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Message: <blockquote data-quote="melody" data-source="post: 1063802077" data-attributes="member: 14320">Rules That Guys Wish Women Knew1. If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us.2. Learn to work the toilet seat. If it's up, put it down.3. Don't cut your hair. Ever.4. Sometimes, we're not thinking about you. Live with it.5. Get rid of your cat.6. Sunday = Sports7. Anything you wear is fine. Really.8. Women wearing wonder bras and low-cut blouses lose their right to complain about having their boobs stared at.9. You have too many shoes.10 Crying is blackmail.11. Ask for what you want. Subtle hints don't work.12. Mark anniversaries on a calendar.13. Yes, pissing standing up is more difficult than peeing from point blank range. We're bound to miss sometimes.14. Yes, and No are perfectly acceptable answers.15. A headache for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.16. Don't fake it. We'd rather be ineffective than deceived.17. Anything we said 6 or 8 months ago is inadmissible in an argument.18. If you don't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls, don't expect us to act like soap opera guys.19. If something we said can be interpreted two ways, and one of the ways makes you sad and angry, we meant the other one.20. Let us ogle. If we don't look at other women, how can we know how pretty you are?21. Don't rub the lamp if you don't want the genie to come out.22. You can either ask us to do something OR tell us how you want it done - Not both.23. Christopher Columbus didn't need directions, and neither do we.24. You have enough clothes.25. Nothing says, "I love you," like sex.yyyyyQ: What do a bleached blonde and a 747 have in common?A: They both have little Black Boxes.Q: Why don't blondes water ski?A: Because they lie down as soon as their crotches get wet.Q: What's the difference between a blonde and a mosquito?A: If you slap a mosquito, it'll stop sucking.Q: What do you call a bleached blonde standing on her head?A: A brunette with bad breath!Q: Why can't you tell blondes knock knock jokes?A: Because they go and answer the fucking door.Male BashingQ: Why did God create man?A: She didn't. Her husband did.Q: What's a man's idea of a romantic evening?A: A candlelit football stadium.Q: What do electric toy trains and breasts have in common?A: They're usually intended for the children, but it's the husbands who end up playing with them!Q: What do you have when you've got 2 little balls in your hand?A: A man's undivided attention.Q: Why are men's pee yellow and sperm white?A: So they can tell if they are coming or going.Q: Why do men have a hole in the end of their penis?A: So they can get some air to their brains.Q: Why were men given larger brains than dogs?A: So they wouldn't hump women's legs at cocktail parties.Q: How are men like laxatives?A: They irritate the shit out of you.Q: Why did God make man before woman?A: You need a rough draft before you have a final copy.Q: What do men and sperm have in common?A: They both have a one-in-a-million chance of becoming a human being.Q: Why don't women blink during foreplay? A: They don't have time.Q: Why do women keep their eyes closed when they're being screwed?A: Because they can't stand to see a man have a good time!Q: Why does it take 1 million sperm to fertilize one egg?A: They won't stop to ask directions!Q: How many honest, intelligent, caring men in the world does it take to do the dishes?A: Both of them.Q: What's the difference between a man and a lawnmower?A: Lawnmowers don't complain after they cut the yard.Q: How do you keep a man from attacking you?A: Throw him the remote control.Q: What would get your man to put down the toilet seat?A: A sex-change operation.Q: Why did the man cross the road?A: He heard the chicken was a slut.Q: Why do men talk so dirty?A: So they can wash their mouth out with beer.Q: Why do men do odd jobs around the house?A: If they do it, it's odd!Q: Why did God make women so stupid?A: Someone had to like men!Q: Why did God put men on Earth?A: Because a vibrator can't mow the lawn!Q: What does PMS stand for?A: Putting (up with) Men's Stupidity.Q: What can a bird do that a man can't?A: Whistle through its pecker!Q: Why don't women have men's brains?A: Because they don't have penises to keep them in!Q: Why do women fake orgasm?A: Because men fake foreplay!Q: Why do men snore when they lay on their backs?A: Because their balls fall over their asshole and they vapor-lock.Q: What did God say when he made man?A: I can do better than that!Q: Why do men like masturbation?A: It's sex with someone they love.Q: How do some men define Roe vs. Wade?A: Two ways to cross a river.Q: How many men does it take to put the seat down?A: Nobody knows. It hasn't happened yet.Q: Have you heard of the Lorena Bobbit computer virus? It turns your Hard drive into a 3 1/2" floppy!Husband: I don't know why you wear a bra, you've got nothing to put in it.Wife: You wear briefs, don't you?</blockquote>

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