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<blockquote data-quote="melody" data-source="post: 1063865201" data-attributes="member: 14320"><p><strong><span style="color: Teal">Larger Breasts</span></strong></p><p></p><p>Fresh from my shower, I stand in front of the mirror, complaining to my</p><p>husband that my breasts are too small. Instead of characteristically</p><p>telling me it's not so, he uncharacteristically comes up with a</p><p>suggestion: ` "If you want your breasts to grow, then every day take a</p><p>piece of toilet paper and rub it between your breasts for a few</p><p>seconds." ` Willing to try anything, I fetch a piece of toilet paper</p><p>and stand in front of the mirror, rubbing it between my breasts."How</p><p>long will this take?" I ask. "They will grow larger over a period of</p><p>years," he replies. ` "Do you really think rubbing a piece of toilet</p><p>paper between my breasts every day will make my breasts larger over the</p><p>years. Without missing a beat he says, "Worked for your butt, didn't</p><p>it?"</p><p>He's still alive, and with a great deal of therapy, may even walk</p><p>again</p><p></p><p><strong><span style="color: Red">======</span></strong></p><p></p><p>Over at Hillcrest Baptist Medical Center late yesterday was a lady who'd swallowed a super Gillette razor blade.</p><p>As she sat awaiting her ride she said her doctor'd discovered that not only had she given herself a tonsillectomy, an appendectomyand a hysterectomy, but also'd castrated her husband, circumcised her lover, taken two fingers off a casual acquaintance, given her vicar a hair lip -- 'n still there were 5 shaves left!</p><p></p><p><strong><span style="color: Red">=======</span></strong></p><p></p><p>One day, a diver was enjoying the aquatic world 20 feet below</p><p>sea level. He noticed a guy at the same depth, but with no scuba</p><p>gear whatsoever. The diver went below another 20 feet, and the</p><p>guy joined him a few minutes later. The diver went down 25 feet</p><p>more, and minutes later, the same guy joined him.</p><p></p><p>This confused the diver, so he took out a waterproof chalkboard set,</p><p>and wrote, "How the heck are you able to stay under this deep</p><p>without equipment?"</p><p></p><p>The guy took the board and chalk, erased what the diver had written,</p><p>and wrote, ..."I'm drowning, you fucking moron...!"</p><p></p><p><strong><span style="color: Teal">Apples</span></strong></p><p></p><p>A man is driving down a country road when he sees a sign,</p><p>"Apples $5.00 each." Intrigued to find out why an apple should</p><p>Cost that much, he stops and asks the farmer why the apples</p><p>Are so expensive.</p><p>The farmer says, "These are special peanut butter and jelly</p><p>Apples. Here, try one."</p><p>The man takes a bite and says, "Unbelievable; I taste the</p><p>Peanut butter but not the jelly."</p><p>The farmer says, "Turn it around." He does and he savors a</p><p>Sweet jelly.</p><p>The farmer says, "I've got ham and cheese apples, too, but</p><p>They're $10.00 each."</p><p>The man is excited, buys one, takes a bite and says, "Wow,</p><p>These are great but I taste the ham but not the cheese."</p><p>The farmer says, "Turn it around." He does, takes a bite and</p><p>A rich, creamy cheese taste fills his mouth.</p><p>The farmer says, "N ow, if you really like those, I've got</p><p>Some very special apples that cost $50.00 each. They're pussy</p><p>Apples."</p><p>The man cannot resist and buys one. He takes a bite and says,</p><p>"YUCK, these taste like shit!"</p><p>The farmer says, "Turn it around."</p><p></p><p></p><p>John was in a bar looking very dejected.</p><p>His friend, Steve, walked over and asked,</p><p>"What's wrong?"</p><p>"It's my mother-in-law, " John replied,</p><p>While shaking his head sadly. "I have</p><p>A real problem with her."</p><p>"Cheer up," Steve said. "Everyone has</p><p>Problems with their mother-in-law. "</p><p>"Yeah," John answered. "But I got mine pregnant."</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="melody, post: 1063865201, member: 14320"] [B][COLOR="Teal"]Larger Breasts[/COLOR][/B] Fresh from my shower, I stand in front of the mirror, complaining to my husband that my breasts are too small. Instead of characteristically telling me it's not so, he uncharacteristically comes up with a suggestion: ` "If you want your breasts to grow, then every day take a piece of toilet paper and rub it between your breasts for a few seconds." ` Willing to try anything, I fetch a piece of toilet paper and stand in front of the mirror, rubbing it between my breasts."How long will this take?" I ask. "They will grow larger over a period of years," he replies. ` "Do you really think rubbing a piece of toilet paper between my breasts every day will make my breasts larger over the years. Without missing a beat he says, "Worked for your butt, didn't it?" He's still alive, and with a great deal of therapy, may even walk again [B][COLOR="Red"]======[/COLOR][/B] Over at Hillcrest Baptist Medical Center late yesterday was a lady who'd swallowed a super Gillette razor blade. As she sat awaiting her ride she said her doctor'd discovered that not only had she given herself a tonsillectomy, an appendectomyand a hysterectomy, but also'd castrated her husband, circumcised her lover, taken two fingers off a casual acquaintance, given her vicar a hair lip -- 'n still there were 5 shaves left! [B][COLOR="Red"]=======[/COLOR][/B] One day, a diver was enjoying the aquatic world 20 feet below sea level. He noticed a guy at the same depth, but with no scuba gear whatsoever. The diver went below another 20 feet, and the guy joined him a few minutes later. The diver went down 25 feet more, and minutes later, the same guy joined him. This confused the diver, so he took out a waterproof chalkboard set, and wrote, "How the heck are you able to stay under this deep without equipment?" The guy took the board and chalk, erased what the diver had written, and wrote, ..."I'm drowning, you fucking moron...!" [B][COLOR="Teal"]Apples[/COLOR][/B] A man is driving down a country road when he sees a sign, "Apples $5.00 each." Intrigued to find out why an apple should Cost that much, he stops and asks the farmer why the apples Are so expensive. The farmer says, "These are special peanut butter and jelly Apples. Here, try one." The man takes a bite and says, "Unbelievable; I taste the Peanut butter but not the jelly." The farmer says, "Turn it around." He does and he savors a Sweet jelly. The farmer says, "I've got ham and cheese apples, too, but They're $10.00 each." The man is excited, buys one, takes a bite and says, "Wow, These are great but I taste the ham but not the cheese." The farmer says, "Turn it around." He does, takes a bite and A rich, creamy cheese taste fills his mouth. The farmer says, "N ow, if you really like those, I've got Some very special apples that cost $50.00 each. They're pussy Apples." The man cannot resist and buys one. He takes a bite and says, "YUCK, these taste like shit!" The farmer says, "Turn it around." John was in a bar looking very dejected. His friend, Steve, walked over and asked, "What's wrong?" "It's my mother-in-law, " John replied, While shaking his head sadly. "I have A real problem with her." "Cheer up," Steve said. "Everyone has Problems with their mother-in-law. " "Yeah," John answered. "But I got mine pregnant." [/QUOTE]
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