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Message: <blockquote data-quote="melody" data-source="post: 1063875172" data-attributes="member: 14320">Seedy, Seedy, Seedy!!This seedy looking girl walked into a seedy looking bar. Acouple of seedy looking customers stood at the other end."Gimme a Rheingold," she said.She took the glass of beer and swallowed it with one gulp. Then shefell to the floor in a dead faint."Come, give me a hand," the bartender called to the two seedylooking customers. The two men helped the bartender carry her into theback room and laid her on the bed. One of the seedy men glanced aroundand said, "Listen. Nobody'll know. How about we all give her a quickfuck?"They did just that. An hour or so later, she came to and said,"Where am I? What time is it? I've got to get home." And out she went.Next afternoon, there were six men hanging around the bar when thesame girl came in, walked up to the bartender and said, "Gimme aRheingold."She drank it down in one gulp and then fell to the floor in a deadfaint.The men carried her to the back room and the fucking performance wasrepeated, except that now there were seven, includingthe bartender.The next day when she came in, there were twenty-four men, allwaiting around."Gimme a Rheingold," she said. She swallowed it in one gulp, fellto the floor in a dead faint, and was carried to the back room, where alltwenty-four men fucked her.When she arrived on the fourth day, the word had really gottenaround, and there were more than seventy seedy men in the bar, waitingeagerly with lustful eyes and eager cocks. As she walked up to the baron this fourth day, the bartender pushed a glass of beer toward her."You want your Rheingold, Miss?" he said."No," she said. "You better give me a Schlitz. That Rheingoldmakes my pussy hurt."99999Viagra For The OldThis elderly lady went to the doctor for a check-up.Everything checked out fine. The old lady pulled the doctor to the side and said, "Doctor, I haven't had sex for years now, and I was wondering how I can increase my husband's sex drive."The doctor smiled and said, "Have you tried to give him Viagra?"The lady frowned. "Doctor, I can't even get him to take aspirin when he has a headache," she claimed."Well," the doctor continued, "let me suggest something. Crush the Viagra into a powder. When you are giving him coffee, stir it into the coffee and serve it. He won't notice a thing."The old lady was delighted. She left the doctor's office quickly.Weeks later the old lady returned. She was frowning and the doctor asked her what was wrong. She shook her head."How did it go?" the doctor asked."Terribly, doctor, terribly.""Did it not work?""Yes," the old lady said, "It worked. I did as you said and he got up and ripped his clothes off right then and there and we made mad love on the table. It was the best sex that I'd had in 25 years.""Then what is the problem, ma'am?""Well," she said. "I can't ever show my face in McDonald's again."The Original Dictionary Of Obscure Sexual Terms:Angry Dragon -- Immediately after you blow your load in a girl's mouth, smack the back of her head and make it come out her nose. When she gets up she'll look like an angry dragon.Arabian Goggles -- A "seldom-seen" maneuver when you put your testicles over her eye sockets while getting head. (Picture it: ass on forehead) It may be anatomically impossible, but what the fuck else is new.The Bait N' Tackle -- The sailors used this one in the old Navy days. Before you go off for a long, lonely voyage, get yourself a tall jar and fill it completely with earthworms. When you get lonely, open the jar and fuck away. The earthworms will provide some slithery stimulation, and your protein load will keep them nicely fed. Gone fishing!Ballsacking -- Takes some luck of the gene pool, but if you're able to do it, always great fun. While you are straddling her, take your nutsack and spread it out over her face like pizza dough.Bear Claw -- A synonym for extremely large pussy lips.Beef Curtain -- The shanked out remains of the labia after being stretched like Play-Doh from an hour or so of jimmy-jam.Beer Dick -- This is what most guys get after a good night of drinking. They tend to fuck anything with a pussy while experiencing beer dick.Blumpy -- You need to find a real tramp to do this right. It involves having her sucking you off while you are on the shitter.The Bronco -- You start by going doggy style and then just when she is really enjoying it, you grab her tits as tight as possible and yell another girls name. This gives you the feeling of riding a wild bronco as she desperately tries to buck you off.Brown Bagging It -- Sometimes you meet a girl with a body like there's no tomorrow but a face like a mangy dog. Don't let that body go to waste and let her hideousness stop you from fucking her though. Just draw the smiley face on a brown paper bag, place it over her head, and fuck away while keeping your composure and piece of mind.Brown Necktie -- You're about halfway through ass-wrecking a chick, and instead of filling up her keister with your demonseed, you pull out and proceed to tittie fuck her, leaving a brown streak between the funbags.Brunski -- When a man puts his face between a woman's breasts and quickly moves his head back and forth while saying "Brunski" in a very drawn out and exaggerated manner. (There are many other variant names.)The Bullwinkle -- The sign given to a friend in hiding while doggie styling' some chick. It is performed by placing both hands over the head, with palms facing out and waving wildly. Can be supplemented by shouting "Hey Rocky." (Make sure to use appropriate Bullwinkle voice tone.)Butter Face -- When you see a chick with an awesome body, "but her face", is nasty.The Canine Special -- Liberally apply peanut butter to your dick and call over the family dog. Lick Ubu lick. Good Dog. Arf!The Carpet Cleaner -- While banging a girl doggy style, tie her arms behind her back, lift up her hips, and run around the room pushing her face first across the carpet. Not recommended with large women.The Chili Dog -- When you take a hot dump on a girl's tits and then proceed to titty fuck her.Chocolate Pizza -- Happily discovering hemorrhoids while eating a shitty brown eye.Cleveland Steamer -- The act of leaving a shit stain on the rib cage of a woman while receiving penile pleasure from friction between the mammaries.Cock-Stuffing -- Apparently somewhat on the fringe in gay circles, but involves using thin, cylindrical items (thermometers, wire, rubber worms, etc.), and inserting them into the dick hole. Over many months, continue to gradually ream out the hole-at-the-head with larger items, thus ultimately allowing your "buddy" to obtain the goal of fucking your urethra. Wow!Cold Lunch -- The act of vomiting directly onto some chick's head while she's performing fellatio.The Concoction -- First, ejaculate all over the floor. Next, have your psycho bitch girlfriend menstruate on your semen. Stir it with your finger until you get a nice thick pink mixture. Proceed to paint yourselves up silly, just as if you were in kindergarten again.Cop's Delight -- The act of taking a girl in the ass, pulling out, and spewing all over her "pastry buns", thus transforming her rump into the allusion of an over sized, quivering glazed donut.The Corkscrew -- Cross your fingers, middle over index. Twist your wrist back and forth and go to work on your desired orifice. With practice, you'll have the effectiveness of a dill press and within weeks you'll be able to bore through wood.The TRUE Story Of Jack And Jill.Jack and Jill went up the hill to fetch a pail of water.Jack pulled down his pants.Jill said, "What's that?"Jack said, "I don't know."Jill pulled down her pants andJack said "EWE!! What's that?"Jill said, "I don't know."And then they went home.Later on, Jill went to her momand pulled down her pants.Jill said, "mommy, what is that?"and her mom said,"that's your garage,never ever let a car park on your garage."Jack went to his dad and pulled down his pants.Jack said, "daddy, what's this?"His dad said"That's your car,don't park a car in anyone's garage till you're older."The next day Jack and Jill went up the hill again.Jack pulled down his pants and Jill said,"Ewe, what IS that?Jack said, "That's my car,I'm not supposed to park my car in anyone's garage."Jill pulled down her pants and Jack said"Ewe, what IS that?Jill said, " that's my garage,I'm not so posed to let any car park in my garage."And then they went home.Jill's mom saw Jill come in and askedwhy she had blood all over her hands.Jill says, "Jack tried to park his carin my garage so I ripped off his back tires!!"@@@This boy just takes his girlfriend back to her home after being out together and when they reach the front door he leans with one hand on the wall and says to her, "Sweetie, why don't you give me a blowjob?""What? You're crazy???!!!" "Don't worry, it will be quick, no problem.""No!! Someone may see; a relative, a neighbor...""At this time of the night no one will show up.""I've already said NO, and NO!""Honey, it's just a small blowie... I know you like it too.""NO!!! I've said NO!!!""My love.. don't be like that.."At this moment the younger sister shows up at the door in her night gown with hair totally in disorder, rubbing her eyes and says."Dad says either you have to blow him, I have to blow him, or he will comedown and give the guy a blowjob himself, but for God's sake to tell your boyfriend to take his hand off the intercom!"SonofabitchThere was this guy sitting on a park bench muttering to himself andspitting.He would mutter, then spit, mutter, then spit, he would say, "Damn,that sonofabitch can drive", then spit, "Damn, that sonofabitch candrive", then spit, "Damn that sonofabitch can drive"... then spit.A man sits down next to him and asks him, "What's going on here? Youkeep saying, "Damn that sonofabitch can drive, then you spit.""Well," says the guy, "my friend just got a brand new sports car, sohe calls me and asks me if I want to go for a ride.So, I say sure, why not?He picks me up and we drive up to the mountains.After wehave lunch, we start back down the mountain and his brakes go out!!He's pumping the pedal, and nothing!! So now we're picking up speedand the road is all twisty and curvy.We're going faster and faster,and it's hard to stay on the road.I've got my fingers embedded inthe dashboard, and I'm pleading with him to do something!!We'regoing about 90 mph now, with a sheer cliff on our right, a 500 footdrop on the other side, an 18 wheeler truck right on our butts, and anoverturned motor home right in front of us.Well, I figure this isit! I just knew we were gonna die! So I turned to him and said,"Buddy, if you can get us outta this, I'll give you the best damn blowjob you've ever had!"He paused ... then spit. "DAMN, THAT SON OF A BITCH CAN **DRIVE**!!"======A pianist was hired to play background music for a movie. When it was completed he asked when and where he could see the picture. The producer sheepishly confessed that it was actually a porno film and it was due out in a month.A month later, the musician went to a porno theatre to see it. With his collar up and dark glasses on, he took a seat in the back row, next to a couple who also seemed to be in disguise.The movie was even raunchier than he had feared, featuring group sex, S/M and even a dog.After a while, the embarrassed pianist turned to the couple and said, "I'm only here to listen to the music.""Yeah?" replied the man. "We're only here to see our dog."</blockquote>

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