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<blockquote data-quote="melody" data-source="post: 1064018572" data-attributes="member: 14320"><p><strong><span style="color: Teal">Blonde Moments</span></strong></p><p><strong><span style="color: Teal"></span></strong></p><p><strong><span style="color: Teal">ASTROLOGY</span></strong></p><p></p><p>Two blondes living in Oklahoma were sitting on a bench talking, and one blonde says to the other:" Which do you think is farther away..........Florida or the moon?"</p><p>The other blonde turns and says: "Helloooooooooo, can you see Florida.......?????</p><p></p><p><strong><span style="color: Teal">CAR TROUBLE</span></strong></p><p></p><p>A blonde pushes her BMW into a gas station. She tells the mechanic it died. After he works on it for a few minutes, it is idling smoothly. She says, "What's the story?"</p><p>He replies, "Just crap in the carburetor"</p><p>She asks, "How often do I have to do that?"</p><p></p><p><strong><span style="color: Teal">SPEEDING TICKET</span></strong></p><p></p><p>A police officer stops a blonde for speeding and asks her very nicely if he could see her license. She replied in a huff, "I wish you guys would get your act together. Just yesterday you take away my license and then today you expect me to show it to you!"</p><p></p><p><strong><span style="color: Teal">KNITTING</span></strong></p><p></p><p>A highway patrolman pulled alongside a speeding car on the freeway. Glancing at the car, he was astounded to see that the blonde behind the wheel was knitting! Realizing that she was oblivious to his flashing lights and siren, the trooper cranked down his window, turned on his bullhorn and yelled , "PULL OVER!"</p><p>"NO!" the blonde yelled back, "IT'S A SCARF!"</p><p></p><p><strong><span style="color: Teal">BLONDES ON THE SUN</span></strong></p><p></p><p>A Russian, an American, and a Blonde were talking one day. The Russian said, "We were the first in space!"</p><p>The American said, "We were the first on the moon!"</p><p>The Blonde said, "So what? We're going to be the first on the sun!"</p><p>The Russian and the American looked at each other and shook their heads. "You can't land on the sun, you idiot! You'll burn up!" said the Russian.</p><p>To which the Blonde replied, "We're not stupid, you know. We're going at night!"</p><p></p><p><strong><span style="color: Teal">IN A VACUUM</span></strong></p><p></p><p>A blonde was playing Trivial Pursuit one night. It was her turn. She rolled the dice and she landed on Science & Nature. Her question was, "If you are in a vacuum and someone calls your name, can you hear it?"</p><p>She thought for a time and then asked, "Is it on or off?"</p><p></p><p><strong><span style="color: Teal">IN PAIN</span></strong></p><p></p><p>A brunette goes to see her doctor: "Doctor, I don't know what's wrong with me but I hurt all over." "What do you mean?" said the Doc. "Well, if I touch my shoulder here, it hurts, and if I touch my leg here, it hurts, and if I touch my head here, it hurts, and if I touch my foot here, it hurts." "Tell me," said the Doctor, "Do you dye your hair?" "Yes," she said "I'm really a blonde." "I thought as much, you've broken your finger."</p><p></p><p><strong><span style="color: Teal">TRACKS</span></strong></p><p></p><p>There were two blondes walking in the woods. As they were</p><p>walking one of them noticed some tracks on the ground. One</p><p>stops the other one and says "Look deer tracks." The other</p><p>goes "Those are not deer tracks those are bear tracks." So</p><p>they fight about what they are and are not, and the next day</p><p>the paper head lines read "Two Blondes Killed By Train".</p><p></p><p><strong><span style="color: Teal">New Heights</span></strong></p><p></p><p>Height of patience: A naked woman lying down with her legs apart</p><p>under a banana tree.</p><p></p><p>Height of frustration: A boxer trying to scratch his balls.</p><p></p><p>Height of Innocence: A teenager girl applying Clearasil to her</p><p>nipples.</p><p></p><p>Height of Unemployment: Cobwebs in the hole of the prostitute.</p><p></p><p>Height of laziness: A guy lying on a girl and waiting for an</p><p>earthquake to do the rest.</p><p></p><p>Height of Competition: A guy peeing beside a waterfall.</p><p></p><p>Height of Sophistication: Sucking nipples with a straw.</p><p></p><p>Height of Disgust: While wiping after a good toilet dump,</p><p>your finger pokes through the paper.</p><p></p><p>Height of Technology: Condom with zip.</p><p></p><p>Height of Trouble: A one handed man hanging from a cliff</p><p>and his ass itching.</p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>Q: Have you heard about the uncircumcised troll?</p><p>A: His name was Rumpled Foreskin</p><p></p><p>Q. Why don't men know the meaning of fear?</p><p>A. They only know one four-letter word beginning with F.</p><p></p><p>Q. Why does a dog lick his ass?</p><p>A. Because he knows he will be licking your face in about 5 minutes.</p><p></p><p>Q. What's a clitoris?</p><p>A. A female hood ornament.</p><p></p><p>Q: What Do You Call A Woman Who Can Suck A Golf Ball</p><p>Through A 20 Ft. Garden Hose?</p><p>A: `Darling', `Sweetheart', `Precious', Whatever It</p><p>Takes.</p><p></p><p>Q: How do you get a woman off during sex?</p><p>A: Push her.</p><p></p><p>Q: Why don't Mexicans like blow jobs?</p><p>A: Mexicans don't like any kind of job.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="melody, post: 1064018572, member: 14320"] [B][COLOR="Teal"]Blonde Moments ASTROLOGY[/COLOR][/B] Two blondes living in Oklahoma were sitting on a bench talking, and one blonde says to the other:" Which do you think is farther away..........Florida or the moon?" The other blonde turns and says: "Helloooooooooo, can you see Florida.......????? [B][COLOR="Teal"]CAR TROUBLE[/COLOR][/B] A blonde pushes her BMW into a gas station. She tells the mechanic it died. After he works on it for a few minutes, it is idling smoothly. She says, "What's the story?" He replies, "Just crap in the carburetor" She asks, "How often do I have to do that?" [B][COLOR="Teal"]SPEEDING TICKET[/COLOR][/B] A police officer stops a blonde for speeding and asks her very nicely if he could see her license. She replied in a huff, "I wish you guys would get your act together. Just yesterday you take away my license and then today you expect me to show it to you!" [B][COLOR="Teal"]KNITTING[/COLOR][/B] A highway patrolman pulled alongside a speeding car on the freeway. Glancing at the car, he was astounded to see that the blonde behind the wheel was knitting! Realizing that she was oblivious to his flashing lights and siren, the trooper cranked down his window, turned on his bullhorn and yelled , "PULL OVER!" "NO!" the blonde yelled back, "IT'S A SCARF!" [B][COLOR="Teal"]BLONDES ON THE SUN[/COLOR][/B] A Russian, an American, and a Blonde were talking one day. The Russian said, "We were the first in space!" The American said, "We were the first on the moon!" The Blonde said, "So what? We're going to be the first on the sun!" The Russian and the American looked at each other and shook their heads. "You can't land on the sun, you idiot! You'll burn up!" said the Russian. To which the Blonde replied, "We're not stupid, you know. We're going at night!" [B][COLOR="Teal"]IN A VACUUM[/COLOR][/B] A blonde was playing Trivial Pursuit one night. It was her turn. She rolled the dice and she landed on Science & Nature. Her question was, "If you are in a vacuum and someone calls your name, can you hear it?" She thought for a time and then asked, "Is it on or off?" [B][COLOR="Teal"]IN PAIN[/COLOR][/B] A brunette goes to see her doctor: "Doctor, I don't know what's wrong with me but I hurt all over." "What do you mean?" said the Doc. "Well, if I touch my shoulder here, it hurts, and if I touch my leg here, it hurts, and if I touch my head here, it hurts, and if I touch my foot here, it hurts." "Tell me," said the Doctor, "Do you dye your hair?" "Yes," she said "I'm really a blonde." "I thought as much, you've broken your finger." [B][COLOR="Teal"]TRACKS[/COLOR][/B] There were two blondes walking in the woods. As they were walking one of them noticed some tracks on the ground. One stops the other one and says "Look deer tracks." The other goes "Those are not deer tracks those are bear tracks." So they fight about what they are and are not, and the next day the paper head lines read "Two Blondes Killed By Train". [B][COLOR="Teal"]New Heights[/COLOR][/B] Height of patience: A naked woman lying down with her legs apart under a banana tree. Height of frustration: A boxer trying to scratch his balls. Height of Innocence: A teenager girl applying Clearasil to her nipples. Height of Unemployment: Cobwebs in the hole of the prostitute. Height of laziness: A guy lying on a girl and waiting for an earthquake to do the rest. Height of Competition: A guy peeing beside a waterfall. Height of Sophistication: Sucking nipples with a straw. Height of Disgust: While wiping after a good toilet dump, your finger pokes through the paper. Height of Technology: Condom with zip. Height of Trouble: A one handed man hanging from a cliff and his ass itching. Q: Have you heard about the uncircumcised troll? A: His name was Rumpled Foreskin Q. Why don't men know the meaning of fear? A. They only know one four-letter word beginning with F. Q. Why does a dog lick his ass? A. Because he knows he will be licking your face in about 5 minutes. Q. What's a clitoris? A. A female hood ornament. Q: What Do You Call A Woman Who Can Suck A Golf Ball Through A 20 Ft. Garden Hose? A: `Darling', `Sweetheart', `Precious', Whatever It Takes. Q: How do you get a woman off during sex? A: Push her. Q: Why don't Mexicans like blow jobs? A: Mexicans don't like any kind of job. [/QUOTE]
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