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JeSt fOr LaUgHs...
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<blockquote data-quote="melody" data-source="post: 1063871064" data-attributes="member: 14320"><p><strong><span style="color: Teal">Chocolate vs. Sex</span></strong></p><p></p><p>1) You can GET chocolate even if you are ugly and fat.</p><p></p><p>2) "If you love me, you'll swallow that" has real meaning with chocolate.</p><p></p><p>3) Chocolate satisfies even when it has gone soft.</p><p></p><p>4) Two People of the same sex can have chocolate without being called nasty names.</p><p></p><p>5) You can make chocolate last as long as you want it to.</p><p></p><p>6) You can have chocolate even in front of your mother.</p><p></p><p>7) If you bite the nuts too hard, the chocolate won't mind.</p><p></p><p>8) You can safely have a chocolate while you are driving.</p><p></p><p>9) The word "commitment" doesn't scare off chocolate.</p><p></p><p>10) You can have chocolate on top of your workbench/desk during working hours without upsetting your co-workers.</p><p></p><p>11) You can have chocolate any time of the month.</p><p></p><p>12) You don't get curly hairs in your mouth with chocolate.</p><p></p><p>13) When you have chocolate it does not keep the neighbors awake.</p><p></p><p>14) You can ask a stranger for chocolate without getting your face slapped.</p><p></p><p>15) You can have as many kinds of chocolate as you can handle.</p><p></p><p>16) You are never too young or too old for chocolate.</p><p></p><p>17) With chocolate there's no need to fake it.</p><p></p><p>18) Chocolate doesn't make you pregnant.</p><p></p><p>19) Good chocolate is easy to find.</p><p></p><p>20) With chocolate, size doesn't matter.</p><p></p><p>21) You can have some dark chocolate if you want something different.</p><p></p><p>22) You can get creme filled chocolate and suck out the creme and swallow it. </p><p></p><p><strong><span style="color: Teal">Condoms</span></strong></p><p></p><p>A young man went into a sex shop to buy some condoms, and a sales girl approached him.</p><p></p><p>Sales girl: Can I help you, Sir?</p><p></p><p>Young man: Yes, I want to buy some condoms.</p><p></p><p>Sales girl: What size do you need, Sir?</p><p></p><p>Young man: I didn't realize they came in different sizes. I don't know what size I would need.</p><p></p><p>Sales girl: May I hold your penis to tell what size you would need?</p><p></p><p>As she was holding the penis, she called for assistance: "Give me a SMALL one... Wait! Make it MEDIUM...Wait! Make it LARGE... Shit! Give me a TISSUE !!!"</p><p><strong><span style="color: Red">----</span></strong></p><p>A blonde and a brunet are getting in the elevator, along comes this really hot guy. The girls noticed he has a really bad dandruff problem. The brunet whispers to the blonde, "Someone should give him head and shoulders", and the blonde says, "How do you give shoulders.</p><p><strong><span style="color: Red">----</span></strong></p><p>Three rich guys were telling each other what kind of antique auto they</p><p>were going to give their girl friends for Christmas. One guy said, "I'm</p><p>going to give my girl a Kaiser and surprise her." The next one said,</p><p>"I'm going to give my girl a Frazier and amaze her." The third guy said,</p><p>"I'm going to give mine a Tucker..."</p><p><strong><span style="color: Red">----</span></strong></p><p>There once was a man from Boston.</p><p>The car he drove was an Austin.</p><p>There was room for his ass</p><p>and a gallon of gas</p><p>but his balls hung out so he lost 'em.</p><p></p><p>There was a young lady of Spain</p><p>Whose face was excessively plain</p><p>But her cunt had a pucker</p><p>That made the men fuck'er</p><p>Again and again and again.</p><p></p><p>There was a young woman of Sydney</p><p>Who could take it clear up to the kidney.</p><p>But the thrust of Alphonse</p><p>Barely reached to her mons</p><p>So he left her unsatisfied, didney?</p><p></p><p><strong><span style="color: Teal">Annual Office Christmas Party</span></strong></p><p></p><p>After the annual office Christmas party, John woke up with a pounding</p><p>headache, cotton-mouthed, and utterly unable to recall the events of</p><p>the preceding evening. After a trip to the bathroom he was able to</p><p>make his way downstairs, where his wife put some coffee in front of</p><p>him.</p><p></p><p>"Louise," he moaned, "tell me what went on last night. Was it as bad</p><p>as I think?"</p><p></p><p>"Oh, Even worse," she assured him, her voice laden with scorn. "You</p><p>made a complete ass of yourself! You succeeded in antagonizing the</p><p>entire board of directors, and insulted the president of the company</p><p>to his face."</p><p></p><p>John looked up and replied, "He's a jerk! Piss on him!"</p><p></p><p>"You did," Louise informed him. "And he immediately fired you."</p><p></p><p>"Well screw him and his whole board of directors," growled John.</p><p></p><p>Louise quickly remarked, "John, I'm really glad you feel that way...</p><p>because I did! You're back to work on Monday."</p><p></p><p><strong><span style="color: Red">----</span></strong></p><p></p><p>Q. Why can't lesbians diet and wear make-up at the same time?</p><p>A. Cuz they can't eat Jenny Craig with Mary Kay on their face.</p><p>Said a specialty hooker named Jean,</p><p>Who made the Jacuzzi her scene,</p><p>"A rub-a-dub-dub,</p><p>Three men in a tub</p><p>Not only come close, they come clean.'</p><p></p><p><strong><span style="color: Red">----</span></strong></p><p></p><p>An elderly couple, who were both widowed, had been going out with</p><p>each other for quite a long time. Urged on by their friends, they</p><p>decided it was finally time to get married.</p><p></p><p>Before the wedding, they went out to dinner and had a long</p><p>conversation regarding how their marriage might work. They discussed</p><p></p><p>finances, living arrangements and so on.</p><p></p><p>Finally, the old gentleman decided it was time to broach the subject</p><p></p><p>of their physical relationship. 'How do you feel about Sex?' he</p><p>asked, rather tentatively.</p><p></p><p>'I would like it infrequently' she replied.</p><p></p><p>The old gentleman sat quietly for a moment, adjusted his glasses,</p><p>then leaned over towards her and whispered; 'Is that one word or</p><p>two?'</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="melody, post: 1063871064, member: 14320"] [B][COLOR="Teal"]Chocolate vs. Sex[/COLOR][/B] 1) You can GET chocolate even if you are ugly and fat. 2) "If you love me, you'll swallow that" has real meaning with chocolate. 3) Chocolate satisfies even when it has gone soft. 4) Two People of the same sex can have chocolate without being called nasty names. 5) You can make chocolate last as long as you want it to. 6) You can have chocolate even in front of your mother. 7) If you bite the nuts too hard, the chocolate won't mind. 8) You can safely have a chocolate while you are driving. 9) The word "commitment" doesn't scare off chocolate. 10) You can have chocolate on top of your workbench/desk during working hours without upsetting your co-workers. 11) You can have chocolate any time of the month. 12) You don't get curly hairs in your mouth with chocolate. 13) When you have chocolate it does not keep the neighbors awake. 14) You can ask a stranger for chocolate without getting your face slapped. 15) You can have as many kinds of chocolate as you can handle. 16) You are never too young or too old for chocolate. 17) With chocolate there's no need to fake it. 18) Chocolate doesn't make you pregnant. 19) Good chocolate is easy to find. 20) With chocolate, size doesn't matter. 21) You can have some dark chocolate if you want something different. 22) You can get creme filled chocolate and suck out the creme and swallow it. [B][COLOR="Teal"]Condoms[/COLOR][/B] A young man went into a sex shop to buy some condoms, and a sales girl approached him. Sales girl: Can I help you, Sir? Young man: Yes, I want to buy some condoms. Sales girl: What size do you need, Sir? Young man: I didn't realize they came in different sizes. I don't know what size I would need. Sales girl: May I hold your penis to tell what size you would need? As she was holding the penis, she called for assistance: "Give me a SMALL one... Wait! Make it MEDIUM...Wait! Make it LARGE... Shit! Give me a TISSUE !!!" [B][COLOR="Red"]----[/COLOR][/B] A blonde and a brunet are getting in the elevator, along comes this really hot guy. The girls noticed he has a really bad dandruff problem. The brunet whispers to the blonde, "Someone should give him head and shoulders", and the blonde says, "How do you give shoulders. [B][COLOR="Red"]----[/COLOR][/B] Three rich guys were telling each other what kind of antique auto they were going to give their girl friends for Christmas. One guy said, "I'm going to give my girl a Kaiser and surprise her." The next one said, "I'm going to give my girl a Frazier and amaze her." The third guy said, "I'm going to give mine a Tucker..." [B][COLOR="Red"]----[/COLOR][/B] There once was a man from Boston. The car he drove was an Austin. There was room for his ass and a gallon of gas but his balls hung out so he lost 'em. There was a young lady of Spain Whose face was excessively plain But her cunt had a pucker That made the men fuck'er Again and again and again. There was a young woman of Sydney Who could take it clear up to the kidney. But the thrust of Alphonse Barely reached to her mons So he left her unsatisfied, didney? [B][COLOR="Teal"]Annual Office Christmas Party[/COLOR][/B] After the annual office Christmas party, John woke up with a pounding headache, cotton-mouthed, and utterly unable to recall the events of the preceding evening. After a trip to the bathroom he was able to make his way downstairs, where his wife put some coffee in front of him. "Louise," he moaned, "tell me what went on last night. Was it as bad as I think?" "Oh, Even worse," she assured him, her voice laden with scorn. "You made a complete ass of yourself! You succeeded in antagonizing the entire board of directors, and insulted the president of the company to his face." John looked up and replied, "He's a jerk! Piss on him!" "You did," Louise informed him. "And he immediately fired you." "Well screw him and his whole board of directors," growled John. Louise quickly remarked, "John, I'm really glad you feel that way... because I did! You're back to work on Monday." [B][COLOR="Red"]----[/COLOR][/B] Q. Why can't lesbians diet and wear make-up at the same time? A. Cuz they can't eat Jenny Craig with Mary Kay on their face. Said a specialty hooker named Jean, Who made the Jacuzzi her scene, "A rub-a-dub-dub, Three men in a tub Not only come close, they come clean.' [B][COLOR="Red"]----[/COLOR][/B] An elderly couple, who were both widowed, had been going out with each other for quite a long time. Urged on by their friends, they decided it was finally time to get married. Before the wedding, they went out to dinner and had a long conversation regarding how their marriage might work. They discussed finances, living arrangements and so on. Finally, the old gentleman decided it was time to broach the subject of their physical relationship. 'How do you feel about Sex?' he asked, rather tentatively. 'I would like it infrequently' she replied. The old gentleman sat quietly for a moment, adjusted his glasses, then leaned over towards her and whispered; 'Is that one word or two?' [/QUOTE]
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