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<blockquote data-quote="melody" data-source="post: 1063915065" data-attributes="member: 14320"><p><strong><span style="color: Teal">Top 10 Things Not To Say To Your Girlfriends Parents</span></strong></p><p></p><p>10. Gee, Pops, you're not nearly as big an asshole as your daughter said</p><p>you are.</p><p>9. Wazzzaaaaap!</p><p>8. The water in your toilet tastes funny.</p><p>7.You got a spoon and a lighter I can borrow? I left mine at home.</p><p>6. No... No... It's OK. I kinda like it when your dog humps my leg.</p><p>5. Your daughter is attractive, but have you seen the tits on her friend Joanne?</p><p>4. Hi, Mr. Jones. I'm Bob. This is Chuck, George, Steve and the midget</p><p>is Sam. Is Sally ready?</p><p>3. (While honking horn in driveway) Hey! I'm waiting out hear! Send the bitch out!</p><p>2. You should be proud, Mr. And</p><p>Mrs. Smith, you've raised a good girl. I can't get her to blow me no matter what I say.</p><p></p><p>And the number 1 thing not to say when you meet your girlfriend's</p><p>parents for the first time:</p><p></p><p>1. Man, living under the same roof with a piece of ass like that, I bet you wish you were anyone else but her father.</p><p></p><p></p><p>These two guys meet after not having seen each other for many,</p><p>many years. First guy asks the second guy,</p><p></p><p>"How have things been going?"</p><p></p><p>The second guy, speaking very slowly tells the first guy,</p><p></p><p>"I was almost married."</p><p></p><p>The first guy says in amazement,</p><p></p><p>"Hey, you don't stutter any more."</p><p></p><p>The answer comes, "Yes, I went to a doctor and</p><p>he told me that if I speak slowly I</p><p>will not stutter."</p><p></p><p>The first friend congratulates him and than asks again about how</p><p>he was almost married.</p><p></p><p>"Well, my fiancee and I were sitting on</p><p>her porch and the dog was scratching his</p><p>back and I told her that when we are</p><p>married, she can do that for me. And then</p><p>she threw the ring in my face."</p><p></p><p>"Why should she throw the ring in your face for that?" asks the</p><p>first friend.</p><p></p><p>"Well, I speak so slowly, that by the</p><p>time she looked at the dog, he was</p><p>licking his balls!" </p><p></p><p><strong><span style="color: Teal">Learn Chinese in 5 Minutes</span></strong></p><p></p><p>English: He's cleaning his automobile</p><p>Chinese: Wa Shing Ka</p><p>English: This is a tow away zone</p><p>Chinese: No Pah King</p><p>English: Is there a fugitive here?</p><p>Chinese: Hu Yu Hai Ding?</p><p>English: Small Horse</p><p>Chinese: Tai Ni Po Ni</p><p>English: Your price is too high!!!</p><p>Chinese: No Bai Nut Ding!!!</p><p>English: Did you go to the beach?</p><p>Chinese: Wai Yu So Tan?</p><p>English: I bumped into a coffee table</p><p>Chinese: Ai Bang Mai Ni</p><p>English: It's very dark in here</p><p>Chinese: Wai So Dim?</p><p>English: Has your flight been delayed?</p><p>Chinese: Hao Long Wei Ting?</p><p>English: I thought you were on a diet?</p><p>Chinese: Wai Yu Mun Ching?</p><p>English: They have arrived</p><p>Chinese: Hai Dei Kum</p><p>English: Your body odor is offensive</p><p>Chinese: Yu Stin Ki Pu</p><p>English: You know lyrics to the Macarena?</p><p>Chinese: Wai Yu Sing Dum Song?</p><p>English: I got this for free</p><p>Chinese: Ai No Pei</p><p>English: Stay out of sight</p><p>Chinese: Lei Lo</p><p>English: Phew! Does this bathroom stink!</p><p>Chinese: Hu Flung Dung?</p><p></p><p></p><p><strong><span style="color: Teal">YOU KNOW YOUR LIFE SUCKS WHEN.....</span></strong></p><p></p><p>A black cat crosses your path and drops dead. You take an assertiveness training course and you're afraid to tell your wife. The candles on your cake set off your smoke alarm. Your chauffeur is on parole for car theft. You have to take out a loan just to get money for the down payment. Your children's school calls to surrender. The bride's family throws rocks instead of rice. Your wife wraps your lunch in a road map. Your plants do better when you don't talk to them. All your modeling jobs are for cartoonists. Your engagement ring is, upon closer inspection,plastic.</p><p></p><p></p><p>You know you are in the wrong Church when:</p><p>1. The church bus has gun racks.</p><p>2. The church staff consists of Senior Pastor, Associate Pastor and Socio-pastor.</p><p>3. The Bible they use is the "Dr. Seuss Version."</p><p>4. There's an ATM in the lobby.</p><p>5. Choir wears leather robes.</p><p>6. Worship services are B.Y.O.S. -- "Bring Your Own Snake."</p><p>7. No cover charge, but communion is a two-drink minimum.</p><p>8. Karaoke Worship Time.</p><p>9. Ushers ask, "Smoking or Non-smoking?"</p><p>10. The only song the organist knows is "In-A-Gadda-Da-Vida."</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="melody, post: 1063915065, member: 14320"] [B][COLOR="Teal"]Top 10 Things Not To Say To Your Girlfriends Parents[/COLOR][/B] 10. Gee, Pops, you're not nearly as big an asshole as your daughter said you are. 9. Wazzzaaaaap! 8. The water in your toilet tastes funny. 7.You got a spoon and a lighter I can borrow? I left mine at home. 6. No... No... It's OK. I kinda like it when your dog humps my leg. 5. Your daughter is attractive, but have you seen the tits on her friend Joanne? 4. Hi, Mr. Jones. I'm Bob. This is Chuck, George, Steve and the midget is Sam. Is Sally ready? 3. (While honking horn in driveway) Hey! I'm waiting out hear! Send the bitch out! 2. You should be proud, Mr. And Mrs. Smith, you've raised a good girl. I can't get her to blow me no matter what I say. And the number 1 thing not to say when you meet your girlfriend's parents for the first time: 1. Man, living under the same roof with a piece of ass like that, I bet you wish you were anyone else but her father. These two guys meet after not having seen each other for many, many years. First guy asks the second guy, "How have things been going?" The second guy, speaking very slowly tells the first guy, "I was almost married." The first guy says in amazement, "Hey, you don't stutter any more." The answer comes, "Yes, I went to a doctor and he told me that if I speak slowly I will not stutter." The first friend congratulates him and than asks again about how he was almost married. "Well, my fiancee and I were sitting on her porch and the dog was scratching his back and I told her that when we are married, she can do that for me. And then she threw the ring in my face." "Why should she throw the ring in your face for that?" asks the first friend. "Well, I speak so slowly, that by the time she looked at the dog, he was licking his balls!" [B][COLOR="Teal"]Learn Chinese in 5 Minutes[/COLOR][/B] English: He's cleaning his automobile Chinese: Wa Shing Ka English: This is a tow away zone Chinese: No Pah King English: Is there a fugitive here? Chinese: Hu Yu Hai Ding? English: Small Horse Chinese: Tai Ni Po Ni English: Your price is too high!!! Chinese: No Bai Nut Ding!!! English: Did you go to the beach? Chinese: Wai Yu So Tan? English: I bumped into a coffee table Chinese: Ai Bang Mai Ni English: It's very dark in here Chinese: Wai So Dim? English: Has your flight been delayed? Chinese: Hao Long Wei Ting? English: I thought you were on a diet? Chinese: Wai Yu Mun Ching? English: They have arrived Chinese: Hai Dei Kum English: Your body odor is offensive Chinese: Yu Stin Ki Pu English: You know lyrics to the Macarena? Chinese: Wai Yu Sing Dum Song? English: I got this for free Chinese: Ai No Pei English: Stay out of sight Chinese: Lei Lo English: Phew! Does this bathroom stink! Chinese: Hu Flung Dung? [B][COLOR="Teal"]YOU KNOW YOUR LIFE SUCKS WHEN.....[/COLOR][/B] A black cat crosses your path and drops dead. You take an assertiveness training course and you're afraid to tell your wife. The candles on your cake set off your smoke alarm. Your chauffeur is on parole for car theft. You have to take out a loan just to get money for the down payment. Your children's school calls to surrender. The bride's family throws rocks instead of rice. Your wife wraps your lunch in a road map. Your plants do better when you don't talk to them. All your modeling jobs are for cartoonists. Your engagement ring is, upon closer inspection,plastic. You know you are in the wrong Church when: 1. The church bus has gun racks. 2. The church staff consists of Senior Pastor, Associate Pastor and Socio-pastor. 3. The Bible they use is the "Dr. Seuss Version." 4. There's an ATM in the lobby. 5. Choir wears leather robes. 6. Worship services are B.Y.O.S. -- "Bring Your Own Snake." 7. No cover charge, but communion is a two-drink minimum. 8. Karaoke Worship Time. 9. Ushers ask, "Smoking or Non-smoking?" 10. The only song the organist knows is "In-A-Gadda-Da-Vida." [/QUOTE]
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