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JeSt fOr LaUgHs...
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<blockquote data-quote="melody" data-source="post: 1063945288" data-attributes="member: 14320"><p><strong><span style="color: Teal">Water Department</span></strong></p><p></p><p>RING!</p><p></p><p>Southeast Treatment Plant, this is Dave...</p><p></p><p>"Is this the water department?"</p><p></p><p>Yes Ma'am, for most of this area...</p><p></p><p>"Good. I have some very technical questions to ask you about the</p><p>water"</p><p></p><p>I'll try and help...</p><p></p><p>"Why are my nipples getting so hard?"</p><p></p><p>You're not really serious...</p><p></p><p>"I AM SO!! My nipples... they're hard and they have this white</p><p>coating on them!"</p><p></p><p>Uhhhh, huh... hard, uhhh, nipples with white, uhh... stuff...</p><p></p><p>"Not only that, they're getting warped!"</p><p></p><p>I see...</p><p></p><p>"They used to be soft, pink and round!"</p><p></p><p>I'm sure they were...</p><p></p><p>"Now they really look disgusting!"</p><p></p><p>I'm sure they do...</p><p></p><p>"So I want to know what you're going to do about this!"</p><p></p><p>I really don't think I can help you. Have you discussed this with</p><p>your personal physician?</p><p></p><p>"Yes I have! He said I should call you because he thought it was</p><p>from the water!"</p><p></p><p>I see... uhhhh, just why and how does he think the water is causing</p><p>this?</p><p></p><p>"He said cleaning them in boiling water sometimes does that"</p><p></p><p>Sounds painful... can't you just sponge them off?</p><p></p><p>"Painful?! THE BABY BOTTLE NIPPLES ARE THE ONES I'M TALKING ABOUT!"</p><p></p><p>Now I understand...</p><p></p><p>"Are you going to buy me new ones?"</p><p></p><p>Why would we do that?</p><p></p><p>"Because your water ruined these. My baby won't suck them anymore.</p><p>He's been sick and I think it's from the white stuff... he used to</p><p>really suck..."</p><p></p><p>May I ask how old your baby is?</p><p></p><p>"He's six, going on seven"</p><p></p><p>Six... and he refuses the bottle? Maybe he's getting a little old</p><p>for the bottle...</p><p></p><p>"DON'T TELL ME HOW TO RAISE MY CHILD!"</p><p></p><p>I wasn't. How long have you been using these nipples?</p><p></p><p>"Since he was born"</p><p></p><p>Hmmmmm. My guess is the white film is from the calcium carbonate in</p><p>the water... kind of like bathtub ring of the nipple... and they</p><p>are hard and warped because of being boiled and bitten for six</p><p>years...</p><p></p><p>"So! You are refusing to pay!</p><p></p><p>Well, that's not for me to decide. I was only trying to suggest</p><p>they might just be plain worn out.</p><p></p><p>"THEY WOULDN'T BE WORN OUT IF YOUR WATER WAS ANY GOOD!"</p><p></p><p>There is really nothing more I can do for you...</p><p></p><p>"JUST HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY MONEY?"</p><p></p><p>Well, why don't you just run down to our main office. There you can</p><p>file an insurance claim...</p><p></p><p>"What good would that do? Will they give me the money?"</p><p></p><p>They will investigate and make a judgement whether to settle or</p><p>not...</p><p></p><p>"Well, you sure haven't been any help! How do I get them to pay</p><p>more attention than you have?"</p><p></p><p>Just show them your nipples!!</p><p>(She has to be blonde, right?)</p><p><strong><span style="color: Red">__________</span></strong></p><p></p><p>Drunk walks up to the host of a party and says, "'Scuse me,</p><p>but do you have green toilet paper that says, 'Fuck you?'"</p><p></p><p>The host looks disdainfully at the drunk and says, "No, I</p><p>don't have green toilet paper that says, 'Fuck you.'"</p><p></p><p>"Oh, then I'm terribly sorry," says the drunk, "but I think</p><p>I just wiped my ass with your parrot."</p><p></p><p><strong><span style="color: Teal">Man Of The House</span></strong></p><p></p><p>The husband had just finished the book "Man of the House". He stormed</p><p>into the house and walked directly up to his wife.</p><p></p><p>Pointing a finger in her face, he said, "From now on, I want you to</p><p>know that I am the man of this house, and my word is law! I want you to</p><p>prepare me a gourmet meal tonight, and when I'm finished eating my meal,</p><p>I expect a tasty dessert afterward. Then, after dinner and dessert,</p><p>you're going to draw me a bath so I can relax. And when I'm finished</p><p>with my bath, guess who's going to dress me and comb my hair?"</p><p></p><p>His wife replied, "The fucking funeral director."</p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>The first old geezer said,</p><p>"My hands shake so bad that when I shaved this morning I cut my</p><p>face!"</p><p>The second old fogey one-upped him.</p><p>"My hands shake so bad that when I trimmed my garden yesterday I</p><p>sliced all my flowers!"</p><p>The third old man laughed and said,</p><p>"That's nothing. My hands shake so bad that when I took a piss</p><p>yesterday, I came three times."</p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>A guy is walking through a fairground one day, when he notices a</p><p>stunning redhead sprawled on the ground unconscious. Kneeling next to</p><p>the beauty, he lightly slaps her face. No response. Then he rubs her</p><p>wrists. Nothing. He even tries mouth to mouth. The gorgeous woman does</p><p>not respond. Finally, the guy takes another tack. He unbuttons the</p><p>girl's blouse,and slides it off her body. Then, unhooking her bra, he</p><p>begins to massage and fondle her firm, soft breasts. The girl begins to</p><p>moan and gasp in pleasure, her nipples stiffening, and finally her eyes</p><p>flutter open.</p><p></p><p>"Oh thank you," she sighs. Looking down at the guy's hands, still</p><p>massaging her tits, she goes on. "Tell me, how did you think of such a</p><p>novel way to revive me?"</p><p></p><p>"It wasn't my idea," he says. "That guy over there kept shouting,</p><p>"Rubber balloons ..... Rubber balloons!!"</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="melody, post: 1063945288, member: 14320"] [B][COLOR="Teal"]Water Department[/COLOR][/B] RING! Southeast Treatment Plant, this is Dave... "Is this the water department?" Yes Ma'am, for most of this area... "Good. I have some very technical questions to ask you about the water" I'll try and help... "Why are my nipples getting so hard?" You're not really serious... "I AM SO!! My nipples... they're hard and they have this white coating on them!" Uhhhh, huh... hard, uhhh, nipples with white, uhh... stuff... "Not only that, they're getting warped!" I see... "They used to be soft, pink and round!" I'm sure they were... "Now they really look disgusting!" I'm sure they do... "So I want to know what you're going to do about this!" I really don't think I can help you. Have you discussed this with your personal physician? "Yes I have! He said I should call you because he thought it was from the water!" I see... uhhhh, just why and how does he think the water is causing this? "He said cleaning them in boiling water sometimes does that" Sounds painful... can't you just sponge them off? "Painful?! THE BABY BOTTLE NIPPLES ARE THE ONES I'M TALKING ABOUT!" Now I understand... "Are you going to buy me new ones?" Why would we do that? "Because your water ruined these. My baby won't suck them anymore. He's been sick and I think it's from the white stuff... he used to really suck..." May I ask how old your baby is? "He's six, going on seven" Six... and he refuses the bottle? Maybe he's getting a little old for the bottle... "DON'T TELL ME HOW TO RAISE MY CHILD!" I wasn't. How long have you been using these nipples? "Since he was born" Hmmmmm. My guess is the white film is from the calcium carbonate in the water... kind of like bathtub ring of the nipple... and they are hard and warped because of being boiled and bitten for six years... "So! You are refusing to pay! Well, that's not for me to decide. I was only trying to suggest they might just be plain worn out. "THEY WOULDN'T BE WORN OUT IF YOUR WATER WAS ANY GOOD!" There is really nothing more I can do for you... "JUST HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY MONEY?" Well, why don't you just run down to our main office. There you can file an insurance claim... "What good would that do? Will they give me the money?" They will investigate and make a judgement whether to settle or not... "Well, you sure haven't been any help! How do I get them to pay more attention than you have?" Just show them your nipples!! (She has to be blonde, right?) [B][COLOR="Red"]__________[/COLOR][/B] Drunk walks up to the host of a party and says, "'Scuse me, but do you have green toilet paper that says, 'Fuck you?'" The host looks disdainfully at the drunk and says, "No, I don't have green toilet paper that says, 'Fuck you.'" "Oh, then I'm terribly sorry," says the drunk, "but I think I just wiped my ass with your parrot." [B][COLOR="Teal"]Man Of The House[/COLOR][/B] The husband had just finished the book "Man of the House". He stormed into the house and walked directly up to his wife. Pointing a finger in her face, he said, "From now on, I want you to know that I am the man of this house, and my word is law! I want you to prepare me a gourmet meal tonight, and when I'm finished eating my meal, I expect a tasty dessert afterward. Then, after dinner and dessert, you're going to draw me a bath so I can relax. And when I'm finished with my bath, guess who's going to dress me and comb my hair?" His wife replied, "The fucking funeral director." The first old geezer said, "My hands shake so bad that when I shaved this morning I cut my face!" The second old fogey one-upped him. "My hands shake so bad that when I trimmed my garden yesterday I sliced all my flowers!" The third old man laughed and said, "That's nothing. My hands shake so bad that when I took a piss yesterday, I came three times." A guy is walking through a fairground one day, when he notices a stunning redhead sprawled on the ground unconscious. Kneeling next to the beauty, he lightly slaps her face. No response. Then he rubs her wrists. Nothing. He even tries mouth to mouth. The gorgeous woman does not respond. Finally, the guy takes another tack. He unbuttons the girl's blouse,and slides it off her body. Then, unhooking her bra, he begins to massage and fondle her firm, soft breasts. The girl begins to moan and gasp in pleasure, her nipples stiffening, and finally her eyes flutter open. "Oh thank you," she sighs. Looking down at the guy's hands, still massaging her tits, she goes on. "Tell me, how did you think of such a novel way to revive me?" "It wasn't my idea," he says. "That guy over there kept shouting, "Rubber balloons ..... Rubber balloons!!" [/QUOTE]
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