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<blockquote data-quote="melody" data-source="post: 1063756319" data-attributes="member: 14320"><p><strong><span style="color: Teal">Naughty Little Johnny Jokes</span></strong></p><p></p><p>'Mummy, Mummy. I was at the playground and Daddy and...' Mummy tells him to slow down. She wants to hear the stop, so Little Johnny tells her.</p><p></p><p>'I was at the playground and I saw Daddy's car go into the woods with Aunt Jane.</p><p></p><p>`I went back to look and he was giving Aunt Jane a big kiss, then he helped her take off her shirt, then Aunt Jane helped Daddy take his pants off, then Aunt Jane laid down on the seat, then Daddy'</p><p></p><p>At this point Mummy cut him off and says, Johnny, this is such an interesting story, suppose you save the rest of it for suppertime. I want to see the look on Daddy's face when you tell it tonight.'</p><p></p><p>At the dinner table, Mummy asks Little Johnny to tell his story. Johnny starts his story, describing the car going into the woods, the undressing, laying down on the seat and '... then Daddy and Aunt Jane did that same thing Mummy and Uncle Bill used to do when Daddy was in the Navy.'</p><p></p><p><strong><span style="color: Red">@@@ </span></strong></p><p></p><p>One night little Johnny got up to get a drink of water.... while walking past his parents he was forced to stop and scream daddy daddy what are you doing to mommy.</p><p></p><p>The dad simply replied mmmm… just making your brother Johnny …..go back to bed.</p><p></p><p>The next day when the dad got home from work he found Johnny crying on the stoop ....he asked Johnny what was wrong and Johnny replied oh daddy this morning I saw the mailman trying to eat my new brother</p><p></p><p>6 year old Marilyn and 4 year old Little Johnny were upstairs playing in their play room. Marilyn said "I think it's about time we start swearing. Don't you?"</p><p></p><p>Little Johnny nodded in agreement.</p><p></p><p>Marilyn said "Ok, I say 'ass' and you say 'hell.'"</p><p></p><p>Little Johnny again nodded his head in agreement and they went downstairs for breakfast. Their mom asked Marilyn what she wants to eat.</p><p></p><p>Marilyn replied "Well hell mom, I'll have some Cheerios."</p><p></p><p>Her mom spanked her and sent her to her room. She then asked Little Johnny what he wanted for breakfast.</p><p></p><p>Little Johnny said "I don't know, but you bet your ass it won't be Cheerios!"</p><p></p><p><strong><span style="color: Red">@@@</span></strong> </p><p></p><p>The Teacher asked, "All right children, who can tell me what a chicken gives?"</p><p></p><p>Mary answered, "A chicken gives eggs!"</p><p></p><p>The Teacher then asked, "Now who can tell me what a goat gives?"</p><p></p><p>And Paul answered, "A goat gives goat milk!" And finally the Teacher asked, "Well now, who can tell me what the cow gives?"</p><p></p><p>And Little Johnny replied, "Fucking homework and tests!"</p><p></p><p><strong><span style="color: Red">@@@ </span></strong></p><p></p><p>Little Johnny said to his aunt Tess, "My God, you're ugly, aren't you!"</p><p></p><p>His mother overheard this and pulled Johnny into the kitchen.</p><p>"You naughty boy!" she screamed, "How can you say to your aunt that she's ugly! You go right in and apologize to her! Tell her you're sorry!"</p><p></p><p>Little Johnny entered the living room, walked over to his aunt and said, "Aunt Tess, I am sorry you're so ugly." </p><p></p><p><strong><span style="color: Teal">A Group Of Prisoners</span></strong></p><p></p><p>A group of prisoners are in their rehabilitation meeting. Their task for today is to each stand up in turn, speak their name and admit to their fellow inmates what crime they committed. The first prisoner stands and says “My name is Daniel and I’m in for murder.” Everyone gives him approving looks and pats on the back for admitting his wrongdoing.</p><p>The next guy stands up and says “My name is Mike and I’m in for armed robbery.” Again, there is a round of approving looks. This goes around the circle until it gets to the last guy. He stands up and says “My name is Luke, but I’m not telling you what I’m in for.” The group leader says “Now, come on Luke, you have to admit it to us to make any progress. Tell us what you did.”</p><p>“Alright then… I’m in for fucking dogs.” Everyone is disgusted! They shout “What!!?? How low can you get!” To which Luke replies, “Well… I did manage do to a Dachshund one time, but I had to lift her back legs up a little.”</p><p></p><p><strong><span style="color: Red">======</span></strong></p><p></p><p>Two guys where walking down the street when they saw two dogs humping. One said, “I wonder how much liquor it would take to get my wife to do it that way?” So they made a bet of $10 on whose wife would do it on the lease amount of liquor.</p><p>After a week, they met in a bar. “Well”, said the first guy, “How much liquor did it take?” “A pint of whiskey”, replied the other guy. The first guy said “You win, it took me a whole bottle just to get my wife out in the yard.”</p><p></p><p><strong><span style="color: Red">======</span></strong></p><p></p><p>A blonde is speaking to her psychiatrist.</p><p></p><p>Blonde, "I'm on the road a lot, and my clients are complaining</p><p>that they can never reach me."</p><p></p><p>Psychiatrist, "Don't you have a phone in your car?"</p><p></p><p>Blonde, "That was a little too expensive, so I did the next</p><p>best thing. I put a mailbox in my car."</p><p></p><p>Psychiatrist, "Uh ... How's that working?"</p><p></p><p>Blonde, "Actually, I haven't gotten any letters yet."</p><p></p><p>Psychiatrist, "And why do you think that is?"</p><p></p><p>Blonde, "I figure its because when I'm driving around, my zip</p><p>code keeps changing."</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="melody, post: 1063756319, member: 14320"] [B][COLOR="Teal"]Naughty Little Johnny Jokes[/COLOR][/B] 'Mummy, Mummy. I was at the playground and Daddy and...' Mummy tells him to slow down. She wants to hear the stop, so Little Johnny tells her. 'I was at the playground and I saw Daddy's car go into the woods with Aunt Jane. `I went back to look and he was giving Aunt Jane a big kiss, then he helped her take off her shirt, then Aunt Jane helped Daddy take his pants off, then Aunt Jane laid down on the seat, then Daddy' At this point Mummy cut him off and says, Johnny, this is such an interesting story, suppose you save the rest of it for suppertime. I want to see the look on Daddy's face when you tell it tonight.' At the dinner table, Mummy asks Little Johnny to tell his story. Johnny starts his story, describing the car going into the woods, the undressing, laying down on the seat and '... then Daddy and Aunt Jane did that same thing Mummy and Uncle Bill used to do when Daddy was in the Navy.' [B][COLOR="Red"]@@@ [/COLOR][/B] One night little Johnny got up to get a drink of water.... while walking past his parents he was forced to stop and scream daddy daddy what are you doing to mommy. The dad simply replied mmmm… just making your brother Johnny …..go back to bed. The next day when the dad got home from work he found Johnny crying on the stoop ....he asked Johnny what was wrong and Johnny replied oh daddy this morning I saw the mailman trying to eat my new brother 6 year old Marilyn and 4 year old Little Johnny were upstairs playing in their play room. Marilyn said "I think it's about time we start swearing. Don't you?" Little Johnny nodded in agreement. Marilyn said "Ok, I say 'ass' and you say 'hell.'" Little Johnny again nodded his head in agreement and they went downstairs for breakfast. Their mom asked Marilyn what she wants to eat. Marilyn replied "Well hell mom, I'll have some Cheerios." Her mom spanked her and sent her to her room. She then asked Little Johnny what he wanted for breakfast. Little Johnny said "I don't know, but you bet your ass it won't be Cheerios!" [B][COLOR="Red"]@@@[/COLOR][/B] The Teacher asked, "All right children, who can tell me what a chicken gives?" Mary answered, "A chicken gives eggs!" The Teacher then asked, "Now who can tell me what a goat gives?" And Paul answered, "A goat gives goat milk!" And finally the Teacher asked, "Well now, who can tell me what the cow gives?" And Little Johnny replied, "Fucking homework and tests!" [B][COLOR="Red"]@@@ [/COLOR][/B] Little Johnny said to his aunt Tess, "My God, you're ugly, aren't you!" His mother overheard this and pulled Johnny into the kitchen. "You naughty boy!" she screamed, "How can you say to your aunt that she's ugly! You go right in and apologize to her! Tell her you're sorry!" Little Johnny entered the living room, walked over to his aunt and said, "Aunt Tess, I am sorry you're so ugly." [B][COLOR="Teal"]A Group Of Prisoners[/COLOR][/B] A group of prisoners are in their rehabilitation meeting. Their task for today is to each stand up in turn, speak their name and admit to their fellow inmates what crime they committed. The first prisoner stands and says “My name is Daniel and I’m in for murder.” Everyone gives him approving looks and pats on the back for admitting his wrongdoing. The next guy stands up and says “My name is Mike and I’m in for armed robbery.” Again, there is a round of approving looks. This goes around the circle until it gets to the last guy. He stands up and says “My name is Luke, but I’m not telling you what I’m in for.” The group leader says “Now, come on Luke, you have to admit it to us to make any progress. Tell us what you did.” “Alright then… I’m in for fucking dogs.” Everyone is disgusted! They shout “What!!?? How low can you get!” To which Luke replies, “Well… I did manage do to a Dachshund one time, but I had to lift her back legs up a little.” [B][COLOR="Red"]======[/COLOR][/B] Two guys where walking down the street when they saw two dogs humping. One said, “I wonder how much liquor it would take to get my wife to do it that way?” So they made a bet of $10 on whose wife would do it on the lease amount of liquor. After a week, they met in a bar. “Well”, said the first guy, “How much liquor did it take?” “A pint of whiskey”, replied the other guy. The first guy said “You win, it took me a whole bottle just to get my wife out in the yard.” [B][COLOR="Red"]======[/COLOR][/B] A blonde is speaking to her psychiatrist. Blonde, "I'm on the road a lot, and my clients are complaining that they can never reach me." Psychiatrist, "Don't you have a phone in your car?" Blonde, "That was a little too expensive, so I did the next best thing. I put a mailbox in my car." Psychiatrist, "Uh ... How's that working?" Blonde, "Actually, I haven't gotten any letters yet." Psychiatrist, "And why do you think that is?" Blonde, "I figure its because when I'm driving around, my zip code keeps changing." [/QUOTE]
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