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<blockquote data-quote="melody" data-source="post: 1063895764" data-attributes="member: 14320"><p><strong><span style="color: Teal">Police Jokes</span></strong></p><p></p><p>A male driver is pulled over by a cop and the following conversation takes place:</p><p></p><p>Man: What's the problem officer?</p><p></p><p>Cop: You were going at least 75 in a 55 zone.</p><p></p><p>Man: No sir, I was going 65.</p><p></p><p>Wife: Oh Peter. You were going 80.</p><p></p><p>(Man gives his wife a dirty look.)</p><p></p><p>Cop: I'm also going to give you a ticket for your broken tail light.</p><p></p><p>Man: Broken tail light? I didn't know about a broken tail light!</p><p></p><p>Wife: Oh Peter, you've known about that tail light for weeks.</p><p></p><p>(Man gives his wife a dirty look.)</p><p></p><p>Cop: I'm also going to give you a citation for not wearing your seat belt.</p><p></p><p>Man: Oh, I just took it off when you were walking up to the car.</p><p></p><p>Wife: Oh Peter, you never wear your seat belt.</p><p></p><p>Man: Shut your mouth, woman!</p><p></p><p>Cop: Ma'am, does your husband always talk to you this way?</p><p></p><p>Wife: No, only when he's drunk.</p><p><strong><span style="color: Red">______</span></strong></p><p></p><p>A guy is out one night with his girlfriend and they’re driving eighty miles an hour in his new sports car. She leans over to him, opens his fly, and reaches in. Suddenly a deer jumps in front of the car. He turns the wheel and finally comes to a rest. When the police get to the scene, the guy is still buckled in and alive. The cop says, “Your girlfriend was thrown from the car and killed. You sure are lucky.” “Lucky? Go look in her hand!”</p><p><strong><span style="color: Red">______</span></strong></p><p></p><p>A very successful lawyer parked his brand-new Jaguar XK-8 in front of the office, ready to show it off to his colleagues. As he got out, a truck came along, too close to the curb, and completely tore off the driver's door of the Jag. The counselor immediately grabbed his cell phone and dialed 911. In less than five minutes, a policeman pulled up. Before the cop had a chance to ask any questions, the lawyer started screaming hysterically. His Jag, which he had just picked up the day before, was now completely ruined and would never be the same, no matter how the body shop tried to make it new again. After the lawyer finally wound down from his ranting, the cop shook his head in disgust and disbelief. I can't believe how materialistic you high rolling' lawyers are, he said. You are so focused on your possessions that you don't notice anything else. How can you say such a thing? asked the lawyer. The cop replied, didn’t you know that your left arm is missing from the elbow down? It must have been torn off when the truck hit you. OH MY GOD, screamed the lawyer, My Rolex!!!!</p><p><strong><span style="color: Red">_________</span></strong></p><p><strong><span style="color: Red"></span></strong></p><p>Father O'Grady was saying his goodbye's to the parishioners after his Sunday morning service as he always does when Mary Clancey came up to him in tears.</p><p>What's bothering you so, dear? inquired Farther O'Grady.</p><p>Oh, father, I've got terrible news. Replied Mary.</p><p>Well what is it, Mary? Well, my husband, passed away last night, Father.</p><p>Oh, Mary said the father, that's terrible.</p><p>Tell me Mary, did he have any last requests?</p><p>Well, yes he did father, replied Mary.</p><p>What did he ask, Mary?</p><p>Mary replied, He said, 'Please, Mary, put down the gun...'</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="melody, post: 1063895764, member: 14320"] [B][COLOR="Teal"]Police Jokes[/COLOR][/B] A male driver is pulled over by a cop and the following conversation takes place: Man: What's the problem officer? Cop: You were going at least 75 in a 55 zone. Man: No sir, I was going 65. Wife: Oh Peter. You were going 80. (Man gives his wife a dirty look.) Cop: I'm also going to give you a ticket for your broken tail light. Man: Broken tail light? I didn't know about a broken tail light! Wife: Oh Peter, you've known about that tail light for weeks. (Man gives his wife a dirty look.) Cop: I'm also going to give you a citation for not wearing your seat belt. Man: Oh, I just took it off when you were walking up to the car. Wife: Oh Peter, you never wear your seat belt. Man: Shut your mouth, woman! Cop: Ma'am, does your husband always talk to you this way? Wife: No, only when he's drunk. [B][COLOR="Red"]______[/COLOR][/B] A guy is out one night with his girlfriend and they’re driving eighty miles an hour in his new sports car. She leans over to him, opens his fly, and reaches in. Suddenly a deer jumps in front of the car. He turns the wheel and finally comes to a rest. When the police get to the scene, the guy is still buckled in and alive. The cop says, “Your girlfriend was thrown from the car and killed. You sure are lucky.” “Lucky? Go look in her hand!” [B][COLOR="Red"]______[/COLOR][/B] A very successful lawyer parked his brand-new Jaguar XK-8 in front of the office, ready to show it off to his colleagues. As he got out, a truck came along, too close to the curb, and completely tore off the driver's door of the Jag. The counselor immediately grabbed his cell phone and dialed 911. In less than five minutes, a policeman pulled up. Before the cop had a chance to ask any questions, the lawyer started screaming hysterically. His Jag, which he had just picked up the day before, was now completely ruined and would never be the same, no matter how the body shop tried to make it new again. After the lawyer finally wound down from his ranting, the cop shook his head in disgust and disbelief. I can't believe how materialistic you high rolling' lawyers are, he said. You are so focused on your possessions that you don't notice anything else. How can you say such a thing? asked the lawyer. The cop replied, didn’t you know that your left arm is missing from the elbow down? It must have been torn off when the truck hit you. OH MY GOD, screamed the lawyer, My Rolex!!!! [B][COLOR="Red"]_________ [/COLOR][/B] Father O'Grady was saying his goodbye's to the parishioners after his Sunday morning service as he always does when Mary Clancey came up to him in tears. What's bothering you so, dear? inquired Farther O'Grady. Oh, father, I've got terrible news. Replied Mary. Well what is it, Mary? Well, my husband, passed away last night, Father. Oh, Mary said the father, that's terrible. Tell me Mary, did he have any last requests? Well, yes he did father, replied Mary. What did he ask, Mary? Mary replied, He said, 'Please, Mary, put down the gun...' [/QUOTE]
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