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<blockquote data-quote="melody" data-source="post: 1063902563" data-attributes="member: 14320"><p><strong><span style="color: Teal">If Men Wrote The Dear Abby Column...</span></strong></p><p></p><p>Dear Mr. Abby:</p><p></p><p>Q: My husband wants a threesome with my best friend and me.</p><p>A: Obviously your husband cannot get enough of you! Knowing that there is only one of you, he can only settle for the next best thing...your best friend. Far from being an issue, this can only bring you closer together. Why not get some of your old college roommates involved too? If you are still apprehensive, maybe you should let him be with your friends without you. If you're still not sure then just perform oral sex on him and cook him a nice meal while you think about it.</p><p></p><p>Q: My husband continually asks me to perform oral sex on him.</p><p>A: Do it. Semen can help you lose weight and gives a great glow to your skin. Interestingly, men know this. His offer to allow you to perform oral sex on him is totally selfless. This shows he loves you. The best thing to do is to thank him by performing it twice a day: then cook him a nice meal.</p><p></p><p>Q: My husband has too many nights out with the boys.</p><p>A: This is perfectly natural behavior and it should be encouraged. The man is a hunter and he needs to prove his prowess with other men. A night out chasing young single girls is great stress relief and can foster a more peaceful and relaxing home. Remember, nothing can rekindle your relationship better than the man being away for a day or two (it's great time to clean the house too!) Just look at how emotional and happy he is when he returns to his stable home. The best thing to do when he returns home is for you and your best friend to perform oral sex on him. Then cook him a nice meal.</p><p></p><p>Q: My husband doesn't know where my clitoris is.</p><p>A: Your clitoris is of no concern to your husband. If you must mess with it do it on your own time or ask your best friend to help. You may wish to videotape yourself while doing this, and present it to your husband as a birthday gift. To ease your selfish guilt, perform oral sex on him and cook him a delicious meal.</p><p></p><p>Q: My husband is uninterested in foreplay.</p><p>A: You are a bad person for bringing it up and should seek sensitivity training. Foreplay to man is very stressful and time consuming. Sex should be available to your husband on demand with no pesky requests for foreplay. What this means is that you do not love your man as much as you should. He should never have to work to get you in the mood. Stop being so selfish! Perhaps you can make it up to him by performing oral sex on him and cooking him a nice meal.</p><p></p><p>Q: My husband always has an orgasm and then rolls over and goes to sleep without giving me one.</p><p>A: I'm not sure I understand the problem. Perhaps you've forgotten to cook him a nice meal.</p><p>**********</p><p>A fraternity brother confronted a junior member, telling him, "A</p><p>sorority girl is running around campus telling people you have a</p><p>small dick." "Yeah?" the junior member replied. "Well, she has a big</p><p>mouth."</p><p></p><p><strong><span style="color: Teal">The Miner</span></strong></p><p></p><p>A miner comes out of the hills, enters a bar, orders a drink. Looking</p><p>around, he asks the bartender, "Hey, where're all the wimmin?"</p><p></p><p>The Barman replies, "Ain't no wimmin here, not fer a long time."</p><p></p><p>"Well what do y'all do?"</p><p></p><p>"We do it with the animals."</p><p></p><p>Thoroughly disgusted, he ordered another drink and headed back to the</p><p>hills.</p><p></p><p>Months later, same story... After downing too many whiskeys he asked the</p><p>bartender, "You're sure you do it with the animals?"</p><p></p><p>"Yes, we do, sir"</p><p></p><p>Hearing this, he raced into the street and saw a pig run into an alley.</p><p>He chased after it and started having his way with it, the pig</p><p>squealing. After a while he heard a noise behind him. He turned to look</p><p>and saw half the town, horrified.</p><p></p><p>The bartender was in front and said, "My God, man, what are you doing?"</p><p></p><p>"I thought you said you all did it with the animals."</p><p></p><p>"Yeah, but no one fucks the sheriff's broad!"</p><p><strong><span style="color: Red">**********</span></strong></p><p>Mirror, mirror on the wall</p><p>Who's the fairest of them all?</p><p>The mirror answered with a grunt</p><p>It's sure not you, you ugly cunt</p><p><strong><span style="color: Red">**********</span></strong></p><p>How many male chauvinists does it take to change a light bulb?</p><p>None. Let her do the dishes in the dark.</p><p>What is the difference between your wife and your job?</p><p>After five years your job still sucks.</p><p>Why did God create lesbians?</p><p>So feminists couldn't breed.</p><p>What's the difference between your bonus and your dick?</p><p>You don't have to beg a woman to blow your bonus.</p><p>How many men does it take to fix a vacuum cleaner?</p><p>Why the hell should we fix it? We don't use the damn thing.</p><p>What's 6 inches long, 2 inches wide and drives women wild?</p><p>A $100 bill.</p><p>Why did the woman cross the road?</p><p>Who cares - what was she doing out of the kitchen anyway?</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="melody, post: 1063902563, member: 14320"] [B][COLOR="Teal"]If Men Wrote The Dear Abby Column...[/COLOR][/B] Dear Mr. Abby: Q: My husband wants a threesome with my best friend and me. A: Obviously your husband cannot get enough of you! Knowing that there is only one of you, he can only settle for the next best thing...your best friend. Far from being an issue, this can only bring you closer together. Why not get some of your old college roommates involved too? If you are still apprehensive, maybe you should let him be with your friends without you. If you're still not sure then just perform oral sex on him and cook him a nice meal while you think about it. Q: My husband continually asks me to perform oral sex on him. A: Do it. Semen can help you lose weight and gives a great glow to your skin. Interestingly, men know this. His offer to allow you to perform oral sex on him is totally selfless. This shows he loves you. The best thing to do is to thank him by performing it twice a day: then cook him a nice meal. Q: My husband has too many nights out with the boys. A: This is perfectly natural behavior and it should be encouraged. The man is a hunter and he needs to prove his prowess with other men. A night out chasing young single girls is great stress relief and can foster a more peaceful and relaxing home. Remember, nothing can rekindle your relationship better than the man being away for a day or two (it's great time to clean the house too!) Just look at how emotional and happy he is when he returns to his stable home. The best thing to do when he returns home is for you and your best friend to perform oral sex on him. Then cook him a nice meal. Q: My husband doesn't know where my clitoris is. A: Your clitoris is of no concern to your husband. If you must mess with it do it on your own time or ask your best friend to help. You may wish to videotape yourself while doing this, and present it to your husband as a birthday gift. To ease your selfish guilt, perform oral sex on him and cook him a delicious meal. Q: My husband is uninterested in foreplay. A: You are a bad person for bringing it up and should seek sensitivity training. Foreplay to man is very stressful and time consuming. Sex should be available to your husband on demand with no pesky requests for foreplay. What this means is that you do not love your man as much as you should. He should never have to work to get you in the mood. Stop being so selfish! Perhaps you can make it up to him by performing oral sex on him and cooking him a nice meal. Q: My husband always has an orgasm and then rolls over and goes to sleep without giving me one. A: I'm not sure I understand the problem. Perhaps you've forgotten to cook him a nice meal. ********** A fraternity brother confronted a junior member, telling him, "A sorority girl is running around campus telling people you have a small dick." "Yeah?" the junior member replied. "Well, she has a big mouth." [B][COLOR="Teal"]The Miner[/COLOR][/B] A miner comes out of the hills, enters a bar, orders a drink. Looking around, he asks the bartender, "Hey, where're all the wimmin?" The Barman replies, "Ain't no wimmin here, not fer a long time." "Well what do y'all do?" "We do it with the animals." Thoroughly disgusted, he ordered another drink and headed back to the hills. Months later, same story... After downing too many whiskeys he asked the bartender, "You're sure you do it with the animals?" "Yes, we do, sir" Hearing this, he raced into the street and saw a pig run into an alley. He chased after it and started having his way with it, the pig squealing. After a while he heard a noise behind him. He turned to look and saw half the town, horrified. The bartender was in front and said, "My God, man, what are you doing?" "I thought you said you all did it with the animals." "Yeah, but no one fucks the sheriff's broad!" [B][COLOR="Red"]**********[/COLOR][/B] Mirror, mirror on the wall Who's the fairest of them all? The mirror answered with a grunt It's sure not you, you ugly cunt [B][COLOR="Red"]**********[/COLOR][/B] How many male chauvinists does it take to change a light bulb? None. Let her do the dishes in the dark. What is the difference between your wife and your job? After five years your job still sucks. Why did God create lesbians? So feminists couldn't breed. What's the difference between your bonus and your dick? You don't have to beg a woman to blow your bonus. How many men does it take to fix a vacuum cleaner? Why the hell should we fix it? We don't use the damn thing. What's 6 inches long, 2 inches wide and drives women wild? A $100 bill. Why did the woman cross the road? Who cares - what was she doing out of the kitchen anyway? [/QUOTE]
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