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<blockquote data-quote="melody" data-source="post: 1063837443" data-attributes="member: 14320"><p><strong><span style="color: Teal">Naughty Shorties</span></strong></p><p></p><p>A man's balls had turned brown and he was worried so he made an Appointment with his doctor.</p><p></p><p>When he got home from the appointment he sat down in his chair in the living room.</p><p></p><p>He hollered for his wife to come from the kitchen.</p><p></p><p>After a while when she didn't come he hollered again.</p><p></p><p>After the third time she hollered back, "I haven't got time. I am fixing dinner; I have clothes here to iron, the baby is crying and needs changed. I don't have time to wipe my ass.</p><p></p><p>He said," That's what I want to talk to you about".</p><p><strong><span style="color: Red">__________</span></strong></p><p></p><p>May your bleeding piles torment you</p><p>And corns grow on your feet</p><p>And crabs the size of horse turds</p><p>Get on your balls and eat</p><p>And when you're old and feeble</p><p>A syphilletic wreck</p><p>May your head fall through your asshole</p><p>And break your fucking neck</p><p><strong><span style="color: Red">__________</span></strong></p><p><strong><span style="color: Red"></span></strong></p><p>There was once a man from Boston,</p><p>who bought himself an Austin</p><p>He had room for his gas,</p><p>And half his ass,</p><p>but his balls hung down, and he lost em.</p><p><strong><span style="color: Red">__________</span></strong></p><p><strong><span style="color: Red"></span></strong></p><p>Old Mother Hubbard, went to the cupboard</p><p>to get her dog a bone</p><p>When she got there, she found the cupboard</p><p>was bare, but the dog</p><p>had a bone of his own.</p><p><strong><span style="color: Red">__________</span></strong></p><p></p><p>Ginger was feeling quite gruff</p><p>'Til he placed his head in her muff</p><p>Then she purred like a kitty</p><p>When his tongue hit her clitty</p><p>Saying, "I just cannot get enough!"</p><p><strong><span style="color: Red">__________</span></strong></p><p></p><p>While Greeley was fucking Miss Klutz,</p><p>She said as he plunged in his putz,</p><p>"Do you love me dear Greeley?"</p><p>He answered, "Not really,</p><p>I just wanted to blow off my nuts."</p><p><strong><span style="color: Red">__________</span></strong></p><p></p><p>Three gays are in a spa bath - Suddenly a blob of semen floats to the</p><p>surface of the spa.</p><p>They all look at each other and one says to the other two:</p><p>"Ok, which of you two morons farted?"</p><p><strong><span style="color: Red">__________</span></strong></p><p></p><p>The New Zealand couple finally worked out a solution to the eternal</p><p>love triangle. They ate the sheep.</p><p><strong><span style="color: Red">__________</span></strong></p><p></p><p>A Kiwi farmer was counting his sheep:</p><p>"205, 206, 207, hello darling, 209, 210...."</p><p><strong><span style="color: Red">__________</span></strong></p><p></p><p>The farmer's wife gave him a plate of grass for his dinner.</p><p>"What the hell's this?" he exploded.</p><p>"If its good enough for you girlfriend then it's good enough for you!"</p><p>she said.</p><p><strong><span style="color: Red">__________</span></strong></p><p></p><p>Little Bo Peep has lost her sheep</p><p>and didn't know where to find them</p><p>But a search revealed they where in the next field</p><p>With a dirty big Kiwi behind them.</p><p><strong><span style="color: Teal"></span></strong></p><p><strong><span style="color: Teal">"Advice For Young Girlfriends"</span></strong></p><p></p><p>Q: How do I know if I'm ready for sex?</p><p>A: Ask your boyfriend. He'll know when the time is right. When it comes to</p><p>love and sex, men are much more responsible, since they're not as</p><p>emotionally confused as women. It's a proven fact.</p><p></p><p>Q: Should I have sex on the first date?</p><p>A: YES. Before if possible.</p><p></p><p>Q: What exactly happens during the act of sex?</p><p>A: Again, this is entirely up to the man. The important thing to remember</p><p>is that you must do whatever he tells you without question. Sometimes,</p><p>however, he may ask you to do certain things that may at first seem</p><p>strange to you. Do them anyway.</p><p></p><p>Q: How long should the sex act last?</p><p>A: This is a natural & normal part of nature, so don't feel ashamed or</p><p>embarrassed.</p><p>After you've finished making love, he'll have a natural desire to leave</p><p>you suddenly, & go out with his friends to play golf.</p><p>Or perhaps another activity, such as going out with his friends to the bar</p><p>for the purpose of consuming large</p><p>amounts of alcohol & sharing a few personal thoughts with his buddies.</p><p>Don't feel left out -- while he's</p><p>gone you can busy yourself by doing laundry, cleaning the apartment, or</p><p>perhaps even going out to buy him an</p><p>expensive gift. He'll come back when he's ready.</p><p></p><p>Q: What is "afterplay"?</p><p>A: After a man has finished making love, he needs to replenish his manly</p><p>energy. "Afterplay" is simply a list of important activities for you to do</p><p>after lovemaking. This includes lighting his cigarette, making him a</p><p>sandwich or pizza, bringing him a few</p><p>beers, or leaving him alone to sleep while you go out and buy him an</p><p>expensive gift.</p><p></p><p>Q: Does the size of the penis matter?</p><p>A: Yes. Although many women believe that quality, not quantity, is</p><p>important, studies show this is simply not true.</p><p></p><p>The average erect male penis measures about three inches. Anything longer</p><p>than that is extremely rare and if by some chance your lover's sexual</p><p>organ is 4 inches or over, you should go down on your knees and thank your</p><p>lucky stars and do everything possible to please him, such as doing his</p><p>laundry, cleaning his apartment and/or buying him an expensive gift.</p><p></p><p>Q: What about the female orgasm?</p><p>A: What about it? There's no such thing. It's a myth.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="melody, post: 1063837443, member: 14320"] [B][COLOR="Teal"]Naughty Shorties[/COLOR][/B] A man's balls had turned brown and he was worried so he made an Appointment with his doctor. When he got home from the appointment he sat down in his chair in the living room. He hollered for his wife to come from the kitchen. After a while when she didn't come he hollered again. After the third time she hollered back, "I haven't got time. I am fixing dinner; I have clothes here to iron, the baby is crying and needs changed. I don't have time to wipe my ass. He said," That's what I want to talk to you about". [B][COLOR="Red"]__________[/COLOR][/B] May your bleeding piles torment you And corns grow on your feet And crabs the size of horse turds Get on your balls and eat And when you're old and feeble A syphilletic wreck May your head fall through your asshole And break your fucking neck [B][COLOR="Red"]__________ [/COLOR][/B] There was once a man from Boston, who bought himself an Austin He had room for his gas, And half his ass, but his balls hung down, and he lost em. [B][COLOR="Red"]__________ [/COLOR][/B] Old Mother Hubbard, went to the cupboard to get her dog a bone When she got there, she found the cupboard was bare, but the dog had a bone of his own. [B][COLOR="Red"]__________[/COLOR][/B] Ginger was feeling quite gruff 'Til he placed his head in her muff Then she purred like a kitty When his tongue hit her clitty Saying, "I just cannot get enough!" [B][COLOR="Red"]__________[/COLOR][/B] While Greeley was fucking Miss Klutz, She said as he plunged in his putz, "Do you love me dear Greeley?" He answered, "Not really, I just wanted to blow off my nuts." [B][COLOR="Red"]__________[/COLOR][/B] Three gays are in a spa bath - Suddenly a blob of semen floats to the surface of the spa. They all look at each other and one says to the other two: "Ok, which of you two morons farted?" [B][COLOR="Red"]__________[/COLOR][/B] The New Zealand couple finally worked out a solution to the eternal love triangle. They ate the sheep. [B][COLOR="Red"]__________[/COLOR][/B] A Kiwi farmer was counting his sheep: "205, 206, 207, hello darling, 209, 210...." [B][COLOR="Red"]__________[/COLOR][/B] The farmer's wife gave him a plate of grass for his dinner. "What the hell's this?" he exploded. "If its good enough for you girlfriend then it's good enough for you!" she said. [B][COLOR="Red"]__________[/COLOR][/B] Little Bo Peep has lost her sheep and didn't know where to find them But a search revealed they where in the next field With a dirty big Kiwi behind them. [B][COLOR="Teal"] "Advice For Young Girlfriends"[/COLOR][/B] Q: How do I know if I'm ready for sex? A: Ask your boyfriend. He'll know when the time is right. When it comes to love and sex, men are much more responsible, since they're not as emotionally confused as women. It's a proven fact. Q: Should I have sex on the first date? A: YES. Before if possible. Q: What exactly happens during the act of sex? A: Again, this is entirely up to the man. The important thing to remember is that you must do whatever he tells you without question. Sometimes, however, he may ask you to do certain things that may at first seem strange to you. Do them anyway. Q: How long should the sex act last? A: This is a natural & normal part of nature, so don't feel ashamed or embarrassed. After you've finished making love, he'll have a natural desire to leave you suddenly, & go out with his friends to play golf. Or perhaps another activity, such as going out with his friends to the bar for the purpose of consuming large amounts of alcohol & sharing a few personal thoughts with his buddies. Don't feel left out -- while he's gone you can busy yourself by doing laundry, cleaning the apartment, or perhaps even going out to buy him an expensive gift. He'll come back when he's ready. Q: What is "afterplay"? A: After a man has finished making love, he needs to replenish his manly energy. "Afterplay" is simply a list of important activities for you to do after lovemaking. This includes lighting his cigarette, making him a sandwich or pizza, bringing him a few beers, or leaving him alone to sleep while you go out and buy him an expensive gift. Q: Does the size of the penis matter? A: Yes. Although many women believe that quality, not quantity, is important, studies show this is simply not true. The average erect male penis measures about three inches. Anything longer than that is extremely rare and if by some chance your lover's sexual organ is 4 inches or over, you should go down on your knees and thank your lucky stars and do everything possible to please him, such as doing his laundry, cleaning his apartment and/or buying him an expensive gift. Q: What about the female orgasm? A: What about it? There's no such thing. It's a myth. [/QUOTE]
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