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<blockquote data-quote="melody" data-source="post: 1063770907" data-attributes="member: 14320"><p><strong><span style="color: Teal">REASONS FOR DIVORCE</span></strong></p><p></p><p>A man in Hazard, Kentucky, divorced his wife</p><p>because she "beat him whenever he removed onions from his hamburger</p><p>without asking for permission."</p><p></p><p>A man in Tarritville, Connecticut, filed for divorce because his</p><p>wife left him a note on the refrigerator that read: "I have gone to</p><p>the bridge club. There'll be a recipe for your dinner at</p><p>7 o'clock on Channel 2."</p><p></p><p>A deaf man in Bennettsville, South Carolina filed for divorce</p><p>because his wife "was always nagging him in sign language."</p><p></p><p>A woman in Canon City, Colorado, divorced her husband because he</p><p>forced her to "duck under the dashboard whenever they drove past his</p><p>girlfriend's house."</p><p></p><p>A woman in Hardwick, Georgia, divorced her husband on the grounds</p><p>that he "stayed home too much and was much too affectionate</p><p></p><p><strong><span style="color: Red">aaaaa</span></strong></p><p></p><p>An overweight man was waiting in line at a bank. There were two</p><p>teenage boys in line behind him.</p><p></p><p>They were giggling and making fun of how fat the man was. After</p><p>five minutes of this the man turned to the boys and asked them</p><p>politely to stop, as he couldn't help his weight problem.</p><p></p><p>With this the boys asked, "Oh, and why are you so fat Mister?"</p><p></p><p>The Man turned around and replied: "Well, every time I screwed your</p><p>mother, she gave me a cookie."</p><p></p><p><strong><span style="color: Red">aaaaa</span></strong></p><p></p><p>There was a young fellow named Goody</p><p>Who claimed that he wouldn't, but would he?</p><p>If he found himself nude</p><p>With a gal in the mood</p><p>The question's not woody but could he?</p><p></p><p><strong><span style="color: Teal">Bad Day</span></strong></p><p></p><p>It was getting a little crowded in Heaven, so God decided</p><p>to change the admittance policy. The new law was that, in</p><p>order to get into Heaven, you had to have a real bummer of</p><p>a day when you died. The policy would go into effect at</p><p>noon the next day.</p><p></p><p>The next day at 12:01, the first person came to the gates</p><p>of Heaven.</p><p></p><p>The Angel at the gate, remembering the new policy, promptly</p><p>said to the man, "Before I let you in, I need you to tell me</p><p>how your day was going when you died."</p><p></p><p>"No problem," the man said. "I came home to my 25th floor</p><p>apartment on my lunch hour and caught my wife half naked.</p><p>She appeared to be having an affair, but her lover was</p><p>nowhere in sight. I immediately began searching for him.</p><p>My wife was yelling at me as I searched the entire apartment.</p><p></p><p>Just as I was about to give up, I happened to glance out</p><p>onto the balcony and noticed that there was a man hanging</p><p>off the edge by his fingertips! The nerve of that guy! Well,</p><p>I ran out onto the balcony and stomped on his fingers until</p><p>he fell to the ground. But wouldn't you know it, he landed</p><p>in some trees and bushes that broke his fall and he didn't</p><p>die. This ticked me off even more. In a rage, I went back</p><p>inside to get the first thing I could get my hands on to</p><p>throw at him. Oddly enough, the first thing I thought of</p><p>was the refrigerator. I unplugged it, pushed it out onto</p><p>the balcony, and tipped it over the side. It plummeted</p><p>stories and crushed him! The excitement of the moment was</p><p>so great that I had a heart attack and died almost instantly."</p><p></p><p>The Angel sat back and thought a moment.</p><p></p><p>Technically, the guy did have a bad day. It was a crime of passion.</p><p>So, the Angel announced, "OK, sir. Welcome to the Kingdom of Heaven,"</p><p>and let him in.</p><p></p><p>A few seconds later the next guy came up. The Angel said,</p><p>"Before I can let you in, I need to hear about what your</p><p>day was like when you died."</p><p></p><p>"No problem," said the second man. "But you're not going</p><p>to believe this. I was on the balcony of my 26th floor</p><p>apartment doing my daily exercises. I had been under a lot</p><p>of pressure so I was really pushing hard to relieve my</p><p>stress. I guess I got a little carried away, slipped, and</p><p>accidentally fell over the side! Luckily, I was able to</p><p>catch myself by the fingertips on the balcony below mine.</p><p></p><p>But all of a sudden this crazy man comes running out of</p><p>his apartment, starts cussing, and stomps on my fingers.</p><p>Well, of course I fell. I hit some trees and bushes at</p><p>the bottom which broke my fall so I didn't die right away.</p><p>As I'm laying there face up on the ground, unable to move,</p><p>and in excruciating pain, I see this guy push his</p><p>REFRIGERATOR, of all things, off the balcony. It falls</p><p>the 25 floors and lands on top of me, killing me instantly."</p><p></p><p>The Angel is quietly laughing to himself as the man finishes</p><p>his story. "I could get used to this new policy," he thinks</p><p>to himself.</p><p></p><p>"Very well," the Angel announces. "Welcome to the Kingdom</p><p>of Heaven," and he lets the man enter.</p><p></p><p>A few seconds later, a third man comes up to the gate. The</p><p>angel says, "Please tell me how you died."</p><p></p><p>The third man says,"OK, picture this. I'm naked, hiding</p><p>inside a refrigerator...."</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="melody, post: 1063770907, member: 14320"] [B][COLOR="Teal"]REASONS FOR DIVORCE[/COLOR][/B] A man in Hazard, Kentucky, divorced his wife because she "beat him whenever he removed onions from his hamburger without asking for permission." A man in Tarritville, Connecticut, filed for divorce because his wife left him a note on the refrigerator that read: "I have gone to the bridge club. There'll be a recipe for your dinner at 7 o'clock on Channel 2." A deaf man in Bennettsville, South Carolina filed for divorce because his wife "was always nagging him in sign language." A woman in Canon City, Colorado, divorced her husband because he forced her to "duck under the dashboard whenever they drove past his girlfriend's house." A woman in Hardwick, Georgia, divorced her husband on the grounds that he "stayed home too much and was much too affectionate [B][COLOR="Red"]aaaaa[/COLOR][/B] An overweight man was waiting in line at a bank. There were two teenage boys in line behind him. They were giggling and making fun of how fat the man was. After five minutes of this the man turned to the boys and asked them politely to stop, as he couldn't help his weight problem. With this the boys asked, "Oh, and why are you so fat Mister?" The Man turned around and replied: "Well, every time I screwed your mother, she gave me a cookie." [B][COLOR="Red"]aaaaa[/COLOR][/B] There was a young fellow named Goody Who claimed that he wouldn't, but would he? If he found himself nude With a gal in the mood The question's not woody but could he? [B][COLOR="Teal"]Bad Day[/COLOR][/B] It was getting a little crowded in Heaven, so God decided to change the admittance policy. The new law was that, in order to get into Heaven, you had to have a real bummer of a day when you died. The policy would go into effect at noon the next day. The next day at 12:01, the first person came to the gates of Heaven. The Angel at the gate, remembering the new policy, promptly said to the man, "Before I let you in, I need you to tell me how your day was going when you died." "No problem," the man said. "I came home to my 25th floor apartment on my lunch hour and caught my wife half naked. She appeared to be having an affair, but her lover was nowhere in sight. I immediately began searching for him. My wife was yelling at me as I searched the entire apartment. Just as I was about to give up, I happened to glance out onto the balcony and noticed that there was a man hanging off the edge by his fingertips! The nerve of that guy! Well, I ran out onto the balcony and stomped on his fingers until he fell to the ground. But wouldn't you know it, he landed in some trees and bushes that broke his fall and he didn't die. This ticked me off even more. In a rage, I went back inside to get the first thing I could get my hands on to throw at him. Oddly enough, the first thing I thought of was the refrigerator. I unplugged it, pushed it out onto the balcony, and tipped it over the side. It plummeted stories and crushed him! The excitement of the moment was so great that I had a heart attack and died almost instantly." The Angel sat back and thought a moment. Technically, the guy did have a bad day. It was a crime of passion. So, the Angel announced, "OK, sir. Welcome to the Kingdom of Heaven," and let him in. A few seconds later the next guy came up. The Angel said, "Before I can let you in, I need to hear about what your day was like when you died." "No problem," said the second man. "But you're not going to believe this. I was on the balcony of my 26th floor apartment doing my daily exercises. I had been under a lot of pressure so I was really pushing hard to relieve my stress. I guess I got a little carried away, slipped, and accidentally fell over the side! Luckily, I was able to catch myself by the fingertips on the balcony below mine. But all of a sudden this crazy man comes running out of his apartment, starts cussing, and stomps on my fingers. Well, of course I fell. I hit some trees and bushes at the bottom which broke my fall so I didn't die right away. As I'm laying there face up on the ground, unable to move, and in excruciating pain, I see this guy push his REFRIGERATOR, of all things, off the balcony. It falls the 25 floors and lands on top of me, killing me instantly." The Angel is quietly laughing to himself as the man finishes his story. "I could get used to this new policy," he thinks to himself. "Very well," the Angel announces. "Welcome to the Kingdom of Heaven," and he lets the man enter. A few seconds later, a third man comes up to the gate. The angel says, "Please tell me how you died." The third man says,"OK, picture this. I'm naked, hiding inside a refrigerator...." [/QUOTE]
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