></p><p>"Open the window, it stinks in here for kripes sake."</p><p></p><p><strong><span style="color: Teal">Roses And Violet</span></strong></p><p></p><p>Roses are awful</p><p>Violets are the pits</p><p>Lift up your shirt</p><p>And show us your tits</p><p></p><p>Roses are straight</p><p>Violets are twisted</p><p>Bend over love</p><p>You're about to get fisted</p><p></p><p>Roses are crap</p><p>Violets are wanky</p><p>Oooh I've just come</p><p>Pass me a hanky</p><p></p><p>Roses are stupid</p><p>Violets are silly</p><p>Grease up your flaps</p><p>Cause here comes my willy</p><p></p><p>Roses make me laugh</p><p>Violets make me bitter</p><p>You're a dirty bitch</p><p>And you love it up the shitter</p><p></p><p>Roses are red</p><p>But I like Carnations</p><p>You're so bad in bed</p><p>That I fucked your Alsation</p><p></p><p>Roses are red</p><p>Violets are finer</p><p>Chickens are fowl</p><p>Just like your vagina</p><p></p><p>Roses are red</p><p>That's elementary</p><p>Let's call up a friend</p><p>And try double entry</p><p></p><p>Roses are shit</p><p>Violets are crap</p><p>Show me your clit</p><p>And I'll come in your lap</p><p></p><p>Roses are red</p><p>Skidmarks are brown</p><p>Gimmie a blow job</p><p>And swallow it down</p><p></p><p>Roses are groovy</p><p>Violets are funky</p><p>I'm thinking of you</p><p>And spanking my monkey</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="melody, post: 1063735018, member: 14320"] [B][COLOR="Teal"]Giving Confession[/COLOR][/B] A priest is giving confession but he drank a little too much communion wine before hand and had to piss really bad. So when the next guy was done with his confession the priest asked him, "Would you mind sitting in for me while I piss?" The man being a pleasant soul said sure no problem. So the priest showed the man a list of sins and the corresponding penances to go along with them. So the man was pretty secure that he had things under control. The man was going along giving away Our Fathers, Hail Mary's, Rosaries and everything was going good. Then a lady came in said, "Forgive me Father for I have sinned. I gave my boyfriend a blowjob." So the man looked on his list for Blowjob but couldn't find it. He crossed reference it with Head, Sucked Dick, and Oral Sex but couldn't find a penance. So he asked an Altar Boy, "Hey, what does the priest give for a blowjob?" To which the kid replied, "He usually gives us two candy bars and a soda pop." If a blonde who dyes her hair brown is "Artificial Intelligence," what would you call a brunette who bleached her hair blonde? "Artificial stupidity?" What do you call a blonde with two brain cells? Pregnant with twins. Why was the blonde reviewing the ABCs? She was studying for a multiple choice test. A Ballerina goes to the doctor, "Doc I am having terrible trouble with the most awful wind. Every time I pirouette I fart," she cries. "Hmmm," says the Doctor, "I'd like to see that if possible." The ballerina get up, pirouettes and Phrrrt... farts loudly. "That's amazing, do it again." Again the pirouette is accompanied by a loud fart. "Hmmm," says the Doctor. "I think I may be able to help." He bends down and picks up a long pole with a curious hook on the end. The ballerina jumps back in alarm, "What are you going to do with that?" "Open the window, it stinks in here for kripes sake." [B][COLOR="Teal"]Roses And Violet[/COLOR][/B] Roses are awful Violets are the pits Lift up your shirt And show us your tits Roses are straight Violets are twisted Bend over love You're about to get fisted Roses are crap Violets are wanky Oooh I've just come Pass me a hanky Roses are stupid Violets are silly Grease up your flaps Cause here comes my willy Roses make me laugh Violets make me bitter You're a dirty bitch And you love it up the shitter Roses are red But I like Carnations You're so bad in bed That I fucked your Alsation Roses are red Violets are finer Chickens are fowl Just like your vagina Roses are red That's elementary Let's call up a friend And try double entry Roses are shit Violets are crap Show me your clit And I'll come in your lap Roses are red Skidmarks are brown Gimmie a blow job And swallow it down Roses are groovy Violets are funky I'm thinking of you And spanking my monkey [/QUOTE]
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