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Message: <blockquote data-quote="melody" data-source="post: 1063811657" data-attributes="member: 14320">The Bus RideA guy down on his luck, was reduced to catching the bus.One day a beautiful young nun boarded the bus and sat down in front of him. She was such a babe he kept leaning forward to perv on her. Finally, he could control himself no longer. Leaning forward, he whispered quietly in her ear, "I'd like to fuck you up the arse."With a gasp of shock the nun jumped to her feet, rang the bell and got off the bus.A couple of stops later, the bloke was getting off when the driver said, "Hey, what did you say to that nun?""Well, to be honest," said the guy, "she looked so damn good I said I'd like to fuck her up the arse.""Shit, no wonder she got off. She's very religious and you shoulda asked her in a more devout way. As a matter of fact, she goes through the park down the road every night at about 7.30. Why don't you go there and try a different approach.The guy had long hair and a beard, so he got himself a robe and waited in the park for her to come by.Sure enough, around 7.30, the nun appeared on her way to the convent. Leaping out of the bushes, the guy shouted, "Hey nun, I'm Jesus, come to fuck you up the arse!""No worries, Jesus," said the nun and she bent over and hoisted up her habit.After the guy had done the deed, remorse set in and he said rather sheepishly, "I'm not really Jesus.""That's okay," came the reply. "I'm not really the nun. I'm the bus driver."=======A bloke wakes up in the middle of the night and rolls over and shoves an aspirin down his wife's throat. All of a sudden she wakes up and yells, "What the fuck are you doing?""Just giving you an aspirin for your headache." The bloke answered."But I ain't got a headache," she yelled back."Good then, Lets fuck!" said the bloke.=========Phil was at the bar one night, and complained about having a headache."I've got a beaut cure for a headache," said his mate Trev. "Whenever I have a headacheI head home and I get my wife to give me a long, slow, wet blowjob. Never fails."A week went by and they were in the bar again, talking. "Did you try my headache cure," asked Trev. "Yeah said Phil, worked great! Your house is nice, too!" Tequilas A guy walks into a bar and orders 12 tequilas.The bartender asked, "what's wrong," and the guy says that he just found out that his younger son is gay.The bartender says, "he's sorry about it."After a couple of days the guy comes back and orders 15 tequilas. The bartender asked, "What's wrong now," to which the guy responds That he found out that his older son was gay, too.The bartender says that he's sorry. The guy returned a few days later and ordered 20 tequilas.The bartender burst out, "Isn't anyone in your family getting' any pussy?!" The guy gets really pissed and says, "Yeah, my wife!!!!!"A husband and wife want to take golf lessons from a pro at a local country club. The man and woman meet the pro and head onto the driving range.The man goes up to hit first. He swings and hits the ball 100 yards.The golf pro says not bad.Golf pro: "Now hold the club as firm as you hold your wife's breasts".The man follows instructions and hits the ball 300 yards.The golf pro says "Excellent!" Now the woman takes her turn. Her ball goes 30 yards.Golf pro: "Not bad, try holding the club like you hold your husbands dick." She swings and the ball goes 10 yards.Golf pro: "Not bad, but now try taking the club out of your mouth and hit the ball."Woman rushes into her house one morning and yells to her husband,"Sam, pack up your stuff. I just won the lottery!""Shall I pack for warm weather or cold?""Whatever. Just so you're out of the house by noon!"</blockquote>

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