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JeSt fOr LaUgHs...
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<blockquote data-quote="melody" data-source="post: 1063829091" data-attributes="member: 14320"><p><strong><span style="color: Teal">Ten Signs He Wants To Get Laid</span></strong></p><p></p><p>1. Watching a nature show where animals fornicate, he keeps winking and</p><p>doing the eyebrow thing.</p><p></p><p>2. When you ask him what kind of car he likes to drive, he solemnly</p><p>replies, "The skin bus to tuna town," and then laughs until he cries.</p><p></p><p>3. You note that integrity is so important in a man, he notes that what</p><p>he looks for in a "chick" is "you know."</p><p></p><p>4. He whispers,"you' re beautiful," to your thighs, then glances up at</p><p>your face and says, "oh you, too."</p><p></p><p>5. When you comment on the rarity of men these days who seek mature</p><p>relationships, he giggles quite a bit.</p><p></p><p>6. In conversation with others, he refers to you as his "quality tail."</p><p></p><p>7. Washing dishes after you've cooked him dinner for the first time,</p><p>you reach behind you to take the paper towels off the paper-towel rod</p><p>and then realize that you don't own a paper-towel rod.</p><p></p><p>8. When you're insulted by his "motel" suggestion at the end of your</p><p>first date, he looks impressed and says, "hotel."</p><p></p><p>9. When you proudly recount your glorious high school valedictory</p><p>speech to him, he praises "your multi-talented mouth."</p><p></p><p>10. When you tell him what you do for a living, he stares at your</p><p>breasts and loudly asks, "What do they do?"</p><p></p><p></p><p>There were two gay guys living together.</p><p></p><p>One was more feminine and the other more masculine. The masculine one</p><p>lacked chest hair and it seemed to become a real problem for him. So,</p><p>one day he decided to visit the doctor to see why he had no chest hair and</p><p>if there was something he could do about it.</p><p></p><p>Well, the doctor said there was nothing wrong with the guy, and really</p><p>the only thing he could try to stimulate hair growth was to smother Vaseline</p><p>all over his chest daily and perhaps the skin would become stimulated enough</p><p>to produce hair.</p><p></p><p>The masculine homosexual was elated. He went immediately home and</p><p>smothered his chest in V-gel. When his partner came home and jumped into bed with him, he felt the Vaseline and asked, "What in the hell are you doing?"</p><p></p><p>The masculine one explained what the doctor said and waited for comment</p><p>from his partner.</p><p></p><p>Finally, his partner said, "Don't you think if that was true that you</p><p>would have a pony tail coming out of your ass by now?"</p><p></p><p><strong><span style="color: Teal">Bar Room Chat Translations</span></strong></p><p></p><p>"You get this one, next round is on me." (We won't be here long enough to get another round.)</p><p></p><p>"I'll get this one, next one is on you." (Happy hour is about to end...now drafts are a dollar, but by the next round they'll be 4.50 a pop.)</p><p></p><p>"Hey, where is that friend of yours?" (I have no interest in talking to you except as a way to get your attractive friend into a compromising position.)</p><p></p><p>"Can I get a glass of white zinfandel." [female] (I'm easy.)</p><p></p><p>"Can I get a glass of white zinfandel." [male] (I'm gay.)</p><p></p><p>"Ever try a body shot?" [male to female] (I am even willing to drink tequila if it means that I get to lick you.)</p><p></p><p>"Ever try a body shot?" [female to male] (If this is how wild I am in the bar, imagine what I'll do to you on the ride home?)</p><p></p><p>"I don't feel well, let's go home." [female] (You are paying more attention to your friends than me.)</p><p></p><p>"I don't feel well, let's go home." [male] (I'm horny.)</p><p></p><p>"Who's got the next round?" (I haven't bought a round in almost 3 years, but I am an expert at diverting attention.)</p><p></p><p>"What do you have on tap?" (What's cheap?)</p><p></p><p>"Can I have a white Russian?" [male] (I'm really gay.)</p><p></p><p>"Can I have a white Russian?" [female] (I'm really easy.)</p><p></p><p>"That person looks really familiar." (Did I sleep with him/her?)</p><p></p><p>"Can I just get a glass of water?" [female] (I'm annoying, but cute enough to get away with this.)</p><p></p><p>"Can I just get a glass of water?" [male] (I'm annoying, and cheap to boot.)</p><p></p><p>"I don't have my ID on me." [female] (I'm 19.)</p><p></p><p>"I don't have my ID on me." [male] (I don't have a license since I got pulled over and blew a 0.4 after my last visit here.)</p><p></p><p>"Excuse Me." [male to male] (Get the fuck out of the way.)</p><p></p><p>"Excuse Me." [male to female] (I am going to grope you now.)</p><p></p><p>"Excuse Me." [female to male] (Don't even think about groping me, just get the fuck out of the way.)</p><p></p><p>"Excuse Me." [female to female] (Move your fat ass. Who do you think you are anyway? You are not all that, missy, and don't think for one minute that you are. Coming in here dressing like a ho...Get your eyes off of my man, or I'll slap you, bitch, like the slut you are.)</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="melody, post: 1063829091, member: 14320"] [B][COLOR="Teal"]Ten Signs He Wants To Get Laid[/COLOR][/B] 1. Watching a nature show where animals fornicate, he keeps winking and doing the eyebrow thing. 2. When you ask him what kind of car he likes to drive, he solemnly replies, "The skin bus to tuna town," and then laughs until he cries. 3. You note that integrity is so important in a man, he notes that what he looks for in a "chick" is "you know." 4. He whispers,"you' re beautiful," to your thighs, then glances up at your face and says, "oh you, too." 5. When you comment on the rarity of men these days who seek mature relationships, he giggles quite a bit. 6. In conversation with others, he refers to you as his "quality tail." 7. Washing dishes after you've cooked him dinner for the first time, you reach behind you to take the paper towels off the paper-towel rod and then realize that you don't own a paper-towel rod. 8. When you're insulted by his "motel" suggestion at the end of your first date, he looks impressed and says, "hotel." 9. When you proudly recount your glorious high school valedictory speech to him, he praises "your multi-talented mouth." 10. When you tell him what you do for a living, he stares at your breasts and loudly asks, "What do they do?" There were two gay guys living together. One was more feminine and the other more masculine. The masculine one lacked chest hair and it seemed to become a real problem for him. So, one day he decided to visit the doctor to see why he had no chest hair and if there was something he could do about it. Well, the doctor said there was nothing wrong with the guy, and really the only thing he could try to stimulate hair growth was to smother Vaseline all over his chest daily and perhaps the skin would become stimulated enough to produce hair. The masculine homosexual was elated. He went immediately home and smothered his chest in V-gel. When his partner came home and jumped into bed with him, he felt the Vaseline and asked, "What in the hell are you doing?" The masculine one explained what the doctor said and waited for comment from his partner. Finally, his partner said, "Don't you think if that was true that you would have a pony tail coming out of your ass by now?" [B][COLOR="Teal"]Bar Room Chat Translations[/COLOR][/B] "You get this one, next round is on me." (We won't be here long enough to get another round.) "I'll get this one, next one is on you." (Happy hour is about to end...now drafts are a dollar, but by the next round they'll be 4.50 a pop.) "Hey, where is that friend of yours?" (I have no interest in talking to you except as a way to get your attractive friend into a compromising position.) "Can I get a glass of white zinfandel." [female] (I'm easy.) "Can I get a glass of white zinfandel." [male] (I'm gay.) "Ever try a body shot?" [male to female] (I am even willing to drink tequila if it means that I get to lick you.) "Ever try a body shot?" [female to male] (If this is how wild I am in the bar, imagine what I'll do to you on the ride home?) "I don't feel well, let's go home." [female] (You are paying more attention to your friends than me.) "I don't feel well, let's go home." [male] (I'm horny.) "Who's got the next round?" (I haven't bought a round in almost 3 years, but I am an expert at diverting attention.) "What do you have on tap?" (What's cheap?) "Can I have a white Russian?" [male] (I'm really gay.) "Can I have a white Russian?" [female] (I'm really easy.) "That person looks really familiar." (Did I sleep with him/her?) "Can I just get a glass of water?" [female] (I'm annoying, but cute enough to get away with this.) "Can I just get a glass of water?" [male] (I'm annoying, and cheap to boot.) "I don't have my ID on me." [female] (I'm 19.) "I don't have my ID on me." [male] (I don't have a license since I got pulled over and blew a 0.4 after my last visit here.) "Excuse Me." [male to male] (Get the fuck out of the way.) "Excuse Me." [male to female] (I am going to grope you now.) "Excuse Me." [female to male] (Don't even think about groping me, just get the fuck out of the way.) "Excuse Me." [female to female] (Move your fat ass. Who do you think you are anyway? You are not all that, missy, and don't think for one minute that you are. Coming in here dressing like a ho...Get your eyes off of my man, or I'll slap you, bitch, like the slut you are.) [/QUOTE]
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