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Message: <blockquote data-quote="melody" data-source="post: 1063902988" data-attributes="member: 14320">Bath TowelA woman gets out of the bath and puts on a towel. Her husband comes into the bathroom to go to the toilet. The doorbell rings. The woman goes to answer it wearing only the towel. She opens the door to find her next door neighbor Bob standing on the doorstep. Bob wolf whistles and says 'I'll give you $200 if you drop the towel'. The woman doesn't want to miss out on $200, so she drops the towel. Bob takes a good look at the naked woman then says his goodbyes and leaves. As the woman closes the door her husband comes down stairs. 'Who was th at?' He asks. 'It was Bob' She says. 'Oh right, did he give you that $200 that he owes me?'()()()()()A wise man once said you should treat your woman like a vacuum cleaner........Once she stops sucking......Change the fucking bagBloke wants his 70 year old wife dead. He asks a hitman how he would do it. He says "I would shoot herbelow the left nipple" Bloke says "I want her dead, not fucking knee capped!"Whats the difference between PMS and CJD ??One attacks the cow's brain and sends it fucking mental, the other is an agricultural problem.What does a 9 volt battery and a womans asshole have in common ??You know it's wrong but sooner or later you are going to touch it with your tongue!!A man says to his wife "I had a wet dream about you last night""Aww did you ?" wife replies. "Yeah, I dreamt you were hit by a bus and pissed myself laughing"Man goes into brothel in Amsterdam and asks the madam for the fattest bird with the saggiest tits and a minge like a ripped out old fireplace, the madam says "feeling kinky sir?""No" replies the man, "just fucking homesick" !Mick says to Paddy "close your curtains next time you make love to your wife, all the neighbors were laughing at you yesterday... "well" said paddy, "the laugh is on them because I wasn't fucking in yesterday!"This years strawberry picking contest has been won by a woman with NO legs !!!.............Jammy cunt.A family are driving behind a dustcart when a dildo flies out and hits their windscreen. Embarrassed and to protect her young sons innocence, the woman says it was an insect, to which one of the boys replied "I'm surprised it can fly with a cock like that!" A New MotorcycleSteve is shopping for a new motorcycle. He finally finds one for a great price, but it's missing a seal, so whenever it rains, he has to smear Vaseline over the spot where the seal should be.His girlfriend is having him over for dinner to meet her parents. He rides his new bike to her house, where she is outside waiting for him. "No matter what happens at dinner tonight, don't say a word." She tells him, "Our family had a fight awhile ago about doing dishes. We haven't done any since, but the first person to speak at dinner has to do them."Steve sits down for dinner and it is just how she described it. Dishes are piled up to the ceiling in the kitchen, and nobody is saying a word. So Steve decides to have a little fun. He grabs his girlfriend, throws her on the table and has sex with her in front of her parents. His girlfriend is a little flustered, her dad is obviously livid, and her mom horrified when he sits back down, but no one says a word.A few minutes later he grabs her mom, throws her on the table, and does a repeat performance. Now his girlfriend is furious, her dad is boiling, and her mother is a little happier. But still there is complete silence at the table.All of a sudden there is a loud clap of thunder, and it starts to rain. Steve remembers his motorcycle. He jumps up and grabs his jar of Vaseline. When he witnesses this, his girlfriend's father backs away from the table and screams, "Okay, enough already, I'll do the fucking dishes!"======A camel and an elephant meet.The elephant asked the camel:"Why do you have your breasts on your back?"The camel, clearly irritated, replies:"What a silly question from someone who has a dick on his face."======Why did it take so long for Lorena Bobbitt to throw the dick outthe window?She didn't have the balls.</blockquote>