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<blockquote data-quote="melody" data-source="post: 1063869754" data-attributes="member: 14320"><p><strong><span style="color: Teal">A Nude Beach</span></strong></p><p></p><p>A couple takes their son on vacation to a nude beach. The father goes for a walk on the beach and the son goes and plays in the water.</p><p>The son comes running up to his mom and says, "Mommy, I saw ladies with boobies a lot bigger than yours!"</p><p>The mom says, "The bigger they are, the dumber they are."</p><p>So he goes back to play. Several minutes later he comes running back and says, "Mommy, I saw men with dingers a lot bigger than Daddy's!"</p><p>The mom says, "The bigger they are, the dumber they are."</p><p></p><p><strong><span style="color: Teal">Definitions</span></strong></p><p></p><p>MADAM: One who offers vice to the lovelorn.</p><p></p><p>MARCONI: The first man to send a message through a length of spaghetti without it touching the sides.</p><p></p><p>MINE SHAFT: What a German calls his dick.</p><p></p><p>MONOLOGUE: A discussion between man and wife.</p><p></p><p>NONDESCRIPT: A television play.</p><p></p><p>ODIOUS: Not very good poetry.</p><p></p><p>ORGY: Grope therapy.</p><p></p><p>PARENTS: Couples who practice the Rhythm Method.</p><p></p><p>PEDESTRIAN: A motorist with teenage sons.</p><p></p><p>PIMP: Nookie Bookie.</p><p></p><p>PIMP: Public relations man for a public relations girl.</p><p></p><p>PORNOGRAPHY: Clitertature.</p><p></p><p>PREMATURE EJACULATION: The come before the scorn.</p><p></p><p>RACIAL DISPUTE: When the course judge calls for a photo.</p><p></p><p>RED RIDING HOOD: A Russian condom.</p><p></p><p>REFLECTION: What a girl looks at, but is not given to.</p><p></p><p>SAGE: A bloke who knows his onions.</p><p></p><p>SITTING PRETTY: Sitting Bull's gay brother.</p><p></p><p>SNOW JOB: How a woman defrosts her man.</p><p></p><p>SNUFF: Sufficient unto the day.</p><p></p><p>SONATA: A song sung by Frank.</p><p></p><p>SPECIMEN: An Italian astronaut.</p><p></p><p>STALEMATE: A husband who has lost his ardor.</p><p></p><p>TEAR JERKER: A bloke who cries while wanking.</p><p></p><p>TRUE LOVE: An injection with affection to the midsection from a projection without objection.</p><p></p><p>VICE SQUAD: The pussy posse.</p><p></p><p>VICE VERSA: Dirty poetry from Italy.</p><p></p><p>VIRGIN: A girl who whispers sweet nothing doings.</p><p></p><p>VIRGIN: A girl who won't take in what a guy takes out.</p><p></p><p>VIRGIN: Any Hicksville girl who can outrun her brothers.</p><p></p><p>VIRGIN SQUAW: Wouldn't Indian.</p><p></p><p>WELSH RAREBIT: A Cardiff virgin.</p><p></p><p>WET DREAM: A snorgasm.</p><p></p><p>ANTI-CLIMAX: Bore-gasm.</p><p></p><p>CORPORATE VIRGIN: New girl in the office.</p><p></p><p>DESPERATE STRAIGHTS: Sex-starved heterosexuals.</p><p></p><p>GAELIC: An Irish Lesbian.</p><p></p><p>INCEST: Relatively boring.</p><p></p><p>INCEST: A game for the whole family to play.</p><p></p><p>LUBRICATED CONDOMS: Bedroom slippers.</p><p></p><p>MASTURBATION: I-balling.</p><p></p><p>SELF-DECEPTION: Faking an organism during masturbation.</p><p><strong><span style="color: Red">____________________</span></strong></p><p></p><p>Recently a man had to go to the hospital to have his wedding ring</p><p>cut off his penis after his mistress found the ring in his pants pocket</p><p>and got so mad at him she stuck it on him while he was asleep.</p><p></p><p>Which is worse?</p><p>1) having your mistress find out you're married.</p><p>2) explaining to your wife how your wedding ring got on your penis.</p><p>3) Or finding out your penis fits through your wedding ring.</p><p>So he goes back to play. Several minutes later he comes running back and says, "Mommy, I just saw Daddy talking to the dumbest lady I ever saw and the more and more he talked, the dumber and dumber he got.</p><p><strong><span style="color: Red">========</span></strong></p><p>A teenage girl comes home from school and asks her mother. "Is it true what Rita just told me? Babies come out of the same place where boys put their penises?"</p><p>"Yes, dear," replies her mother, pleased that the subject had finally come up and she wouldn't have to explain it to her daughter.</p><p></p><p>"But then when I have a baby," the teenager pondered, "won't it knock all my teeth out?"</p><p><strong><span style="color: Red">========</span></strong></p><p>A little boy walked in on his parents having sex. He sees his mom bouncing up and down on his dad, and he says "Mommy, what are you doing?" She said, "Well, daddy's too fat so I thought I'd try to flatten him out." The boy replied, "Why bother, every Tuesday the maid comes over and blows him back up again!"</p><p><strong><span style="color: Red">========</span></strong></p><p>Why is a woman like KFC?</p><p>......Because after that succulent breast and tender thighs all your left with is a greasy box to put your bone in!!!</p><p></p><p></p><p><strong><span style="color: Teal">Idiot Jokes</span></strong></p><p></p><p>A guy at the bar sits down and sees a beautiful creature sitting at the other end of the bar. He calls the bartender over and says, “Bring me a whiskey, and buy that woman a drink.”</p><p>The bartender tells him, “Listen, pal. Save your money. She’s a lesbian.” “A lesbian?’ says the guy. “It doesn’t matter. Buy her a drink.”</p><p>The bartender brings the guy his whiskey and then gets a drink for the woman. Upon receiving her drink the woman looks over at the man, takes a sip, nods her thanks, and then looks away, retuning to her drink.</p><p>The man calls the bartender over and orders, “Buy her another drink! Whatever she wants!” I’m telling you,” the bartender tries to explain, “You’re wasting your money. She’s a lesbian.”</p><p>The man insists, and so the bartender gets the woman another drink. She nods her thanks to the guy, but that’s it.</p><p>This happens five or six more times, but the woman just sits over at the other end of the bar, minding her own business. By now, though, the guy is getting pretty looped, so he goes over to the woman and slurs, “Excuse me, can I ask you something?”</p><p>The woman replies, “Sure.” “So tell me,” says the guy, “where are from in Lesbia?"</p><p></p><p></p><p>There was this man who was just getting married, but he didn't know how to have sex. So he asked his dad, "What do I do?" His dad said, "Take a walkie-talkie with you and I will tell you what to do” So he gets married and carries his newly wed into the honeymoon suite and throws her on the bed. He walks into the other room and calls his dad on the walkie-talkie, "Dad, what do I do?" "Ok, first take off her clothes and start kissing her." So, he does what his dad said. Then he goes into the room and calls him, "Now what?" "Then you start touching her." So he starts to touch her. Then he goes back to the walkie-talkie, "NOW what?" "Ok, son," replies his dad. "Now here comes the best part. Take what you and me BOTH have.... and stick it into her!" So the man runs into the room and sticks the walkie-talkie into her.</p><p></p><p></p><p>A guy goes into a bar and tries to pick up on the barmaid. After many advances the barmaid gets fed up and tells him, “Look I'd really love to take you home but I'm on my menstrual cycle.” Not to be discouraged the fellow say’s “that’s all right I'll just follow you in my Hyundai".</p><p></p><p></p><p>One day a man was walking in the street. He met another man who asked him what happened to his ears as both were covered with bandages. He said "I was ironing my clothes when the phone bell rang. Instead of picking up the phone, I picked up the iron, and so I burnt my ears". The man asked, "So what happened to your other ear?" He said, " That same stupid guy called again!</p><p></p><p></p><p>A man is driving down a road. A woman is driving down the same road from</p><p>the opposite direction. As they pass each other, the woman leans out the</p><p>window and yells "PIG!!"</p><p></p><p>The man immediately leans out his window and yells "FUCKING CUNT!!"</p><p></p><p>They each continue on their way, and as the man rounds the next curve,</p><p>he crashes into a huge pig in the middle of the road.</p><p></p><p></p><p>A foolish man is making love. Afterwards he says to the woman, “What’s the matter?</p><p>Didn’t you like it?”</p><p>The woman says, “Of course I liked it. What gave you the idea that I didn’t?”</p><p>“Well,” says the man, “you moved.”</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="melody, post: 1063869754, member: 14320"] [B][COLOR="Teal"]A Nude Beach[/COLOR][/B] A couple takes their son on vacation to a nude beach. The father goes for a walk on the beach and the son goes and plays in the water. The son comes running up to his mom and says, "Mommy, I saw ladies with boobies a lot bigger than yours!" The mom says, "The bigger they are, the dumber they are." So he goes back to play. Several minutes later he comes running back and says, "Mommy, I saw men with dingers a lot bigger than Daddy's!" The mom says, "The bigger they are, the dumber they are." [B][COLOR="Teal"]Definitions[/COLOR][/B] MADAM: One who offers vice to the lovelorn. MARCONI: The first man to send a message through a length of spaghetti without it touching the sides. MINE SHAFT: What a German calls his dick. MONOLOGUE: A discussion between man and wife. NONDESCRIPT: A television play. ODIOUS: Not very good poetry. ORGY: Grope therapy. PARENTS: Couples who practice the Rhythm Method. PEDESTRIAN: A motorist with teenage sons. PIMP: Nookie Bookie. PIMP: Public relations man for a public relations girl. PORNOGRAPHY: Clitertature. PREMATURE EJACULATION: The come before the scorn. RACIAL DISPUTE: When the course judge calls for a photo. RED RIDING HOOD: A Russian condom. REFLECTION: What a girl looks at, but is not given to. SAGE: A bloke who knows his onions. SITTING PRETTY: Sitting Bull's gay brother. SNOW JOB: How a woman defrosts her man. SNUFF: Sufficient unto the day. SONATA: A song sung by Frank. SPECIMEN: An Italian astronaut. STALEMATE: A husband who has lost his ardor. TEAR JERKER: A bloke who cries while wanking. TRUE LOVE: An injection with affection to the midsection from a projection without objection. VICE SQUAD: The pussy posse. VICE VERSA: Dirty poetry from Italy. VIRGIN: A girl who whispers sweet nothing doings. VIRGIN: A girl who won't take in what a guy takes out. VIRGIN: Any Hicksville girl who can outrun her brothers. VIRGIN SQUAW: Wouldn't Indian. WELSH RAREBIT: A Cardiff virgin. WET DREAM: A snorgasm. ANTI-CLIMAX: Bore-gasm. CORPORATE VIRGIN: New girl in the office. DESPERATE STRAIGHTS: Sex-starved heterosexuals. GAELIC: An Irish Lesbian. INCEST: Relatively boring. INCEST: A game for the whole family to play. LUBRICATED CONDOMS: Bedroom slippers. MASTURBATION: I-balling. SELF-DECEPTION: Faking an organism during masturbation. [B][COLOR="Red"]____________________[/COLOR][/B] Recently a man had to go to the hospital to have his wedding ring cut off his penis after his mistress found the ring in his pants pocket and got so mad at him she stuck it on him while he was asleep. Which is worse? 1) having your mistress find out you're married. 2) explaining to your wife how your wedding ring got on your penis. 3) Or finding out your penis fits through your wedding ring. So he goes back to play. Several minutes later he comes running back and says, "Mommy, I just saw Daddy talking to the dumbest lady I ever saw and the more and more he talked, the dumber and dumber he got. [B][COLOR="Red"]========[/COLOR][/B] A teenage girl comes home from school and asks her mother. "Is it true what Rita just told me? Babies come out of the same place where boys put their penises?" "Yes, dear," replies her mother, pleased that the subject had finally come up and she wouldn't have to explain it to her daughter. "But then when I have a baby," the teenager pondered, "won't it knock all my teeth out?" [B][COLOR="Red"]========[/COLOR][/B] A little boy walked in on his parents having sex. He sees his mom bouncing up and down on his dad, and he says "Mommy, what are you doing?" She said, "Well, daddy's too fat so I thought I'd try to flatten him out." The boy replied, "Why bother, every Tuesday the maid comes over and blows him back up again!" [B][COLOR="Red"]========[/COLOR][/B] Why is a woman like KFC? ......Because after that succulent breast and tender thighs all your left with is a greasy box to put your bone in!!! [B][COLOR="Teal"]Idiot Jokes[/COLOR][/B] A guy at the bar sits down and sees a beautiful creature sitting at the other end of the bar. He calls the bartender over and says, “Bring me a whiskey, and buy that woman a drink.” The bartender tells him, “Listen, pal. Save your money. She’s a lesbian.” “A lesbian?’ says the guy. “It doesn’t matter. Buy her a drink.” The bartender brings the guy his whiskey and then gets a drink for the woman. Upon receiving her drink the woman looks over at the man, takes a sip, nods her thanks, and then looks away, retuning to her drink. The man calls the bartender over and orders, “Buy her another drink! Whatever she wants!” I’m telling you,” the bartender tries to explain, “You’re wasting your money. She’s a lesbian.” The man insists, and so the bartender gets the woman another drink. She nods her thanks to the guy, but that’s it. This happens five or six more times, but the woman just sits over at the other end of the bar, minding her own business. By now, though, the guy is getting pretty looped, so he goes over to the woman and slurs, “Excuse me, can I ask you something?” The woman replies, “Sure.” “So tell me,” says the guy, “where are from in Lesbia?" There was this man who was just getting married, but he didn't know how to have sex. So he asked his dad, "What do I do?" His dad said, "Take a walkie-talkie with you and I will tell you what to do” So he gets married and carries his newly wed into the honeymoon suite and throws her on the bed. He walks into the other room and calls his dad on the walkie-talkie, "Dad, what do I do?" "Ok, first take off her clothes and start kissing her." So, he does what his dad said. Then he goes into the room and calls him, "Now what?" "Then you start touching her." So he starts to touch her. Then he goes back to the walkie-talkie, "NOW what?" "Ok, son," replies his dad. "Now here comes the best part. Take what you and me BOTH have.... and stick it into her!" So the man runs into the room and sticks the walkie-talkie into her. A guy goes into a bar and tries to pick up on the barmaid. After many advances the barmaid gets fed up and tells him, “Look I'd really love to take you home but I'm on my menstrual cycle.” Not to be discouraged the fellow say’s “that’s all right I'll just follow you in my Hyundai". One day a man was walking in the street. He met another man who asked him what happened to his ears as both were covered with bandages. He said "I was ironing my clothes when the phone bell rang. Instead of picking up the phone, I picked up the iron, and so I burnt my ears". The man asked, "So what happened to your other ear?" He said, " That same stupid guy called again! A man is driving down a road. A woman is driving down the same road from the opposite direction. As they pass each other, the woman leans out the window and yells "PIG!!" The man immediately leans out his window and yells "FUCKING CUNT!!" They each continue on their way, and as the man rounds the next curve, he crashes into a huge pig in the middle of the road. A foolish man is making love. Afterwards he says to the woman, “What’s the matter? Didn’t you like it?” The woman says, “Of course I liked it. What gave you the idea that I didn’t?” “Well,” says the man, “you moved.” [/QUOTE]
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