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Message: <blockquote data-quote="melody" data-source="post: 1063864001" data-attributes="member: 14320">Mrs. SchmidlapMrs. Schmidlap hires a maid with beautiful blonde hair. The first morning, the girl pulls off the hair and says, "I wear a wig, because I was born totally hairless. Not a hair on my body, not even down there."That night, Mrs. Schmidlap tells her husband. He says, "I've never seen anything like that. Please tomorrow, ask her to go into the bedroom and show you. I want to hide in the closet so I can have a look."The next day, Mrs. Schmidlap asks the girl, the two of them go into the bedroom, and the girl strips and shows her. Then the girl says, "I've never seen one with hair on it. Can I see yours?"So Mrs. Schmidlap pulls off her clothes and shows her. That night, Mrs. Schmidlap says to her husband, "I hope you're satisfied, because I was pretty embarrassed when that girl asked to see mine."Her husband says, "You think you were embarrassed...I had the four guys I play poker with in the closet with me."One morning while his wife was making breakfast, a man walked up to her and gave her a healthy pinch on her butt.He said to her, “If you firmed up your butt we could get rid of your girdle.”The wife was angry but said nothing. The next morning her husband pinched her breast and said, “If you firmed these up we could get rid of your bra.”The wife grabbed her husband’s penis and replied, “and if you firmed this up we could get rid of the mailman, the gardener, the pool man, and your bother!”A man and his wife go to their honeymoon hotel for their 25th anniversary. As the couple reflected on that magical evening 25 years ago, the wife asked the husband, "When you first saw my naked body in front of you, what was going through your mind?"The husband replied, "All I wanted to do was to fuck your brains out, and suck your tits dry."Then, as the wife undressed, she asked, "What are you thinking now?"He replied, "It looks as if I did a pretty good job."nnnA man was lying on his deathbed, his wife there to comfort him during his last moments. Being a good catholic and a strong believer in confession he began to say something that he felt he needed to get off of his chest before passing from this present life. As he began to speak though, his wife told him not to speak, to save his strength but he would hear nothing of the sort for he knew the end was already near. So his faithful wife listened as he said in his rapidly fading voice, “honey, I love you so I feel like I should be the one to tell you this. I cheated on you with your sister, your sister's friend, and your sister's friend's sister.'' Now the man, having spent the last of his strength lay quietly as his wife looked at him with lovingly understanding eyes and said, ''I know...that's why I poisoned you.'' The Blonde LotteryA blond woman named Brandi finds herself in dire trouble. Her business has gone bust and she's in serious financial trouble. She's so desperate that she decides to ask God for help. She begins to pray..."God, please help me. I've lost my business and if I don't get some money, I'm going to lose my house as well. Please let me win the lotto."Lotto night comes and somebody else wins it. Brandi again prays "God, please let me win the lotto! I've lost my business, my house and I'm going to lose my car as well."Lotto night comes and Brandi still has no luck. Once again, she prays..."My God, why have you forsaken me? I've lost my business, my house, and my car. My children are starving. I don't often ask you for help and I have always been a good servant to you. PLEASE just let me win the lotto this one time so I can get my life back in order.Suddenly there is a blinding flash of light as the heavens open and Brandi is confronted by the voice of God Himself: "Brandi, You have to meet me halfway on this... You have to buy a ticket."======A Brunette a Blonde and a Red head are all in the third grade,who has the biggest boobs?The blonde,she's eighteen.A blonde and a brunette are walking down the street.The brunette says to the blonde, "My boyfriend has dandruff so I give him Head and Shoulders."The blonde replies, "How do you give shoulders?!?!"Q. How do you know when a blonde's having a bad day?A. Her tampon is behind her ear and she can't find her pencil.======In Las Vegas there's a nightclub that has a very special mirror in the ladies room. When you stand in front of this mirror and tell a lie the mirror swallows you.A rather ugly woman stands in front of the mirror and says: '' I think I am the most beautiful woman in the whole world!''SHUM! The mirror swallows herThen a fat woman stands in front of it and says:’ I think I am the sexiest woman on earth!''SHUM! The mirror swallows her.Afterwards a very good looking-sexy blonde stands in front of the mirror and says:''I think.''SHUM!</blockquote>