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<blockquote data-quote="melody" data-source="post: 1064061788" data-attributes="member: 14320"><p><strong><span style="color: Teal">Spring Cleaning</span></strong></p><p></p><p>A lady was doing her spring cleaning in her 12th floor apartment. She was just shaking out the rug on her balcony when a strong gust of wind caught the rug and carried her over the edge.</p><p>As she was falling, a man reached out of the eighth floor window and caught her.</p><p>"Do you fuck?" the man asked.</p><p>"No, of course I don't!" the woman replied, so the man dropped her.</p><p>As she hurtled past the fifth floor, another man caught her.</p><p>"Do you suck?" asked the man.</p><p>"Definitely not!" replied the woman angrily, so the man dropped her.</p><p>As she approached the earth, she prayed to God to give her another chance at life. As she plummeted past the second floor a third man miraculously caught her.</p><p>"I fuck and I suck!" the woman screamed in a frenzy of fear.</p><p>"Dirty slut!" said the man, so he dropped her.</p><p><strong><span style="color: Red">///</span></strong></p><p>A boy walks into the bathroom and catches his mom sitting on the bowl in</p><p>her full glory.</p><p>He runs out to tell his father. He asks his father "What's that big gash</p><p>between mommy's legs?"</p><p>The father replies, "That's where I accidentally hit her with an axe!"</p><p>The boy replies "WOW, you got her right in the pussy!"</p><p><strong><span style="color: Red">///</span></strong></p><p>Why hasn't a woman ever walked on the moon?</p><p>Because it doesn't need cleaning!</p><p>Why do women always appear to be changing their minds?</p><p>It allows them to continually delude themselves that they have one!</p><p>Women are like guns.</p><p>Keep one around long enough and you are going to want to shoot it!</p><p></p><p>What does a blonde put behind her ears to make her more attractive?</p><p>Her ankles.</p><p></p><p>What do you say to a Blonde that won't give in?</p><p>"Have another beer."</p><p>Melissa was toweling off in front of the mirror when she noticed a few gray pubic hairs.</p><p>She bent down and said to her privates, "I know you haven't been getting much lately.....</p><p>but I didn't know you were so worried about it!"</p><p></p><p><strong><span style="color: Teal">Fun Things To Say To A Girl With</span></strong></p><p><strong><span style="color: Teal">No Arms And No Legs</span></strong></p><p></p><p>What do you say</p><p>to a girl with</p><p>No Arms & No Legs?</p><p>" Nice Tits!!!</p><p>" If your happy and you know it clap your hands!"</p><p>" I guess a hand job is out off the question?</p><p>" You don't expect me to do the dishes?</p><p>" Could you pass me my cigarettes darling?</p><p>" I would have at least expected you to cook me dinner!!!</p><p>" Do you want a vibrator for Christmas?</p><p>" Why do you mean you haven't done the shopping?</p><p>" Oh… give me back the remote control.</p><p>" Do you want to play racket ball?</p><p>" Why haven't you made the bed?</p><p>" Now stand up and say that… BITCH!!!!!</p><p>" It's your turn to mow the lawn!</p><p>" Who left that slug trail on the kitchen floor?</p><p>" If you need something done while I'm gone, call a handyman!</p><p>" Are you having an affair you bitch, I've been calling all day!!!!</p><p>" One giant leap for mankind, one enormous thump on the floor!</p><p>" Remember… progress is just one step at a time.</p><p>" Put another log on the fire.</p><p>" Do you want to drive, or should I?</p><p>" It's your turn to walk the dog!</p><p>" For god sake woman… get off your arse!!!!</p><p></p><p></p><p>There once was a man from Bandoo</p><p>Who fell asleep in a canoe</p><p>He dreamed of Venus</p><p>And played with his penis</p><p>And woke up with a hand full of goo</p><p></p><p>There once was a girl from Azores,</p><p>Whose cunt was all covered in sores,</p><p>the men who got pussed,</p><p>were desperate for lust,</p><p>and licked up what was left in her drawers.</p><p></p><p>There once was a girl named McGill,</p><p>Who used dynamite sticks for a thrill.</p><p>They found her vagina</p><p>In South Carolina</p><p>And bits of her tits in Brazil.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="melody, post: 1064061788, member: 14320"] [B][COLOR="Teal"]Spring Cleaning[/COLOR][/B] A lady was doing her spring cleaning in her 12th floor apartment. She was just shaking out the rug on her balcony when a strong gust of wind caught the rug and carried her over the edge. As she was falling, a man reached out of the eighth floor window and caught her. "Do you fuck?" the man asked. "No, of course I don't!" the woman replied, so the man dropped her. As she hurtled past the fifth floor, another man caught her. "Do you suck?" asked the man. "Definitely not!" replied the woman angrily, so the man dropped her. As she approached the earth, she prayed to God to give her another chance at life. As she plummeted past the second floor a third man miraculously caught her. "I fuck and I suck!" the woman screamed in a frenzy of fear. "Dirty slut!" said the man, so he dropped her. [B][COLOR="Red"]///[/COLOR][/B] A boy walks into the bathroom and catches his mom sitting on the bowl in her full glory. He runs out to tell his father. He asks his father "What's that big gash between mommy's legs?" The father replies, "That's where I accidentally hit her with an axe!" The boy replies "WOW, you got her right in the pussy!" [B][COLOR="Red"]///[/COLOR][/B] Why hasn't a woman ever walked on the moon? Because it doesn't need cleaning! Why do women always appear to be changing their minds? It allows them to continually delude themselves that they have one! Women are like guns. Keep one around long enough and you are going to want to shoot it! What does a blonde put behind her ears to make her more attractive? Her ankles. What do you say to a Blonde that won't give in? "Have another beer." Melissa was toweling off in front of the mirror when she noticed a few gray pubic hairs. She bent down and said to her privates, "I know you haven't been getting much lately..... but I didn't know you were so worried about it!" [B][COLOR="Teal"]Fun Things To Say To A Girl With No Arms And No Legs[/COLOR][/B] What do you say to a girl with No Arms & No Legs? " Nice Tits!!! " If your happy and you know it clap your hands!" " I guess a hand job is out off the question? " You don't expect me to do the dishes? " Could you pass me my cigarettes darling? " I would have at least expected you to cook me dinner!!! " Do you want a vibrator for Christmas? " Why do you mean you haven't done the shopping? " Oh… give me back the remote control. " Do you want to play racket ball? " Why haven't you made the bed? " Now stand up and say that… BITCH!!!!! " It's your turn to mow the lawn! " Who left that slug trail on the kitchen floor? " If you need something done while I'm gone, call a handyman! " Are you having an affair you bitch, I've been calling all day!!!! " One giant leap for mankind, one enormous thump on the floor! " Remember… progress is just one step at a time. " Put another log on the fire. " Do you want to drive, or should I? " It's your turn to walk the dog! " For god sake woman… get off your arse!!!! There once was a man from Bandoo Who fell asleep in a canoe He dreamed of Venus And played with his penis And woke up with a hand full of goo There once was a girl from Azores, Whose cunt was all covered in sores, the men who got pussed, were desperate for lust, and licked up what was left in her drawers. There once was a girl named McGill, Who used dynamite sticks for a thrill. They found her vagina In South Carolina And bits of her tits in Brazil. [/QUOTE]
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