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<blockquote data-quote="melody" data-source="post: 1063836818" data-attributes="member: 14320"><p><strong><span style="color: Teal">Ten Indications of a New Year Hangover</span></strong></p><p></p><p>You get it into your head that chirping birds are the Devil's pets.</p><p>Trying to gain control of the situation, you continue to tell your room to "Stay still."</p><p>Looking at yourself in the mirror induces the same reaction as drinking a glass of fresh paint.</p><p>The bathroom reminds you of the fairground cry, "Step right up and give it whirl!"</p><p>You'd rather chew tacks than be exposed to sunlight.</p><p>You set aside an entire afternoon to spend some quality time with your toilet.</p><p>You replace the traditional praying on your knees with the more feasible praying in a fetal position.</p><p>Your catch phrase is, "Never again."</p><p>You could purchase a new fridge on the proceeds from recycling the bottles around your bed.</p><p>Your new response to "Good morning," is "Be quiet!"</p><p></p><p><strong><span style="color: Red">==========</span></strong></p><p></p><p>The New Year's Eve party had turned into a regular marathon with numerous guests coming and going.</p><p>At one point, a man knocked on the door, was greeted heartily although no one knew who he was, and was led to the bar in the basement.</p><p>He sat there happily for a couple of hours before a strange light dawned on his face. "You know," he confided to his host: "I wasn't even invited to this party. I just came over to tell you that some of your guests' cars are blocking my driveway."</p><p>The guest continued: "My wife's been sitting out in the car waiting for me to get them moved."</p><p></p><p><strong><span style="color: Teal">New Years Resolutions For Pets</span></strong></p><p></p><p>15. I will not eat other animals' poop.</p><p></p><p>14. I will not lick my human's face after eating animal poop.</p><p></p><p>13. I do not need to suddenly stand straight up when I'm lying under the coffee table.</p><p></p><p>12. My head does not belong in the refrigerator.</p><p></p><p>11. I will no longer be beholden to the sound of the can opener.</p><p></p><p>10. Cats: Circulate a petition that sleeping become a juried competition in major animal shows.</p><p></p><p>9. Come to understand that cats are from Venus; dogs are from Mars.</p><p></p><p>8. Take time from busy schedule to stop and smell the behinds.</p><p></p><p>7. Hamster: Don't let them figure out I'm just a rat on steroids, or they'll flush me!</p><p></p><p>6. Get a bite in on that freak who gives me that shot every year.</p><p></p><p>5. Grow opposable thumb; break into pantry; decide for MYSELF how much food is *too* much.</p><p></p><p>4. Cats: Use new living room sofa as scratching post.</p><p></p><p>3. January 1st: Kill the sock! Must kill the sock!</p><p>January 2nd - December 31: Re-live victory over the sock.</p><p></p><p>2. The garbage collector is NOT stealing our stuff.</p><p></p><p>AND the Number 1 New Year's Resolutions Made by Pets...</p><p></p><p>1. I will NOT chase the stick until I see it LEAVE THE IDIOT'S HAND</p><p><strong><span style="color: Red">============</span></strong></p><p><strong><span style="color: Teal">New Year Resolutions For Nerds</span></strong></p><p>16. I resolve... I resolve to... I resolve to, uh... I resolve to, uh, get my, er... I resolve to, uh, get my, er, off-line work done, too!</p><p></p><p>15. I will stop checking my e-mail at 3:00 in the morning... 4:30 is much more practical.</p><p></p><p>14. When I hear a funny joke I will not reply, "LOL... LOL!"</p><p></p><p>13. I will stop sending e-mail, ICQ, Instant Messages and be on the phone at the same time with the same person.</p><p></p><p>12. I will try to figure out why I *really* need 9 e-mail addresses.</p><p></p><p>11. I will stop sending e-mail to my roommate.</p><p></p><p>10. I will not buy magazines with AOL disks bound in just to get another 1.44MB disk.</p><p></p><p>9. I resolve to work with neglected children... my own.</p><p></p><p>8. I will answer my snail mail with the same enthusiasm I answer e-mail.</p><p></p><p>7. When I subscribe to a newsgroup or mailing list, I will read all the mail I get from it.</p><p></p><p>6. I will stop using, "So, what's your URL?" as a pickup line.</p><p></p><p>5. No more downloads from Alt. binaries*</p><p></p><p>4. I resolve to back up my new 400 GB hard drive daily... well, once a week... monthly, perhaps...</p><p></p><p>3. I will spend less than five hour a day on the Internet.</p><p></p><p>2. I will limit my top ten lists to ten items.</p><p></p><p>1. I will read the manual... just as soon as I can find it.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="melody, post: 1063836818, member: 14320"] [B][COLOR="Teal"]Ten Indications of a New Year Hangover[/COLOR][/B] You get it into your head that chirping birds are the Devil's pets. Trying to gain control of the situation, you continue to tell your room to "Stay still." Looking at yourself in the mirror induces the same reaction as drinking a glass of fresh paint. The bathroom reminds you of the fairground cry, "Step right up and give it whirl!" You'd rather chew tacks than be exposed to sunlight. You set aside an entire afternoon to spend some quality time with your toilet. You replace the traditional praying on your knees with the more feasible praying in a fetal position. Your catch phrase is, "Never again." You could purchase a new fridge on the proceeds from recycling the bottles around your bed. Your new response to "Good morning," is "Be quiet!" [B][COLOR="Red"]==========[/COLOR][/B] The New Year's Eve party had turned into a regular marathon with numerous guests coming and going. At one point, a man knocked on the door, was greeted heartily although no one knew who he was, and was led to the bar in the basement. He sat there happily for a couple of hours before a strange light dawned on his face. "You know," he confided to his host: "I wasn't even invited to this party. I just came over to tell you that some of your guests' cars are blocking my driveway." The guest continued: "My wife's been sitting out in the car waiting for me to get them moved." [B][COLOR="Teal"]New Years Resolutions For Pets[/COLOR][/B] 15. I will not eat other animals' poop. 14. I will not lick my human's face after eating animal poop. 13. I do not need to suddenly stand straight up when I'm lying under the coffee table. 12. My head does not belong in the refrigerator. 11. I will no longer be beholden to the sound of the can opener. 10. Cats: Circulate a petition that sleeping become a juried competition in major animal shows. 9. Come to understand that cats are from Venus; dogs are from Mars. 8. Take time from busy schedule to stop and smell the behinds. 7. Hamster: Don't let them figure out I'm just a rat on steroids, or they'll flush me! 6. Get a bite in on that freak who gives me that shot every year. 5. Grow opposable thumb; break into pantry; decide for MYSELF how much food is *too* much. 4. Cats: Use new living room sofa as scratching post. 3. January 1st: Kill the sock! Must kill the sock! January 2nd - December 31: Re-live victory over the sock. 2. The garbage collector is NOT stealing our stuff. AND the Number 1 New Year's Resolutions Made by Pets... 1. I will NOT chase the stick until I see it LEAVE THE IDIOT'S HAND [B][COLOR="Red"]============[/COLOR] [COLOR="Teal"]New Year Resolutions For Nerds[/COLOR][/B] 16. I resolve... I resolve to... I resolve to, uh... I resolve to, uh, get my, er... I resolve to, uh, get my, er, off-line work done, too! 15. I will stop checking my e-mail at 3:00 in the morning... 4:30 is much more practical. 14. When I hear a funny joke I will not reply, "LOL... LOL!" 13. I will stop sending e-mail, ICQ, Instant Messages and be on the phone at the same time with the same person. 12. I will try to figure out why I *really* need 9 e-mail addresses. 11. I will stop sending e-mail to my roommate. 10. I will not buy magazines with AOL disks bound in just to get another 1.44MB disk. 9. I resolve to work with neglected children... my own. 8. I will answer my snail mail with the same enthusiasm I answer e-mail. 7. When I subscribe to a newsgroup or mailing list, I will read all the mail I get from it. 6. I will stop using, "So, what's your URL?" as a pickup line. 5. No more downloads from Alt. binaries* 4. I resolve to back up my new 400 GB hard drive daily... well, once a week... monthly, perhaps... 3. I will spend less than five hour a day on the Internet. 2. I will limit my top ten lists to ten items. 1. I will read the manual... just as soon as I can find it. [/QUOTE]
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